I need to know if she is a sociopath please

[mrmuse]

Hello,

I finally ended our relationship a year ago but she kept coming back so I ended it for good 4 months ago but I still find myself messaging her to find closure like once a month. I’ve been doing a lot of research and all this has opened my eyes. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible but it’s 6 years worth of damage.

I got divorced from my wife, who was amazing and I took for granted after I got back from Iraq. Anyways I decided to go back to college. While there I took photography and ended up being very good at it and winning a lot of awards. One day I was in one of my art classes and a girl started talking to me. I asked if she would like to model because I was doing a new shoot and gave her my card and left. By the time I got to my car she was already messaging me. We set up a shoot for the next day. We did the shoot and then she left. An hr after that I got a text saying we needed to talk about the sexual tension that was there. At the time I was 33 and she was 21 and I said I wouldn’t date anyone under 25 so I didn’t feel any sexual tension and it wasn’t a risqué shoot. Being recently divorced I decided why not play along. She talked about a lot of sexual stuff and told me she wanted to come over the next day. She came over and we talked and she said she didn’t have a boyfriend and we made out. After that she started coming over daily. About a week later she said she did have a boyfriend but he beats her and she’s leaving him. That should have been the sign to say bye but I believed her. She said has been dating him for 6 years and he’s the only person she has ever dated and slept with so asked if we could take things slow which was fine with me. She kept coming everyday and we would spend all day in bed. She made me feel like she was made for me personally. Everything I said I liked or was into she said it was the same for her. This went on for about 4 months and she was telling me she loved me but was still with her boyfriend so I started saying I’m not doing this anymore. I wouldn’t talk to her for 2 days and she would call and talk until she fell asleep saying I don’t understand that they aren’t in love and she only sees him once a week for a couple hours. This went on for another 2 months where I would stop and she would convince me to wait. While waiting she picked another house for me to get and would basically stay there all day. 6 months in she calls balling saying she broke up with him because he kissed her best friend, not because they weren’t in love, then everyday after she would say he kept coming by her dad’s house and she had to be there so he wouldn’t steal her dog. This went on for like 2 months but she always made everything make sense. Then that stopped and she started staying with me. Since I met her she always was on her phone and made sure I never could see what she was doing and would bring it with her to pee. I’d never been a jealous person because my ex wife was faithful so I thought it was weird but didn’t question it. Like 4 months later she said she had tickets to see Coldplay that she got with her ex but she made him sale his so they wouldn’t be sitting beside each other. While she was gone I had a seizure and crashed through a glass table and didn’t know what was going on. She found me and from then on she wouldn’t mention her ex. I would keep asking if we where a couple because she was very active on social but i didnt exist on it. Around a month later she said yes. We where there for a year and besides the phone nothing seemed weird but she worked then and we didn’t see each other all the time. From there she picked another house and we moved there. When we got there things started to stand out. One day she was showing me something on her phone and a message popped up saying when can I see you again and I was like what is this. She said it was a guy she went on one date with when her and her ex broke up. I said I thought you loved me and that’s why you left your ex we never said we where dating other people. She played it off and said she is only with me and hadn’t talked to him since that date. She could tell I was getting suspicious so she said why don’t we say we’re a couple on social to take my mind off it. A couple weeks later her ex started driving by everyday then moved in 4 houses down. I also caught her going through my phone, something I had never done but I dont cheat so I didn’t even have a password. I asked what she was doing and she played it off. Then I caught her again so I said let me see your phone and said she had to go to the bathroom first then came back with it unlocked and showed me but obviously she erased anything that would have been there. By then she stopped working and was on my bank account and just did whatever she wanted. I always told her I had a thing for hair on her crotch and she always kept it to make me happy then one day she said she was going out with friends and I saw her get out of the shower and I saw she just shaved it. I asked why and she said she was just going to trim it but messed up so shaved it all then said her ex said the same thing when she started seeing me and that really caught my