I feel sorry and sad for him.

[pants]

i am sorry i cant seem to post my article here. Is there a words limit at all?

[pants]

i feel sorry for him

[Synergy]

I got your test. Try again to post your article? A lot of people post long articles.

[pants]

It still doesnt work 🙁

[pants]

Let me try just type in this. may be copy and paste doesnt work. I just came our of a relationship, a year a long relationship which i think the guy might be a psychopath after telling the whole story to my friends.

So i met this guy a year ago thru an online dating app. We met for a several times, for dinners, lunches, coffees, i took it slow, because i didnt want to get myself attached too soon before knowing who this guy really is. Obviously i didnt take long enough. We got together, everything seems well. He runs a startup business with office in San Fran, Melbourne and head quarter in Hong Kong. He got a law degree, works in big investment banks before setting his own business up with his cofounder. His background and the way he talks about life about ppl, make him seem like a decent guy. He’s forty and i am 32 and i thought someone older s probably better, more mature. He always travels for work. I have been to Sydney, San Fran and Haiwaii with him. Things seemed fine. He always said he loves me, adores, me wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, wanted to marry me. I met him in April 2016, he brought up marriage starting from September 2016 and has asked me very seriously if i would marry him back in November before we went to San Fran. He said we should just get married in Vegas. I actually panicked a bit cuz none of my family met him and if he really proposed i wouldnt know what to do. then of course it didnt happen in the end. He always says one thing and does another. Hes a walking contradiction. I have never been to his home. He said it’s been under renovation so he’s been staying in this serviced apartment. He never was able to spend me picture of his renovating apartment either. I gave him the benefit of doubt and thought he prolly just forgot about it. but then i never fully trusted him. Up to February, he told me he has prostate cancer on my birthday. I was crying i was very worried. He said he would do anything to heal and then we get married. i doubted but i just listened. He said he’s going back to Melbourne with the treatment and needed to spend most of Feb in Melbourne. I call the hospital on the day of his treatment, two staff told me this person was never there. He’s not on the in patient list at all. The whole time in Feb, he kept a distant, he said he didnt want to talk to anyone while he’s in a terrible state. I started questioning in my head but i didnt want to confront him on the phone. I knew i would feel horrible if he really has cancer and i doubted so i just stayed patient. In March, i met him facetoface back home in Hong Kong, he said i probably called the wrong hospital, i let it go. i didnt fully believed what he said but i cudnt argue with him. He looked sad. He said his cancer isnt 100\% healed, and he’s worried about his future. He said he didnt want to start something that he’s not able to finish as in he didnt want me to stick around. I feel like he’s pushing me away. Days later, he brought up another statement, he said he felt like I am taking advantaged of him on text messages. I grabbed him to see me face to face and discussed. he asked me why i never pay for food and drinks. He had never ever mention anything like that before and its not true. i also pay sometimes. so i know he’s trying to play mind game. i asked him to be honest then he said he feel like i am looking for someone better while being with him, out of the blue, another statement! Then i said no i am not looking for anyone else, he said ‘then it’s ok i believe you’ Ever since all these meet up and discussions, i felt like he is definitely hiding something. and so i looked thru his social media and found out thru his sister’s account, he has a 5 years old daughter who lives in HK. This girl he’s been telling me is his niece is actually his daughter with his cofounder. I was heart broken and felt betrayal. All his words were lies, all lies. You could say i am naive, but when he’s telling lies, he’s quick. if you question him, he could come up with another answer in no time. He is always talking about his co founder, all the time. He showed me picture of this puppy which he said it’s his cofounders. and later i found a picture of his niece, now i know she’s his daughter, holding the same puppy on the internet. why would he tell me all these?! Since two weeks ago he’s been quiet. I asked him to meet, he said yes we needed to talk. he said ‘I am happy to meet as friends, i am moving to australia in a few weeks time. i dont think we are gonna work’ so he basically ended it on a text message. All my male friends asked me not to meet him because he could be a pyscho. But i wanted to meet him one last time and see how he lied with his eyes opened then i tell her what i know. We fixed a date. We didnt talk at all before we met up. Suddenly, one day he sent me a message asking for work schedule. I knew he did it on purpose. i ignored him. he sent me another message 6 hours later saying ‘oh sorry i sent it to the wrong person, enjoy your day’ I knew he was seeking attention. he was pretending. Why would someone still pretend and lie at this state. Before i felt angry, and heartbroken now i actually feel sorry for him, he must be a very lonely sick person who needs to live in his lies. and so i met him last night finally, i let him lie for the first 40 mins, 40 min straight he lied. I could tell he was struggling to keep lying. i asked him to be honest several times. he stil didnt say anything. instead he told me there’s this girl he dated that he never told me about. he lied. so i told him i knew about the daughter and his family. He didnt admit a single thing. I told him i knew everything. He started sweating. all he said was ‘OK… OK… OK’, ‘there not point for me to say anything now’ I thought he would lie about being divorce la la la but he didnt. he didnt even admit that’s his daughter. Is he a psychopath?! he seems to love his daughter, he buys her gifts and stuff. I heard him talking on the phone with her, he sounds very sweet and loving. I don’t understand because its said psychopath cant love. What if he really is one, should i write to his wife and warn her?! I need advice.

[Sunnygal]

I think you have gotten responses on the ‘Before I feel angry’ blog. You might also look at ‘5 reasons why you won’t get closure’ topic. Best wishes.

[Sunnygal]

Sandra Brown says pathological partners come in all levels of social and economic success. Success, career, or wealth has nothing to do with mental health or your safety. I would say this applies to this man.

[Stargazer]

Dear Pants, you didn’t get many replies so it’s possible that people have responded on another post. I will put in my .02 from someone who’s been there, albeit for a shorter time period. Trust your gut on this. If you suspect deception, what you suspect is probably just the tip of the iceberg.It took me 3 months to finally trust mine, but if I hadn’t, my situation could have been much worse. Reading your story, I also had the gut reaction that he is keeping secrets and is likely a sociopath.

As far as warning the other victims….your first priority is to get out and protect yourself – both physically and emotionally. In situations like this, warning the other victim can come back to haunt you in unforeseen ways. Unless she is a friend of yours whom you have a special interest in, I’d probably steer clear. If you feel an obligation to tell her, just tell her once, then break all ties. You gotta wonder why the wife is not connecting the dots for herself, as you are. She may be in serious denial and will partner up with the sociopath to attack you. Be careful of any connections you make with any of the sociopath’s contacts. If it were me, I’d just break all ties completely. Even if not physically violent, these people are dangerous.

[Sunnygal]

pants Hope you are doing O.K. Keep posting.

[pants]

Thank you so much for the support guys. It means a lot. I am still in the progress of recovering. I still think about it almost every day. not easy, but will get there.

I thought of writing his wife. But after reading the comments, I am unsure now. I haven’t done it yet. I guess it’s a good sign, cuz that means I am not overly thinking about this guy and the whole situation. If we victim stay quiet and just walk away. Don’t they feel victory????? all I hope is karma gets to him.

[Sunnygal]

You win when you get your life back on track and have nothing to do with this very disordered guy. He can’t love. He is a loser.

[Author]

Posts