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This is going to be long, and I apologize.
My fiance and I are due to be married on Saturday… something hasn’t felt right from the beginning but I was swept away. In the 6 years that we’ve been together he’s had “cancer” 3 times (I’ve never seen him with a picc line for treatment, get sick, have any signs of going through treatment and it has always come at stressful times in the relationship), Has never allowed me to meet his son (who is currently 20), does not tell me where he works, and until about 3 weeks ago I did not have his current cell phone number. He plays the victim card religiously. I am accused of “looking at” or “checking out” other guys, or even flirting if I say “excuse me” while walking through a crowd. I have lost countless friends because “they only want one thing” (both male and female), and he’s only looking out for my best interest. I can’t talk to anyone about him and our problems because if it gets back to him, I’m in trouble. He’s flown off the handle at me for “ditching” him while visiting at a friends house (we were visiting a couple, while I was spending time with the woman he was spending time with the male). If I do manage to get to go out without him, I’m expected to text him (through facebook messenger only) nonstop while I’m out. He has been in the wrong on multiple occasions and somehow manages to turn it around on me. I end up apologizing when he’s the one who walked off and left me in a dark parking lot because he thought I was paying too much attention to my friends (girls, who are also friends of his). He’s accused me and fought with me for 2 weeks over “liking some guy’s instagram photo”. He has a key to my place, I do not have one to his.
Last night I was accused of cheating. I didn’t. I reached out to a friend that lives 6 hours away and told her everything. She told me to run, NOW. That it’s an abusive relationship. I started looking up signs and darned if the shoe doesn’t fit for a sociopath. Now here’s my conundrum: I stopped responding to him in a sympathetic manner, did not make any excuses for imaginary behavior. I told him “I know I didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing I can say or do to change that. I accept that you feel that way about me” I stood my ground and had every intention of cutting ties and packing up his things and having them ready to return ASAP. Then he hits me with “My doctor called me and I have to go to the neurologist.” followed a few hours later by “They think I had a stroke” and “my phone is going to be dying, but they think I had a mini stroke in the last 24 hours. They’re giving me an IV and I’ll let you know what happens as soon as I’m done”.
What do I say to that? What if he isn’t faking? Can I really leave someone who is having a stroke?! Does that make me a horrible person to still want to leave regardless? I feel like I’m being played again because I stood up. He’s trying to make me feel bad. How can I get away without being a selfish, uncaring human?
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Hi Wantingtobreakfree, I’m so glad that you opened up to your friend! And even more grateful that your friend told you the truth!!
YES!! What you are describing is ABUSE!!
You are being controlled & abused by this man!!
DO NOT MARRY HIM!!!
Do you know that the bulk of domestic abuse is not physical abuse but rather emotional, mental & verbal abuse?
When a man says to his mate “your cheating on me” it usually means he is cheating on you.
Sociopaths want to gain sympathy and will often use “cancer” as a health issue!!
RIGHT NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CALL THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE IN YOUR COUNTRY….IN THE USA 80–799-SAFE AND ALL THEM IMMEDIATELY TO ASK THEM WHAT IS EMOTIONAL, MENTAL & VERBAL ABUSE.
Also ask them for your local abuse center numbers and GO THIS WEEK!!
Dont marry him hon, even if you are going to lose money…dont marry him. YOU do not know this man…he appears to have a double life!!!
IF you marry him & want a divorce you will need to pay lawyer fees and half of the bills he runs up with is double life.
FOLLOW YOUR GUT HON!! YOUR GUT IS SCREAMING AT YOU NOT TO MARRY THIS MAN!!
How do i know this? You called your friend & opened up & know you have found love fraud.
I can tell you that I too had endless reasons & gut feelings not to date my ex or marry him..but he suckered me in to marrying him and for 12 years it was a NIGHTMARE!! His cheating was endless like all sociopaths. Sociopaths are serial cheaters and this guy most likely is too. My ex husband abused me in all ways and isolated me also from my friends & family. One of the first things a sociopath does is isolated their victims from their family & friends & prevents them from talking to them about the relationship. My ex husband told me when we were literally just dating that he hated his “ex telling people about their relationship” so guess what I remained silent that is what he wanted!!
Keep posting here everyday.
ALSO IF YOU LOOK UP AT THE TOP OF LOVEFRAUD & LOOK UNDER THE “CONTACT “ TAB YOU CAN TALK TO DONNA ANDERSON FOR A SMALL FEE AND ASK HER QUESTIONS. She is this site creator and too married a sociopath. She created this wonderful site and others have posted that their phone call to her help tremendously.
HUGS TO YOU!! KEEP POSTING HERE…WE HEAR YOU!! WE BELIEVE YOU!!!
PS You ask “can I really leave someone if they had a stroke?”
YES, YES, YES!! BECAUSE HE IS ABUSING YOU!!! ALSO BECAUSE IT APPEARS HE DID NOT HAVE A STROKE!! He would still be in the hospital OR BED REST & you would see signs of him having a stroke such as speech issues, walking issues, paralyzed on one side or face, thinking issues (my mother had a small stroke you will see a alarming change that you would immiedially call for n doctor. He is lying & living a double life. He won’t tell you were he works? You have been dating him 6 years!! He won’t let you meet his 20 year old son? 6 years of dating? He won’t give you his phone number? 6 years of dating.
DO YOU SEE ALL HIS RED FLAGS HE IS GIVING OFF??
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Wantobreakfree, do a search up at the top of lovefruad for these things below:
Gas lighting abuse
sociopath triangulation
sociopath smear campaign
NO CONTACT RULE
Sociopath no contact rule
narcissist no contact rule
Also up at the top of Lovefraud watch Donna’s videos under the video tab.