attention but I don’t think she realized how bad she slipped. By then she had isolated me from all my friends and we would only hang out with her friends. When she got back I told her I have a gut feeling something is off so she poured on the love and said how about we make our phone codes the same. I got sick of living by her ex so she picked another house. When we moved there her lies started to unravel. She went to the gym one day and came back and said she ran into someone she slept with and it was akward. I told her you told me I was the only other person you have been with and she blew up and said it was one of the times her and her ex broke up when she was younger. Then I asked what the real number was and she said 3 and you swear on your parents and she said she doesn’t do that and finally she said she has been with 6 people. I didn’t care about the numbers it’s the lying I couldn’t take and we had our first big fight and I have never fought with someone like that. She was screaming at the top of her lungs punching walls and I’m not a fighter, I’d rather take a walk and calm down and talk but that was impossible with her. She would get in her car and follow me and make me get in. Never would she apologize though. Later on she asked if her friend could stay for 2 weeks so I said ok. I would work all day and had no idea what she was doing. One day I came home and I had the feeling in my gut again and checked her phone and 1 there was one message from her ex as a response saying I don’t know so she obviously was talking to him and deleting the messages. #2 the messages to the friend that was staying with us talked so much crap about me saying she was sick of me and I drove her crazy and just mean ass stuff and I thought everything was OK. So I woke her up and said get out of my house. Another blow out fight. She wouldn’t leave and said she was drinking and just talking crap and said her ex must have text the wrong number. Then i said swear on your parents and she did this time. The next day she turned on the full charm and said she was going to do better and she never knew love like this and would never be the same if I made her leave and she would never love again. A couple months after that I caught her going through my phone again so I went and grabbed hers and put in our code and she changed it. I told her tell me what the code is or get out. She wouldn’t do it and another blow out fight. Them she grabbed the phone out of my hand and ran in the room and locked the door. 10 minutes later she came out with the phone open and said look through it and I wouldn’t even take it from her. During all this time I had caught her in numerous lies but she always played it off and I don’t know why but I kept believing her when she would say she’s going through things and promised she would change and be the person I deserve. After that we found out her dad had cancer so we spent a lot of time over there and where doing better. I asked for his permission to marry her. Then he went on hospice and we stayed there for a week. I was a medic in the Army so when he passed I had to go pronounce him and break it to her and her sister. After that I did everything for her. I settled his estate, found out he took out cards in her name so set it up for the estate to pay that then the rest of the money was split between them. Her mom ended up stealing the money that was suppose to pay her debt. She is diagnosed as a sociopath and they haven’t been together in 15 years and she lives with her boyfriend of 10 years. At the same time her ex moved on the same street as us again. She started drinking a lot and always going out but never wanted me to come with her. I would have a seizure and she would leave and come back at 3 in the morning. Then covid hit. Like 6 months later she was on her phone more than I had ever seen her and being extremely shady. We shared a phone plan then so i checked the bill and she had text one number 8k times that month and would call the second i walked out the door. But that number wasnt in her messages. I finally had enough and told her I can’t take it anymore. She went through the same spill and said we would move 20 minutes away and start over fresh and she would never lie again and life would be perfect. So we moved and in the 4 months she was there we only had sex twice. We use to have it daily. Then one night she went out and didn’t come home. She had never done that before and when she came home she said she got drunk and her phone died and she stayed with her friend. I told her I will not live like that. Stress causes my seizures and I was having them often. I would try to call when I had one but she would never answer but everytime she came home she knew she messed up and really wanted us to work. It got to where every 3 days she wouldn’t come home. She always had an excuse and would just look me in the eye and lie. She still didn’t work so I paid for every single thing she did. We didn’t spend one holiday together that year because she was with friends. Then my dog I had for 6 years died and it hit me hard and she came back and helped me bury him but the next morning left and didn’t come home and that was the last straw. I told her get out but