How to deal with someone who lies?

[starmom41]

Lying is one of their traits, right? Similar to something I read on Sam Vaknin’s site long ago, a ‘path can have the uncanny ability to appear to others as rational and truthful while the individual he’s harming looks like a wacko. I thought I should come here for input/advice. The ‘path is one of this apartment building’s landlords. For over 3 years he’s been going through one extreme tactic to another to try to drive me out of here- to cause me to ‘willingly’ move out. Problem #1 is he makes a point of not having witnesses- and one time even admitted that. Problem #2 is he undermines me so it’s not likely anyone would listen to or believe me.

These two problems seem to me to be like any abuser:
– They’ve ‘got ya where they want ya’- you have no real options but to tolerate it.
– To reach out for help would result in getting kicked out in the street and becoming homeless.
– Reaching out for help would be useless anyway, because who would believe me over him?
– And with those three points, he has like a sadistic glee over it all. Like he has the power to harm, and enjoys both the power and the results.

Some examples of what’s been going on:
– This apartment has been going through one remodeling job after another, always something going on and not for any practical purpose; the disruptions interfere with every aspect of my everyday life, including the work time I’ve been losing from work-from-home job has resulted in significant losses of income.
– In general, he shows up here at least once a week, no reason other than to harass me.
– He’s implied he can enter this place whenever he wishes, and has encouraged contractors and even total strangers to assume the same.
– I’ve been on the receiving end of insults, sarcasm, ridicule; and portrayed to others as nothing but a nuisance and a chronic complainer. My main concern is the latter leads others to not take me seriously. One example: last summer I was poisoned by pesticide- when I told him this, he just chuckled. After I said I cannot be exposed to any more chemicals, he not only hired someone to spray more on a regular basis but also said he intends to do it weekly himself. (The only reason there are roaches in here is there’s a hole in the wall that he won’t fix). The point: the poisoning last year required medical care, including antibiotics to try to neutralize the poison, and the doctor who ordered bloodwork said if my white blood cell count had dropped I wouldn’t have made it. Yet he’s been going on like I’m making a big deal over nothing, not only increasing the spraying but spraying excessive amounts himself like it was nothing more than an air freshener. This stuff could literally kill me, but I can’t seem to get the other landlord to understand and put a stop to it.
– A tenant should not have to tolerate sexual harassment to retain a place to live, either. A range of examples including inappropriate embarrassing remarks about my appearance, leers, and one incident that really got to me: he leaned back, made a ‘framing’ gesture toward my ‘front’ with his hands, and in that creepy tone went ‘HEE HEE HEE!’ I’ve never had any mental health issues, but started developing numerous stress reactions, panic when I hear someone at the door, and am a nervous wreck knowing he has a key to this place. Well, my concern proved accurate: a former neighbor who’s known me for more than a decade noticed everything from my appearance to behavior had radically changed, and as he didn’t know what happened, mistakenly concluded I was ‘manic-depressive.’ I’m one of those people who rarely gets upset, rarely gets rattled by anything, so he took my brand-new nervousness, anger, lack of personal grooming, etc., to mean that I suddenly developed that condition. My point though, is if someone who’s known me that long concluded ‘something wrong with me’ rather than ‘something happened to me,’ how can I hope anyone else would take my word for it?
I’ve seriously considered buying one of those little body cameras, as it’s the only way I can prove anything. But they’re too expensive, I probably wouldn’t know how to work it, and I don’t know if they’re legal around here.

There are a number of practical reasons simply moving is not an option. There are personal reasons too: I don’t want to give this creep the satisfaction of driving me out, and I don’t want someone else to be his next target.
Sorry this post is so long, I’m just totally clueless as to how I can present any of this so anyone will believe me.

[Sellenna]

Have you asked your doctor for any type of printed documentation of his diagnosis of your being poisoned? You could use that as proof against this creep. You also might want to show it to the other landlord.

Also, go online and google landlord-tenant disputes in your area. If you’re in the United States, there are websites about this:

– https://www.usa.gov/housing-complaints (scroll to “Landlord and Tenant Disputes”)
– https://www.hud.gov/topics/rental_assistance/tenantrights (this site lists agencies by state)

I would also find out if body cameras – and cameras you can install in your house – are legal in your area.

If cameras are legal in your area, use them to record the creepy landlord…and don’t tell him or ANYONE else in your building that you plan to get one.

If any of the other tenants of staff in the building ever accuse you of being a troublemaker because they believe this creep, ask them if he’s ever shown them any concrete proof of it. Did you not pay your rent on time, or something like that?

Hope all this helps. Tons of luck to you.

[Donna Andersen]

Starmom41 – I am so sorry for your situation. I know you said that moving is not an option, but maybe you should reconsider moving as a possibility.

The bottom line is that he will never change, and there is a good chance that you will never be able to prove that he is lying. Even if you do prove that he is lying, he still won’t change. So as long as he is the landlord, the terrible behavior will continue.

I know you don’t want to “give in” or “let him win,” but what is more important – your pride or your life?

Perhaps this isn’t what you want to hear, but I would rather see you living a happy, comfortable life than continuing to be tormented by this sociopath.

[slimone]

starmom,

I think I am not understanding what it is you have to gain by remaining in your apartment? Certainly it is not worth being abused and poisoned? You are in the fortunate position of being able to get out of this situation.
However, I do understand your frustration and anger. Believe me lots of us here have faced massive humiliation, abuse and devastation. We want/ed our abusers to ‘pay a price’. But many of them do not end up paying ANY price, nothing happens. They simply move on to the next victim, the next con, the next adventure. This is a hard reality to experience.

But, and I mean this kindly, many of us did not have the same opportunity to pack up and leave. You do. Take it.

[larinna]

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• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by larinna.

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