How to stop the Rumination from dealing with a Sociopath?

[celliapeach8]

I met the sociopath back in May of 2020, from an online dating site. I met him when I was at my lowest part of my life. My ex husband and I where parting ways. We were selling our home together and when our house together sold. I told some of the money and bought my own home, almost four years ago now this coming Sept. While going through all of that, I felt so alone and felt I didn’t have anyone who cared about me while I was going through that. I made the mistake going online and to a dating site and making a profile. I did it because I wanted to find a friend and I didn’t want to be alone. When I met him, he was so refreshing and he seemed so nice and a lot of fun. He came off like a blue collar type of worker and I liked that about him. He was going through the same thing in a way, that I was going through. He lived with this much older woman for about ten years and she was moving out. He lied to me and told me that they where over with. Which I found later was a lie and that they where seeing each other and talking to each other still behind my back. I later found out, he was still sleeping with her and he was sleeping with several other women behind my back. During the relationship he would no show dates on me, he would do crazy things to me. One night when we got back from eating at a restaurant, he said hey babe, lets take our showers early and go upstairs and watch TV. While I was in the shower, being happy to finally see him again. When I got out of the shower that night. The house was dead silent.. I called his name and heard nothing. I got so nervous and I thought that maybe something happened to him. So I went to the kitchen and that’s when I found the note. Saying it was over… I started crying right away and I was so upset. I tried calling him and calling him. He blocked me and I couldn’t reach him at all. Lucky that night a friend come that night and stayed with me and got me to clam down. The next day, when I woke up I was grateful that I was working from home that day. I was a mess and I kept crying throughout the day.. I finally wised up and I stopped reaching out completely to him.. I just went silent on him and gave up. Then one night when I couldn’t sleep, from being so upset from him. He started texting me like a nut at 300am in the morning! At the time, being still so upset I answered and I’m sorry that I did. It lead to more hell for me up until this past Jan of 2024, when I got the strength to finally block him and just walk away from that nut. That is only one story of the hell he dragged me though over the years. Even though I have left I am suffering from ruminating thoughts every single day and I feel like I am losing my mind. I just want this evil person out of my mind for good, so I can finally have some peace in my life. Does anyone out there have any suggestions to help me get through this. I am tired of it and I hate him and I don’t want to think about him ever again. Does this ever end and go away for good. I have been working on breaking my addiction to the devil these past few months. I am proud to say that today is 201 day of no contact. This has been rough, not wanting to reach out and confront him about his behavior anymore. I know it won’t do any good though. The addiction that Donna talks about is real. It’s very hard to break and get away from. Thank you to anyone who reads my post.

[Donna Andersen]

Hello Celiapeach8,

I am so sorry for your experience, but glad that you found Lovefraud. Rumination, unfortunately, is common among people who have been victimized by sociopaths.

One reason is because you’re trying to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. All the times you had fun – was that real? Any terms of endearment – were they real? Usually the answer is no, but it’s hard to wrap your head around it, because they are such convincing actors.

But if he is still on your mind more than you think he should be, that is an indication that you still have emotional healing to do. And the healing is not just from the experience with him, but what came before him. You were lonely because of the end of you marriage before you met the sociopath. In fact, it sounds like you never recovered emotionally from the end of your marriage.

That’s were the recovery is – in releasing the emotional pain. All of it. From the most recent experience and past experiences. We just posted a video series on “5 steps to recover from the sociopath.” The last one will post today. You might want to check it out.

Lovefraud Videos

[celliapeach8]

Thank you. I will watch it and check it out. Also is there a way to recover from PTSD all the way, without a therapist? I feel like it makes it worse for me, when dealing with a therapist. I am tired of spending the money and taking so much time off of work all the time. Since all of that happened to me, I have been working on my recovery since that happened to me. I have cut that sociopath completely out of my life and today I am celebrating 201 days of no contact. I loved your video where you say it’s like an addiction and how you need to take it one day at a time. Which I have been doing lately. I have been trying to stay busy with positive things in my life and keep my days very busy too. Which also seems to help as well. I have been setting no contact goals and when I reach them, I do something really nice for myself. This past weekend, I took myself on a day cruise. I took a lot of beautiful pictures to keep for myself. My next goal is to hit seven months straight, which will equal 208 days for me..

[Donna Andersen]

celiapeach – Lovefraud will soon be offering a recovery program by Dr. Liane Leedom that is based on mindfulness. Watch for announcements!

In the meantime, check out my latest video.

[sept4]

Yes I know exactly what you mean. I am a decade out and still suffer from lingering rumination. I don’t think it will ever go away. It is a form of mental compulsion. But it does become less intense gradually over time.

I think a new healthy relationship once you are fully healed would help “overwrite” the trauma in the neurological networks in your brain. I honestly feel like I would forget all about my sociopath ex husband if I met someone new and healthy. Maybe the rumination is really just loneliness.

[sept4]

Btw therapy also never helped me. It was a waste of time and money. My therapist just kept giving me basic self care and self actualization advice that you don’t need to pay for and can just Google online.

Actually therapy helped keep me stuck in my abusive marriage because the focus on self care was not appropriate for my circumstances. What I really needed was help to stop the abuse from police or court (restraining order). No amount of self care will heal you if you are still being abused. So my therapist actually inadvertently enabled the abuse by keeping me passive and focused on basic self care activities instead of stopping abuse.

[Donna Andersen]

sept4 – I have heard from other people as well that therapy didn’t help and kept them in the involvement when they should have left.