she refused to leave. She would still leave every 3 days. So I got my debit card from her and basically broke up with her but she wouldn’t leave so it was extremely akward. Then I looked at the phone bill again and saw she was talking to her ex so u decided to drive by there and her car was there at 7 in the morning. I sent her a picture and went back and put all her stuff outside and locked the doors. She knew there was no getting out of that one. A week after she left she messaged and said she was living with her friend and she hated life and she knows she messed up but she would never love again and I was the only one for her so I asked her if she had slept with anyone and she swore on her dad’s soul she hadn’t. That was a year ago. I never let her back in the house and moved 6 months ago back to town. 2 months after that she said that the girl she was living with was driving her crazy but she owed her 7k and all she wanted was to fix us. She kept pouring on the charm and swearing she was living with her girlfriend. One day I’m on Instagram and see that her ex’s picture is of the 2 of them. I called him and asked if they where together and it turns out they got a house together the day she left. We talked for 2 hours that night and he told me they stayed in contact the whole time. I told him she has been texting me for months saying she loves me more than life and begging for me to take her back. He asked that I screen shot it and sent it to him so I sent it all and I was on the phone when he confronted her and she told him I made it up and she hadn’t talked to me since she left all while reading the screen shots. Then we talked more and it turns out they had been together for a year and she was pulling the same thing with him and he had caught her at another guy’s house on 3 different mornings and says he’s kicking her out. He doesn’t kick her out and we don’t talk for like 2 weeks then she messages and says she’s leaving him that day if I would give her one more chance to prove that she learned her lesson and can change. I don’t know why I always say yes to her but I did. That day she brings all her stuff and her dog she’s had for 7 years and stays the night. The next day she says she hasn’t felt comfort or like she was home like that since she turned into an alcoholic. Oh yeah the whole time she was living with him she told me she stopped drinking and taking Xanax which she had been on since her dad passed. Turns out she still wasn’t working and would drink a case a day starting when she woke up. So the next morning she says she has to babysit her friends kid and could I watch her dog and she would be back. She didn’t come back for 3 days and only came then because she said she felt like she was dying and didn’t want to be alone. For the next month everyday she said she would come by but then everyday she was deadly sick and couldn’t make it. Continuously borrowed money because she doesn’t work. I would tell her I’m done with this look at everything you have done to me and list some stuff off and her response is always I’m not going to respond when your picking on me. I’m like everything I’m saying is true how is that picking on you and then she wouldn’t respond. Everything would always somehow be my fault and if I said one of the horrible things she did she would say quit picking on me. For 4 months I told her I’m done come get your stuff and your dog which you haven’t even asked about. Everyday she had an excuse why she couldn’t. Finally a month later I said this is your last day if you don’t get it he’s going to the pound and I’m throwing your stuff away. She didn’t show. Then that’s when I would text like once a month just wanting the truth about if anything was real and all I got back was insanely mean messages. Yesterday I found out she’s engaged to the guy that her ex caught her with. I messaged and said I’m putting your stuff by the road today come and get it or I’m donating it. She replied telling me to stop messaging her and called me a stalker, predator, and a bully. I’ve had her number blocked the past month. Have no idea where she lives or what she does. I asked if she read the message and she said no I never read your messages because all you do is bully me so I said well it said you could get your stuff and she said oh thanks ok ill get it but by then she just blew my mind so I donated it. Apparently her dog is mine now. She is evil now but still managed to stay she’s still staying with her girlfriend which I never even asked about so I guess she wanted to throw one more lie out. Since then I’ve been reading about sociopaths and it all rang true. I would like yalls opinion. I’m sorry it was so long. It was 6 years and a lot she has done. I left out tons. What I don’t get is why I still can’t get her out of my head. I would never be with her again but I just want closure which I’ll never get. I blocked her today and deleted every picture and every reminder and I will never speak to her again. Although I don’t think she will ever try again. Please let me know your opinions and any advice on how to move on would be great. I don’t feel like I can ever trust again. I don’t regret much in life but asking her to Mosel is my biggest regret ever.

