How to not pay alimony to a fraud

[vicky0415]

Hello everyone,
I live in NJ
I am desperately searching and will fight until the end. Like many of you I married a fraud. Lied about being a professor, college graduate, fighting international police to get money his x hid from him overseas. Sounds insane now but man was he good. He had my whole extended family believing him for years. He also hid his major alcoholism and steroid usage until after we were married. I’m on my third lawyer all telling me, I am going to have to pay him alimony and equity in the home I owned before we even met. They are just paper pushers!! That’s not an answer for me so I’m endlessly searching for someone who has actually won a similar case in NJ. I was only married 5 years and let’s face it if you are in healthcare. We been fighting a pandemic almost 2years now and let’s just say I only knew he was a binge drinker and steroid user that I was trying to fix. I had no idea he was a sociopath too until his last rehab/psych stay where A good therapist had him call me to reveal all his lies.
The trauma is haunting. And the PTSD overtakes my body daily. The flashbacks of his endless lies. The cunning way he got me to pay all his bills etc. Anyway, if anyone has any ideas or knows anyone that can help me now is the time. He’s aggressively trying to get alimony, equity from my home- which again I had before I met him and he isn’t even on the deed, and my side business that I started during the marriage. He never paid a bill during this fake marriage either.
If anyone has any information to share or contacts for help
I’d be so grateful. Take care.

[polestar]

Hi Vicky –
I am so sorry you are having to go through this legal ordeal on top of having to deal with the emotional upheaval that comes from being involved with a sociopath. I know – or let’s say I have more experience dealing with the psychological healing aspect of getting free from those disordered people – but I will tell you some things that come to mind in regards to your ex having tried and that he is still trying to “ rip you off “ . The first is to see if you could get an annulment of the marriage considering all the things you didn’t know about him in the first place. Then he would not have any legal rights at all. The second idea that comes to mind is to contact many lawyers as possible because most have the first half our free and they each probably would have some good advise for you. I would ask them also if there are ways to delay the dealings to give you more time to come up with a strategy. Also, find the most expensive, most experienced lawyer. I once had a legal issue and called such a one. It was immediately determined that I could not afford his services, but because he was so good, right over the phone he quickly gave me such excellent advice that I was able to follow up on my own. Shannon Thomas has a book out about financial abuse, and most of it is about how sociopaths use money as their prime manner of abuse, but I recall reading about how some were able to hide assets and keep funds away from their spouse in the legal system – perhaps you could turn this around and use it as a way to protect yourself. Where I used to live, they had a free legal clinic and good lawyers would donate time there. Also search the internet for advise about what your ex is trying to do by taking money and assets from you that he in no way has worked for nor deserves. I just got another idea – maybe you could sue him for getting you to marry him under false pretenses so that he could obtain money from you. You could sue him for the amount he is trying to get from you plus legal expenses. People can sue others for any damages or for any ill intent they feel has been done to them. That may stop him in his tracks. If I think of anything else, I’ll post it. Keep up the good fight as you have been doing.
Blessings to you.

[emilie18]

I agree with polestar – call every attorney you can to get advise then chose one who seems particularly aggressive. Research New Jersey marital law, too. I do know NJ is NOT a community property state. What that means is under New Jersey law, “marital property includes all property, both real and personal, which was legally and beneficially acquired by either of them during the marriage. As a general rule, non-marital property is anything acquired before the marriage or any property acquired during the marriage as a gift or inheritance to the individual spouse.”
Concerning alimony, “A court can consider a spouse’s respective ability to pay, the duration of the marriage, the age and health of the parties, the marital standard of living, earning capabilities and employability, and equitable distribution of marital property.” This is all straight from various NJ law sites. Grounds for divorce are many but include:
“Extreme cruelty – when your spouse treated you in a way that endangered your life or health or made it unbearable for you to live with him/her (such as physical or mental cruelty). (Note: If you are filing for divorce based on this, you have to wait at least three months after the last incident of cruelty. If you are including this ground in your counter-claim to your spouse’s divorce petition, you do not have to wait those three months; you can include this ground even if the last cruel incident happened yesterday.)
and
Addiction to drugs or habitual drunkenness for a period of 12 or more consecutive months after marriage and prior to filing for divorce.”

Based on this you probably have a good case for denying him anything. Be sure you can back up ALL claims with facts and evidence, though. And be prepared for lies, false claims, libel and slander. He will use them all. Best of wishes to you!

[polestar]

Hi emelie –
Wow ! What a great post you wrote ! It will be of significant help to Vicky. And thank you for how much you have been a support to so many on this forum. Happy New Year !
Blessings to you.

[Donna Andersen]

Hi Vicky – My divorce from the sociopath was in New Jersey. In my divorce complaint, I claimed extreme cruelty, fraudulent inducement to marriage, fraudulent inducement to continue the marriage, fraud, breach of contract, and adultery. I also had 4 of my ex’s prior targets testify in my divorce – he did the same thing to them.

The judge in my case made the point that “equitable distribution” does not mean everything is split down the middle. It means fair distribution of assets according to the circumstances of the case. The court found that my ex was a fraud who took advantage of me. I was awarded everything I asked for plus punitive damages.

Of course, since my ex was a fraud, I got nothing. But I did not have to share my house or pay him alimony.

[polestar]

Great information and advice, Donna !

[sept4]

Hi Vicky I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

Yes keep looking and interviewing to get the most aggressive attorney possible. Ask around town who has the most aggressive reputation.

I wish I was still in the process of divorce. Mine happened when I was still severely confused and disoriented and trauma bonded. I was not strong enough to fight him. I believed his brainwashing that I was nothing and nobody and not entitled to anything and powerless.

As hard as your fight will be at least you are awake and can fight. Good luck to you.

[nosp]

@vicky0414 Check into finding an attorney in your area who was trained by the High Conflict Institute. He or she knows what’s up with these disordered people & how to best argue your case. No guarantee you won’t have to pay alimony or home equity on a house that was your separate property before you met the sociopath, but they’ll have the best chance of getting you the best settlement.

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