I could never figure this guy out….

[honibee]

We met nearly 2 years ago. It was business related. He was very attractive, charming, communicative and just an all around likable man. He was also married. In our first follow-up communication, he quite brazenly asked me if I was attracted to him. This behavior was pretty odd. I found myself engaging in conversation with him as to why what he was doing was not appropriate (like he needed me to tell him) and he explained to me how his marriage had been long dead, they were planning to divorce, and he was moving out in 2 weeks (which I later discovered was a lie). He said he’d like to be friends and get to know me, as he liked the way that I think. I foolishly agreed to meet with him for coffee at his office. In my mind, I justified it all. My intentions truly were to simply get to know him as a friend and, after his divorce was final, we could become romantic. Yeah right. Our first coffee meeting was very weird. He continued to ask me very pointed questions and I felt like I was under a microscope. I almost felt guilty of something, but didn’t even know what it was I was guilty of. He asked me if I had ever been involved with a cult before. That was a pretty weird question and should have sent me running, but honestly – I was intrigued by him. He was an odd duck for sure. He also asked me if I had any family living in the area. Typically that sort of question would not seem off, but it seemed off to me. He stared at me the entire time we talked. It was time for me to go. I like to keep my nails nice and he gave me money for a pedicure. How weird. I just met this guy and he gave me money for a pedi. I was hesitant to take it at first, but the guy was loaded and I knew the money was nothing to him. That was the first of many. He also attempted to kiss me before I left. I pushed him away and told him it was inappropriate He laughed. That was weird. From the moment I left his office, my phone was flooded with text messages telling me anything from how beautiful I am to how in love with me he was and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. What a freak show. I had just met him. But I was somehow drawn in. It’s embarrassing to admit.

Every time would meet with him, he would push the physical boundaries to the point where I finally gave in and found myself doing things with him I would never do under normal circumstances and would hate myself for later. I would tell him we couldn’t see one another anymore because it wasn’t right. I would tell him he could contact me after his divorce if he really was getting one. He would text me either the same day or the very next day as if we had never had the conversation and would continue to text me like nothing happened until I’d respond. He did finally move out, by the way.

It’s embarrassing to admit that I have found myself in and out of a relationship with this odd bird for nearly 2 years. There were many wonderful qualities about him. He was a great listener, always looking for things he could do for me, he cooked for me, made sure I had everything I could need or want. What woman wouldn’t want those things?

Every time I would allow this man back into my life, it was like a huge energy rush, but before too long, I would feel drained. The life was being sucked out of me. He was constantly complimenting me in a way that seemed unnatural. I truly felt like he was a very poor actor. He would tell me he loved me or pay me some crazy compliment at the most awkward times…..like in the middle of watching a movie…..in the middle of me talking about something really serious….it was like he always wanted to be the center focus….kind of like how a cat seems to always lay on the keyboard when you want to use your computer or lay on the blanket you are trying to fold. He was/is like that cat. He would constantly say how he felt like it was “so right” for us to be together and acted as if he had open access to my body at any time he wanted and would act angry if I told him not to touch me, like I was the one with the problem. He was always talking about marriage. Always. I seriously think he would have eloped the day after the divorce ink dried. Why the rush? I just don’t get it. He wanted to have a baby before his divorce was even final. What?!!????!!!!

I thought I’d finally gotten this man out of my life. 3 months went by. I was fine. I finally felt my strength and sanity were coming back. It had been 3 weeks since he’d last texted or called and it seemed like this time he was going to leave me alone, but I caved one day. I texted him. I missed his company (his normal, sweet, caring parts), and I just wanted to spend time with him. Suddenly, we were in the throes of things once again. He always expected me to spend the night. He acted mad if I didn’t. He had to maintain constant contact. I found myself spending every night with him. I didn’t like it. I felt drained of my energy once again. It seemed I become a robot when I was around him. It became all about whatever he wanted me to do or say. He was talking marriage again and constantly trying to get me to profess my undying love. I just couldn’t. There was no way I could marry this man and I knew it. It would kill me. I went over there for dinner the other night. We were eating, talking, laughing and he suddenly got very serious and said “you’re not with me”. The look in his eye made me a bit nervous. There was a steak knife on his plate and he had looked down a couple of times. I didn’t want to be overreacting, but I honestly wondered what he might do. This wasn’t the first time I felt a bit afraid of what he might do. There were times he’d leave the room and I’d be gripped with fear, wondering whether he might come back in and kill me. I don’t know why I felt this way. He looked mean. Was this an act or what? He ended the relationship right there, just like that. I agreed. He suddenly became very sweet and asked me if I wanted to take the leftovers home because he’d only be throwing them away. He began packing them for me, lovingly and commented on how I needed to be sure I ate enough protein. He walked me out and turned mean again. I said “just like that, huh?” he replied “just like that. I don’t want you to contact me ever again. this is the last time”. I couldn’t help but think this was bad acting once again, but was it? Underneath his mean expression, I swear I saw a smirk…to the point where I let out a laugh accidentally. He’d done that before too….that smirk would come through at the oddest times. He’d dumped me before too…later the same day, he’d act as if everything was fine. It’s just odd. I know I will likely never figure him out and I know what curiosity did to the cat.

[Donna Andersen]

honibee – the guy is a disordered predator. What he wants is power and control over you. It was always about power and control, right from the very beginning. That’s not a relationship.

Your instincts were warning you that he is a predator. Listen to your instincts – they are there to protect you. Read “the Gift of Fear” by Gavin deBecker. When you get the type of instinctive warnings that you received, you must pay attention.

So why did you text him after you had been away from him for 3 months? Because you are addicted. These relationships are highly addictive. We have lots of info about this on Lovefraud.

You must decide that YOU are done with HIM. Do not contact him ever again.

[Author]

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