The deep emotional release approach is different. It’s about actually removing the emotional pain. And it works.

[Jan7]

Hello Celiapeach,

I’m so so sorry that you have endured hell at the hands of this evil sociopath. They are true nightmares. Sending you huge hugs hon! 💙💜💙

Im glad you found your way to Donna & Terry’s wonderful site Lovefraud. This site is literally a savings grace. Every time you feel like you are losing your mind, crying, angry etc come here and read & vent everything out. This is part of the healing journey. Venting really does help tramendously since your friends & family will most likely not understand the hell that you have been thru. But, we all do. So keep posting, venting, & reading every thing.

Start searching here at lovefraud:

gas lighting abuse

pity me manipulation

sociopath triangulation

sociopath smear campaign

Most victims of emotional, mental, verbal (not yelling so much but, manipulation), financial ABUSE like you have endured suffer from PTSD. This is what the sociopath does to their victims ALL intentionally.

Sounds like you are suffering from PTSD.

One of the most important things to do when finally escaping the grips of a sociopath is to focus on your HEALTH. During the relationship the sociopath intentionally cheates chaos & drama to literally stress their victims out to push them over their emotional edge and in return the victims stress their adrenal glands out & cause hormonal imbalance in their body (aka you feel like you are losing your mind BUT YOU ARE NOT HON stay strong and focus on your health!). The good news is you can balance your hormones & Heal your adrenal glands with a good diet, rest, plenty of sleep (which is hard at first when leaving a abusive relationship).

Here is good info on healing your adrenal glands (which regulate your blood sugar, blood pressure, fight or flight mode, over 50 hormones etc):

Google:

1) “You tube Dr Berg adrenal fatigue” then his vds “Keto for beginners”, “electrolyes”, “keto flu”,

2) “You tube Dr Eckberg Adrenal fatigue”, “keto for beginners”, “keto flu”, “electrolyes” etc

These will help you start your body’s healing. Also, look up

3) “You tube Dr Ken Berry Carnivore diet for beginners”.

These are very fast healing diets that will help balance your hormones & get your adrenal glands working correctly again.

Get vitamin & mineral deficiency testing including D, Magnesium, Potassium, sodium, etc very important for brain health & over all good health (Dr Berg has vids on benifits of all of these)

LIBRARY WILL HAVE BOOKS On Adrenal fatigue, Keto diet, Carnviore diet, Healing from abuse etc

Get out and walk with a friend or alone (if it’s safe) and look at the trees, flowers, sky very intently. This helps to get your mind out of the relationship thoughts and back into real life. IT’s not easy at first to shift your thoughts away from him and back into life. But, work on this.This method of getting out & walking and purposefully looking at natural helps ten fold.

When you get stressed out put your hand on your heart and just breath.

There are many you tube videos on “Breathing technique” that will help you to calm down when you get “triggers” (which is often coming out of this type of relationship)

Donna has a good article on “Tapping” so look those up to and there are you tube videos on this topic as well. Donna has a you tube channel as well “Lovefraud” and books at the top of Lovefraud.com (here) that are excellent. Library will have books on tapping.

Journeling is excellent too. Buy a few journals and keep them all over your home ie in the kitchen, living room, bedroom so that if you are in bed for example and are thinking about the relationship get it out of your mind by writing your thoughts down so you can sleep.

At your local abuse center there is free counseling (although the are NOT educated on sociopathic abuse in detail like you will find in Donna’s articles here) and free woman group meetings where you can vent in person with others if you feel comfortable doing this.

Read books & articles on the net on grief. YOu will go thru all the griefing stages like a death of a loved one. Understanding all the emotionals you will go thru ie denied, sadness, anger etc will help you navigate each phase of this healing process.

know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are here for you. 💙

BE KIND TO YOURSELF DURING THIS HEALING JOURNEY. it’s brutal to get thru this kind of pain but, I can promise you this, you will be stronger then you can ever imagine once you heal fully. 💪💜

Keep venting, reading, & Posting.

Wishing you all the best. Take care 💙💜💙

[Donna Andersen]

Thank you Jan7 for such a warm welcome to Celiapeach

[Jan7]

You’re so welcome Donna. THANK YOU (& Terry) for all that you both do to save so many & educating so many about sociopathic abuse. You both are a true true true blessing!!

Hope you both are doing well & enjoying the summer. 💜💙💜

Take care 💜

[celliapeach8]

Thank you everyone for welcoming me into your forum I really appreciate it. I realize that I have a lot of healing to do. I have been taking Donna’s advice and not falling off the band wagon anymore and talking to him. I know it’s not worth it at all. Tonight is 210 days of no contact. I have a day tracker on my phone and I have been setting goals for myself to reach. Every time I hit my goal I do something really nice for myself. I have been trying to change my thoughts from him onto him as much as possible. It’s really hard since I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety and depression from going through that awful relationship with him. I tell myself everyday that I deserve better and that I deserve to eventually find a good man, who won’t treat me this way at all. Who won’t play games with me and who will act like a grown up, instead of an angry toddler. Do sociopaths have arrested development like a Narcissist does? He really acted like an angry spoiled brat toddler with me all the time. I think that is why he hates me. I would enforce my standards and boundaries with him all the time. He would get angry whenever he never got his way with me. I honestly think that is why he choose her over me. She would just take it and never say anything to him about his nasty behavior at all. I would refuse to put up with his disrespect at all. Donna, how do I get onto your Podcast to share my story with everyone?

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