Thank you

[polestar]

Hi mrmuse – when there is sexual intimacy, a bond is formed / physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The longer the time together, the deeper grows the bond. When abuse is added, in the survivor community – we call it trauma bonding. So you have both of those issues together and it is completely normal to have a difficult time cutting loose from that and all the confusion and upset that goes along with it. It takes a tremendous amount of commitment and strength and persistence to stay away from the ex partner ( what we call “ going No Contact “ ) in order to heal. I will continue to post on the next post because I want to be sure this gets posted – to be continued…

[polestar]

Hi mrmuse ( continuing ) – as far as a label goes for your ex – there is a whole spectrum of character disorders that are diagnostic but we generally generically call people who behave as you described your ex as being sociopaths. The bottom line is that she is a liar and it is impossible to have a meaningful and trusting relationship with someone who constantly lies to you. Lying is the calling card of sociopaths. Do not beat yourself up or blame yourself for having been in a relationship with one such as she. They have a great talent for manipulation and then with the sexual intimacy as part of the situation, plus not having the knowledge of what you had been dealing with – normal people get easily entrapped. But you did all the right things like confronting her and setting boundaries and then ending it. ( post to be continued)

[polestar]

Hi again mrmuse – ( continuing # 3 post ) – so now comes the difficult task of healing from the ordeal you have been through. Most likely you will suffer from PTSD and you can research what that entails and how to heal. Plus you will need to heal from the pain you are in plus the pain that will come up that you were probably in denial about during the relationship. It is never an easy road but it is filled with truth and compared to the lies you have had to endure, the truth is like fresh air when you had been suffocating. There are many books out about Narcissistic abuse and good You Tubes about the issue. So it is important to become educated and be supported in that way and know you are not alone in dealing with this kind of trauma. The most important thing to remember is that she will try to weasel her way back into your life and you must not allow that to happen because it will only set you back and her poison will once again do damage to your soul. So stay strong and post anytime you have questions or feel the need for support. Thank you for reaching out and for sharing.

[emilie18]

MrMuse: Polestar has given excellent advice. No Contact is the ONLY way out of this cycle. You say you broke up a year ago, then 4 months ago, but message her every month for closure. Stop. There is no closure with these user/abusers. There is only more pain. She knows you still think of her, even if the thoughts are negative, and as long as she knows that, she has all the power. Be assured she is not done with you. When her current victim figures things out, she WILL be back. Don’t give her that option, ever. Block her on every medium possible. Change your phone number. Move. Whatever it takes. The longer you stop giving her space in your head, the faster you will heal. I am glad you found this forum. The stories and advice are amazing and empowering and enlightening. Keep reading and keep posting as you work through this. Blessings to you.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by emilie18.

[mrmuse]

Thank you both for the advice. I already suffer from PTSD from being deployed but this feels like a whole different form of it. I think my main frustration is that I gave up all my friends and lived in her world for 6 years and her friends became mine and who knows what she has been telling them. Is it normal to want to let everyone know who she trully is or should I just accept that I lost 6 years of my life and move on? Since I ended our relationship I have improved myself by leaps and bounds. I never realized how much had brought my life down until I left her. She would never allow me to do anything. Anytime I was suppose to do something with my friends she would have a “panic attack” and I would have to stay and comfort her. I want to date again but I’m scared after that trauma. I’m furious with myself because the whole time I saw the red flags but for some reason I couldn’t let go. Her aunt called me yesterday for Memorial Day and she hasn’t even told her we broke up. I told her what happened and she couldn’t believe it. While we where together she lost her dad, grandma, grandfather, and other grandmother and I was there through everything and lived through all that pain with her and now I just feel used for money, support, and security but I all I got out of it was trauma. I blocked her and I plan on moving within 6 months. I have to train a team to run the area I’m in before I can leave. I never liked this town. I cake back after my divorce and planned on moving and she kept saying we would but alway had a reason not to. I was doing better until I saw that she was engaged and that just brought everything back up. All the threads I’ve read are 100% true, it is 100% impossible to get closure or to make them see who they really are or the pain that they cause people. To her she’s an angel and everyone else hurt her. I was surprised that when we ended a lot of my family and old friends said that they never liked her and had bad feelings about her from the start. She’s blocked now, I’ve deleted every picture of her and all of her friends off of my social media. I live in a small town though so I avoid going out because I dread the day I run into her. All this has made me really miss my marriage. She never lied, never controlled me, and we made decisions together. That does give me some hope for the future but it’s going to be a long road before I trust again and I really hope the paranoia that she made me feel doesn’t stay with me. Is it possible to go back to who you where before the trauma or is it like my military PTSD and it’s always going to he with me now?

