Hoovering

[seekingfreedom]

Hello,

I am new here, actually I am new to this alternate universe where narcissists and psychopaths live, I am 50 years old and had no idea these types of people walk among us. I stumbled across an article while I was searching frantically for help on how to get over a break-up, I could not understand for the life of me why I was having such a hard time picking up the pieces of my life after the what I know now to be psycho semi-discarded me, he did the hovering thing for 4 plus years, this article described my relationship with this man as if it had been written by me, it terrified me, I denied it, I tried to find other information to dispute what I knew in my head to be true but my heart would not allow me to believe that he never loved me, he was a masterful “love bomber” even during the hovering he would do and say things to keep me dangling on his hook. I have gone no contact for a couple of months now, I struggle on a daily basis with self doubt, anxiety, constant thoughts of what I should have or could have done/said, it’s maddening, I can’t focus on a task, I want to sleep all the time, I eat out of pure necessity, the only place I feel some sanity is at work and the saddest part of that is I don’t like my job all that much. I can’t socialize for long periods, I spend most of my time alone either searching for answers or watching mindless TV when my brain can’t handle anymore. To say that I am devastated would be an understatement, I await this light at the end of the road I have read so much about. Thank you all for this place to share.

[Stargazer]

Seekingfreedom: Thankfully, you found this place so you can read about these horrible monsters and know that you’re not alone in how you feel and what you’ve been through. Now that you know what he is, the best thing you can do is start right now picking up the pieces by walking away once and for all. Do not answer any messages, do not look him up on social media, just stop all contact in any way you can. It really is devastating to realize you were in a fake relationship with someone who is so sinister. It was a rude awakening for me. It is much harder to break up with a sociopath than with a normal person, and most people you talk to about it will not understand. So sorry you have had to experience this. Recovery will be slow and painful, and you may feel worse before you feel better. But you can definitely recover,
learn something about yourself in the process, and move on. (((hugs)))

[seekingfreedom]

Stargazer: Thank you so much for your reply. At the moment I don’t know where to start to help in my recovery, it feels as though I am on a hamster wheel. I am trying to learn how to take so much of my focus off of what he did and put more on what I can do to heal and regain control of MY life. Thanks again ((((((Hugs))))) to you too.

[Stargazer]

Dear seeking, the longer you stay away from him, the clearer your mind will be. It might be helpful to seek out a counselor who is familiar with sociopaths and can help guide you as you process your feelings, but you can heal without one. You are probably still in shock – you’ve been through a pretty big trauma. The main thing to know for now is that it’s normal to numb yourself with TV, internet, and even obsessing, to block out the overwhelming pain. There is nothing wrong with using those things as a distraction – just know you are doing so, and give yourself permission to just be alone with your feelings periodically so you can process them. Please stay away from drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism unless it’s an anti-depressant that is specifically prescribed for you. There’s no way out of this except through it. But the good news is that once you’ve been through it, you will be okay. Please be very kind to yourself and cut yourself a break if you feel awful. It’s normal with what you’ve been through. It gets better.

[eavelp]

Thanks for sharing these type or writeup.

[Sunnygal]

eavelp- nice to see your post.

SG

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