How do I word email to sociopath ex to propose one-time lump sum settlement?

[ymatwt4mg]

My sociopath ex owes me a twice monthly alimony payment for 8 more years. He has a history of white collar criminal activity and having disregard for the law so I don’t trust he’ll keep up the payments. I’d like to email him and suggest we settle on a one-time lump sum payment so I can be free of him forever. I can offer that he pay me a total amount that’s considerably less that what he’d pay over the 8 years. However, since everything is a game to him and he enjoys having power and winning, how do I construct the wording of the email to pique his interest so he’ll actually consider making a deal with me? What should I say that is speaking a sociopath’s language? I really appreciate any suggestions!

• This topic was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by ymatwt4mg.

[Donna Andersen]

ymatw14mg – You are right to doubt that he will keep up the payments. Assuming that he has the assets to make a lump-sum payment, I would suggest that you make your email sound like he is winning. Sociopaths always want to win – so what would he consider to be a win?

To be clear – don’t make your suggestion sound like it will be mutually beneficial. Make it sound like he is winning and you are losing.

Some caveats: He may not agree to a lump sum payment because he wants to maintain control over you. Doling out money gives him a measure of control.

Secondly, beware of giving him a bad idea. For example, if you are willing to take less money in a lump sum settlement, he may take the number you suggest and stretch it out over 8 years, saying that you really don’t need the original amount.

Consider carefully what may happen – and whether reopening negotiations will be worth the risk.

[ymatwt4mg]

Donna – thank you so much for the feedback; you are spot on and I am taking your suggestions to heart. Regarding giving him a bad idea, I can frame it that I’m taking a big risk and if it doesn’t pay off, he’ll be an even bigger winner. Our final orders are binding and non-modifiable (after a a grueling 1 1/2 years in court including a team of forensic accountants) so by law, he isn’t able to change our agreement. I was watching a program about Ted Bundy recently and my reaction was, “wow, except for the murdering, my ex is kind of the same guy”. It was very sobering to say the least. I’d like to share my story on the forum but have some fear that someone might see it, figure out it’s him, and show it to him. Do you know if others hesitate to share for the same reason?

[Donna Andersen]

ymatwt4mg – in all honesty, it might be best to leave well enough alone about your court orders, as long as he is paying. If he stops paying, then you have reason to go back to court and demand a lump sum payment. Of course, he may be diverting money and will then claim poverty. your best bet is to figure out how to make your own money.

If you want to tell your story, it’s best to leave out identifying information. But I can say that these people engage in similar behavior, so your story may end up reading just like multiple others on Lovefraud.

[mdeare]

I suggest going through an attorney

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