Thanks again!

[Jan7]

Hello Mr Muse,

She is a chaotic tornado where ever she goes…who ever homes she enters. Yes, here behavior patterns to a personality disorder like sociopath narcissist personality disorder. She has proved to be a pathological liar (look up here on LF), a con artist and a opportunistic deceiver = all traits of a socioapth. She can not be trusted. What you see is what you are always going to get from her = chaos, drama and manipulation. Your gut instincts are telling you she IS a socioapth. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT INSTINCTS!

Sociopath always create chaos to distract their target victim from thinking…they want to dominate your time & MIND whether they are with your or not. Whether you are thinking good things or not about them. they want to rent space in your mind for free. Once they have you thinking about them all the time and their needs only they control you.

one of the first things a socioapth does is isolate their target victim from their family and friends? Why? because they know that they can not con the target victim friends/family with words, touch, sex like they can con their target victim. They dont want the family & freinds to talk them out of the relationship with them or talk about the RED FLAGS 🚩🚩🚩 are giving off.

Glad you found your way to lovefraud. This is a wonderful site that you will find all the answers to her craziness, manipulation and control over you. One thing you should know is the way she treated you is EXACTLY the way she treated her other target victims. They literally will do the same manipulation over and over and many differnt vicitms. These types can have over 100 + victims thru out their lives. Everything is done intentionally to have power and control over their vicitims...once they have power & control then they take take take everything from money, to cars, homes and then they also want to break down their target victims emotionally and mentally to control them and to stop them from talking to others and because they literally love to break down their victims emotionally for fun.

Here are some things to look up here on LF & net:

Gas lighting abuse

Sociopath smear campaign

sociopath triangulation

pity me manipulation

socioapth reward & punishment

cognitive dissonance

No contact rule

She has literally been brain washing you. These evil types literally can use trance and hypnosis to control their target victims.

look up here on LF Donna’s interview with Steven Hassan (he is a cult expert)

She is your CULT LEADER. and you her CULT FOLLOWER.

once you understand this you can start to unravel the pattern of behavior of break up & then get back together over and over which is the cycle of abuse power & control wheel (look up). This is where you have to stop this behavior.

If you look at the national domesic abuse hotline website there is a section for men in a abusivie relationship. YES, THIS WOMEN IS EMOTIONALL, MENTALLY, VERBALLY, FINACIALLY ABUSING YOU!! AND all the other men she is manipulating.

Best thing to do is exactly what Polestar & Emelie have stated FOLLOW THE NO CONTACT RULE!! Look up ASAP. Do not talk to her, do not open the door. DO NOT TALK WITH HER. AVOID ALL CONTACT WITH HER.

If you have to change your phone number/email do it. And, Do exactly what you are planning = move. These evil sociopath always boomerang back into old victims lives. Dont give her the opportunity to do this.

Open up to your family about what this woman has done to you. have them write down what you tell them and you do the same in a journal. Keep this as record because these con artist will trie to turn the table on their past victims so that the victims dont expose them to others. This is why you dont want to talk with her especially in person. AVOID.

