How participants feel about no response

[polestar]

Hi – I have had the experience many times when I have responded to a new post and then the person doesn’t respond or acknowledge the fact that I and others have given our time and energy to give feedback and heartfelt advice. I, being a survivor, am sensitive to this kind of thing and I was wondering how others who post replies feel regarding situations like this. Thanks

[emilie18]

polestar – I, too, try to offer support and experience to newbies and find it a bit disconcerting when there is no acknowledgment. I was raised to write thank you letters – by hand, immediately – for even the smallest act of kindness. But I know, from experience with my family’s succeeding generations – nephews, nieces, grandchildren – that such politeness is a thing of the past. So, when someone asking for help does not reply I tend to shrug and go on with my life. I have done the polite and considerate thing. I have stopped expecting reciprocation — although it WOULD be nice. When someone posts just once I consider maybe they were experiencing a momentary angst and have decided to continue on their path. Maybe they are embarrassed. Or afraid of repercussions if the letter revealed too much. Or maybe they have lost the website address. I WILL say it is somewhat frustrating not to get the “rest of the story”, and I worry that things have taken a very bad turn. But, ultimately, I have done all I can and that is all I can do. Blessings to you for caring so deeply.

[polestar]

Hi Emilie – I loved your post as I always do because you always show such kindness, empathy and deep understandings. For this situation, I feel so much better now to continue on from what you said. Thank you so very much.

[Donna Andersen]

I truly appreciate everyone who takes the time to reply when people write about their traumas. You offer such kindness and wisdom.

It’s possible that people who ask for assistance are traumatized, reading on the Internet for hours on end and can’t even remember where they posted questions. Or they don’t have the energy to respond.

But please remember that other people read both the original posts and the responses, so even if you don’t get feedback from the person who asked the question, you are still helping tremendously.

Thank you again for your generosity.

[polestar]

Hi Donna – thank you for your response and encouragement. I had actually thought something similar to what you said, in that when I was going through a difficult time, it helped to read other people’s questions and other’s replies that they got because I could relate to them and I found validation even if the posts weren’t written directly to me. When we hear the truth, it is uplifting and brings personal empowerment. Also, if someone doesn’t respond, then it helps me in a way to be able to work through a wound that had actually had its cause from long ago ( in my case anyway ). But mainly, I very much appreciate the space you have provided by creating this site and this forum. It has brought so much goodness and help to so many.

[need2heal]

I think back to when I first found this site and what a mess I was then. I could barely function in my own house, let alone think of others. I also struggled with this site for a long time trying to find the “forum” page again. I think I kept going to “blog.” Now, that I am healed!, yeah!, and know where to find this page, I just pop in here from time to time. I don’t take it personally if others don’t reply. It’s so hard to get out of your own head when you feel your life is collapsing, and like Donna said, I was reading everything about narcissists that I could get my hands on. Just know that your words are helping in some way and if/when the new writer is ready and able they may respond. They’re dealing with a lot of criticism and rejection that’s raw and fresh and their life is chaos. They don’t need another responsibility on their plate.

[stuck]

How does one recover from Stockholm syndrome after ending relationshit with sociopath?

[polestar]

Hi Stuck – that is a very interesting question. From my understanding, Stockholm Syndrome happens when someone is so severely abused, that they go into such a heavy denial mode that they are not able to see the abusers as the horrible people that they are, but instead see them as good. The psychology behind it all, is that when someone does not believe that they can escape the abusive situation, they go into this heavy denial as a way to survive. So in answer to your question, your whole being needs to be sure that you are safe from the abuser. If you have gone “ No Contact “ but a part of you thinks that you could be “ hoovered “ back to the abuser again, then your core self will still not feel safe enough to start to see the truth. On the other hand, we are all quite vulnerable to a “ Hoover “ because we still wish that all the awful things were not really true and we want the dream of happily ever after. So to stay safe, you need to get all the support possible – any way you can – from books to webinars to You Tubes etc to keep educating yourself and reminding yourself of what the truth really is. Then slowly you will feel safe and protected and the denial will lessen and the Stockholm Syndrome will ease away. Bottom line : keep away from Sociopaths at all costs because they will destroy your sanity. Surround yourself with those who will support your stance and you will heal.

[polestar]

Hi needtoheal – I really liked and appreciated what you explained about. It brought me more understanding and truly made a difference in my heart the way you told about what you were going through back before. In future I will be able to post and to be more accepting of wherever someone is on their healing journey who comes to this forum seeking solace or validation. Thank you very much.

[need2heal]

Hi polestar – you’re very welcome! I’m glad my perspective helped you 🙂
We’re all here to receive and give support. Have a wonderful day!

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