OPEN UP TO YOUR FAMILY & OTHER MOST TRUST FRIENDS
Please know that a sociaoth literally brain washes their victims just like a cult leader does to their followers (btw cult leaders are sociopaths too!!)
You are under your boyfriends mind control…you need to break free…just like your name says.
How do you do this?
Following the no contact rule
& calling the domestic violence hotline and going to your local abuse center for free counseling & free women group meetings.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE HON.
Please know you boyfriend is going to do everything in his trick book to get you to marry him…post pone the wedding until you are fully educated & can talk to a counselor at the local abuse center.
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This is from the USA National Domestic Violence Hotline Website:
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence
It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.
Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners.
Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who:
Tells you that you can never do anything right
Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
Controls every penny spent in the household
Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
Prevents you from making your own decisions
Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
Prevents you from working or attending school
Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
Explore the tabs below to learn some of the common warning signs of each type of abuse. Experiencing even one or two of these behaviors in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Remember, each type of abuse is serious, and no one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason. If you have concerns about what’s happening in your relationship, contact us. We’re here to listen and support you!Physical AbuseEmotional AbuseSexual Abuse & CoercionReproductive CoercionFinancial AbuseDigital Abuse
You may be experiencing physical abuse if your partner has done or repeatedly does any of the following tactics of abuse:Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
Forbidding you from eating or sleeping
Hurting you with weapons
Preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
Harming your children
Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
Driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them
Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol (especially if you’ve had a substance abuse problem in the past) -
PS: Google “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” to watch their interview on listening to your gut.
Gavin Debecker is the author of the book The gift of Fear.
Listening to our gut is the MOST important thing to do in life…it is our alarm system telling us who to let into our inner circle & when to RUN LIKE HELL!
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Hi Wantingtobreak free, HUGS TO YOU!! I know it’s “terrifying”, been there too. I was so mentally, metionally & physically exhausted from my ex husband a sociaoth that I did not even have the strength to pack. I literally needed someone to come in a swoop me up & pack my things & take me out of my home.
This doesnt happen unless you ask your friends & family for help along with the National Domestic abuse hotline & your local center.
You are not the first to be in this position…so dont try and reinvent the wheel…ask for help!!
You state: “I don’t know how I got myself in this situation”
It’s simple…he target you & then conned you into his con game & dysfunctional world.
But you want out!! THIS IS A HUGE STEP HON…PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK!!!
You are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of FREEDOM…this is huge!!
I can tell you that the best thing I ever did was leave my ex husband & divorce him. YES, it was scary..scary because he had my mind so twisted up I could not see which way was up or down. Scary when I left because he made me dependent on him for everything..I became a robot wife…just waiting for the next command from him.
I want you to know that the most dangerous time for a woman in a abusive relationship is when she is either ready to leave or ends the relationship this is why it is sooooo very very important to talk with the Hotline (domestic violence hotline) and ask them for help with a safety & exit plan out of your relationship.
I can promise you this…with time you will be happy & thankful that you were brave enough to call your friend & come here and ask for help.
Hugs to you. Keep posting & asking questions here.
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ps Have your closes friends & family read the info here on Lovefraud so that they to are educated and can help you out. Look at your boyfriend as a cult leader and you as a cult follower. You must break the emotional bond he has created to truly set yourself free. How do you do this?
Follow the no contact rule after you set in place your Safety & Exit plan with the help of your local domestic abuse center.
YOU CAN DO THIS!! YOU ARE STRONGER THEN YOU KNOW!!
💜
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look up “Lovebombing”…here on Lovefraud & on the net. This is why you were “swept away”.
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Dear wantingtobreakfree, Jan7 is a marvel — she has given you the straightout truth and facts about the situation you are. BE SURE THIS MAN CANNOT SEE THIS WEBSITE Clear your cache so that your site history is destroyed. If you are reading any books about abuse or leaving, don’t keep them in the house. Leave them at a highly trusted friend’s home. You can also likely find good books to read while you are in the public library. (That’s if Trump and Congress do not close all 123,000 public libraries in the United States, which is highly likely to pass Congress in the near future.)
6 years is a long time, agreed, but I was in one abusive relationship for 9 years and another one for 11 years. One of my closest friends was in one for 22 years, and the husband from back then has successfully turned her two grown sons against her. They treat her just like he did. She was a great mother, except that she and her then-husband did not agree how to raise the boys. She was fair, and disciplined. He was a lout, let the boys run wild, let their friends have the run of the house, including coming and going into the house without knocking or waiting to be let in.
If you marry this man, this is in your future. He will likely get you pregnant asap, so he REALLY has a hold over you! You would not easily be able to work or raise your child/ren. He could abuse the children or abuse you in front of them. If you were to end the marriage, he could kidnap the children and disappear with them into another state. This happens very frequently. They can even manipulate school personnel into letting him have the child right out of the school and take them away for good. Or hold you “hostage” by saying he will take the children away from you if you leave; paint you are an incompetent mother; get the court to remove them from your home; get the court to give custody to him. Sounds like fun for you? Then GET OUT. I don’t care how “embarrassing” is may be for you, to stop the marriage process a few days before that Big Day. It will be a lot worse than embarrassing if you stay. Grit your teeth and GET OUT NOW. You are IN DANGER.
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I will try to write more later, but for now…
You need to run. Do not marry this man. You are likely literally saving your life right now. He will put the worst guilt trip ever on you, but you have to run. -
wanting RUN FROM THIS SICK MAN.
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Here’s a song about a guy (or a woman, when I sing it) who chooses to stick around and do nothing about the situation.
Song by Ed Haynes — “I Love You So Much I Hate Myself.”
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