How to establish Disconnected Contact in a marriage?

[ayla]

Hello everyone,
I found this web site after reading a book called Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas. I’m married for 19 years and have a 15 year old son. My husband seems perfect from the outside, he is very successful in his career, seems devoted to his family, but he literally sucks at emotional support and providing unconditional love. Over these 19 years, I was depressed or emotionally unstable most of the time and kept thinking that I was the problem. After reading many books on NPDs (because my mother is an NPD), codependency and other related subjects and going to therapy, finally I’m figuring out that I’m being psychologically abused, put down emotionally at every chance and left isolated whenever I need emotional support. I don’t have a diagnosis on it yet but I highly suspect my husband is a covert narcissist. Despite many dsyfunctionalities in my life, my son has become my top priority and he is a healhty, happy, content child and he loves both of us (husband and I). I wouldn’t even consider divorce until my son goes to college otherwise I fear he will be devastated. So my plan for the next few years is to strengthen myself emotionally, start working again and have a Disconnected Contact with my husband while still staying married. Disconnected Contact is the term I’m taking directly from the book Ive mentioned above. My question is how do I manage physical contact during this phase? To me, having physical contact from kissing to having sex, is highly associated with emotions. Should I cease all physical contact? In that case, I fear my husband will become very irritated and resentful. How to manage? Thanks in advance.

• This topic was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by ayla.

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