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In her book Women Who Love Psychopaths she talks about psychopaths who fly under the radar, men who are outwardly successful in positions of power and their criminal nature is never unmasked.
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He held me against my will and tortured me in horrific ways (in front of our 5 year old). I was seriously injured but nobody will help me. He has been in jail with no bond for 4 months charged with 5 felonies and 5 misdemeanors. He promised he would kill me. He is manipulating the court system right now and it looks like he is going to be out for good in 2 weeks to finish the job. How can I get someone to listen to me before they let him out? When he does get out,not only will I be in danger but I know that anyone I am with will be in danger. He always finds me. I dont know what to do.
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You are kidding right? Spend thousands of dollars on 4 days of treatment so I can be safe? What a ridiculous thing to say. It is so easy to just assume that the problem is that the victim is depressed. What about the other 17 arrests before I met him? My fault too? News flash.. I am not depressed I am trying to save my life. You are just like everyone else that I have turned to for help. Thanks so much. I feel so much better.
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Hi Help, I’m sorry that you are going thru hell right now. Hugs to you!! I’m also sorry that someone here at LF responded the way they did to you. Very hurtful indeed.
For help with the court look at the site One Moms Battle. com and also their Facebook page. If you do a search up at the top of Lovefraud on this site, you will find Donna Anderson’s (Lovefraud site creator) post about One moms battle.
Dealign with a sociopath in court is an absolute nightmare as the court is absolutely clueless about sociopathic abuse. It’s very easy to be re traumatized in court because of the courts lack of knowledge.
One moms battle also has a Facebook page where you can post questions. I would highly recommend that you open a fake email account then a fake Facebook account so that your ex, his family & friends dont see what you are chatting about. Post your comment here on One moms battle to ask for help with the court.
Keep reading everything here at Lovefraud it really will help you to educate yourself more on your ex’s disorder. One of the best things to do with a sociopath is to NOT REACT. This is NOT easy. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but remember they want a reaction out of their victims. This gives them joy. SO be aware of this & given him zero stratification. This takes time to learn how to not react to his horrible behavior.
Hugs to you!! Glad you found LF.
Take care.
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Help – I interpreted Sunnygal’s comment in another way. It sounds like she suggested you say you are depressed so that you can get into a protected environment. It may not be a practical solution, but I don’t think she meant to be hurtful.
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Help, without knowing the details of your situation, my first thought is to try to get you and your son into a safehouse. I lived in one for about two weeks, and it is very hard for a perp to find out where you are unless you tell them or announce it on social media. Most counties have a safehouse. You can usually find it by contacting a domestic violence agency. Though it is only temporary, it will buy you time to plan your strategy, and there will be people there who can help you do it. It is something you can do today.
Once you are out of immediate danger, if you have $17 a month to spare, I would highly recommend getting a pre-paid legal service like ARAG so you can have free legal representation. I recommend this for everyone I know, regardless of their legal situations (or lack thereof). This may come in handy if the attorney can convince the court to keep the perp locked up longer.
If you don’t want to leave your home and can afford security, you can rig your place up with security cameras and a good alarm. ADT can do this for you – they are usually booked a few days to weeks out. SimpliSafe will ship the security equipment directly to you, and it’s an easy install. Plus, their monthly rates are very reasonable. You can also carry pepper spray or even a gun if you feel it would make you safer. I have a friend who was in danger of her ex. She hated guns but she took a gun course and got a concealed carry. It was very empowering for her. Personally, I don’t like guns, but I can conceive of some situations where it would be useful to have one. Of course, make sure whatever self-defense measures you take are out of reach of your son – I’m sure that goes without saying. I’m assuming you have a protection order. If not, get one. Then if he violates it, he should be arrested. Again, this is temporary but it buys you time to plan your strategy.
As a last resort, if you feel you will always be looking over your shoulder, you can leave the state or even the country. It’s a drastic measure, but if your life is in imminent danger, it’s not a bad solution. Whatever you do, delete all your social media accounts, and don’t ever put up your or your son’s photo online.
I have never been in your situation, but if I were, I would probably get into the safehouse. Then, I would try everything in my power to get the perp locked up for longer. If that didn’t work, I would leave the country with my child. I wouldn’t wait around for him to find me. I have traveled extensively, and would not be opposed to living in a foreign country, but that’s me.
I’m hoping whatever you do, you will check back to let us know you’re okay and give a progress report.
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