Hoovering attempt?

[victoria123]

Hi all,

I separated from a narcissist about 5 months ago after dating on and off for about 5 years. We got into a small argument which I thought was reconcilable (but it was the first time I stood my ground), and he blocked me on all platforms overnight. I had suspicions that he was a narc and that behavior confirmed it for me, so I never attempted to reach out to him. We have been no-contact ever since.

Then last week, out of the blue, he made a new Facebook account and added me as a friend. I didn’t accept the request. I let it sit in my inbox for about 3 hours then he decided to block me again.

I hate to admit it, but I was hopeful that I could have had some sort of closure, and when he blocked me the second time, it reopened a wound that I thought had healed. I don’t understand why he would add me for the purpose of blocking me. Has anyone ever experienced something similar? Was this an accident or a hoovering attempt?

I have been proactive about healing and he hardly even crosses my mind anymore, but he will do small things like this that leave me so confused. In addition, he has been spreading bizarre rumors about me (most popular being that I steal money from charity) and I’ve just been letting people believe whatever they want at this point. I’m exhausted and no one believes me when I attempt to set the record straight, so I’ve remained silent. Am I dealing with this the right way? Will this eventually stop? I want to move on with my life and he’s making it so difficult.

This is all new to me, so any advice is really appreciated.

[laylabelle]

Hi Victotoria,
YES it is a definite hoover, and vecause you ignored him the smear campaign has begun, that’s if it hadn’t already.
Imagine a spoilt child not getting what they want when they want it….they throw their toys out of their pram and shout ‘I hate you, you don’t love me!!’
You ignored his request to be his friend and he cannot even try to understand what he did to you or that he broke boundaries.
He expects that when he’s calmed down you should be there to pick him up and soothe him and make HIM feel better.
You haven’t and good for you, but now because he can’t rage at you he will rage about you.

Don’t react to him, that is his way of getting your attention. Just keep remembering that no adult sane person who loved you would spread rumours like that, he is sick…and you are better off out of his reach.
Take care.

[Donna Andersen]

Victoria123 – Yes, sociopaths often “test the waters” to see if they can snag you again. It’s good that you implemented No Contact. Stick with it – no matter how he tries to reach out to you.

About the rumors – that’s typical also. It’s called the smear campaign. I recommend that you figure out who needs to know the truth – your inner circle – and maybe try to explain to them. The rest you may need to write off.

It sounds like you’re handling things well.

[yohannathomas9]

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