For your PSTD look up “Adrenal fatigue” yt ch Dr Berg, Candida Eric bakker naturopath, Dr Wilson vids.

For PTSD and for your seizures look into the Keto diet. This Diet was created 100+ years ago for those that had seizures. This is a healing diet. See yt ch Dr Berg’s vids on this, Dr eckberg, Dr Mindy pelz, dr boz, dr ken berry. And, also look up Carnviore diet see yt Shawn Baker MD, Dr Mindy Pelz, dr ken berry.

This diet will also heal your adrenal fatigue/PTSD. your library will have books on Keto diet and carnviore diet.Get tested for Vitamin & Mineral deficiency. most victims are deficient in D, B’s, magnesium, potassium etc see dr bergs vids on all.

For closure. Your closure is finding out she is a extremely disordered individual and that you are LITERALLY FREE FROM HER NOW. That is your closure. You will never get a “i’m sorry” or get your money back from her…but, what you have now is knowledge and your freedom! that is priceless and powerful.

The best revenge against one of these evil individual is getting your health back and going after your dreams & goals and never letting them in your life again.

Keep reading everything here on LF and keep asking questions.

Take care. 💪

[mrmuse]

Thank you,

I’m committed to the no contact and I just made a daily schedule to help pull me out of this hole. Work helps but we took 2 months to revamp and I’m I a retired disabled veteran so I always have an income which can be bad when your in a depressed state because I don’t have to go to work. Luckily our revamp is done so I should start becoming very busy with my company again which would be great. I’ve also made a self help calendar.

I’ve talked to her ex and she did the exact same thing to him so I know that’s who she is and I know she’s doing it to whoever she’s with now. I have been giving her space in my mind by telling her what I thought of her. I never thought of it as giving her power but it makes complete since. I can’t change numbers due to work but she is blocked from all forms of contact and I just have to block the voice in my head that says check your blocked messages.

Thank you everyone for the advice and help!

[polestar]

Hi mrmuse – I found your question about if you will ever go back to who you were before this dysfunctional relationship an interesting question. There is a lot to think about in that regard. To me, it is like wishing that you had never beheld evil. And perhaps you never were aware that these horrible people even existed and wish you could go back to that innocence. But you were given a kind of a test by whatever you wish to call it – say “ the universe “ and you have passed it. You could have chosen to stay and to have gotten more and more enmeshed in darkness and could have allowed yourself to have gotten more and more psychologically sickened. But you didn’t- you have chosen the light and that has made you a stronger person. So you have been victorious and I know you understand all about that due to your military career. So heal and enjoy that growth that you will find has added power to your being which you will not to tempted to abuse. You know that Tina Turner has recently passed. She went through horrific domestic abuse and had the courage and decisiveness to exit that toxic and harmful relationship and to make a whole new life for herself. She was and still is an inspiration to millions even today. Maybe check out her life and follow her wonderful example as you are already doing on your own initiative. I think you are a very sociable person who enjoys others and even if you are not ready to date and have a relationship yet, I think it would be really good for you to meet women for coffee explaining that you are not ready for any couple type relationship but that you would be open for talking and friendship. I think there would be many who would like to relate to you in that way and you can start to bring back your old joy of living again.

[mrmuse]

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I was extremely sociable and would love to be again. Since the past 17 years of my life have been 2 serious relationships dating has changed quite a bit. I’m 41 now so my friends I have left are all married and have children, which I always wanted. Dating apps are a new thing to me. It’s like you have to have a pre date to have an actual date. I do know what I have to offer and how big my heart is, no matter how much she tried to shatter it. I’m just scared that things like checking cell phones and checking to see if they are where they say they are will follow me and I never was that person and never want to be like that again. Living life in a constant state of paranoia is no way to live. I’m scared that since I fell for her crap that I could do it again. In respect to that though, I think I only fell for it because I just got out of an 11 year marriage and the love bombing and mirroring just caught me by surprise because I saw red flags that I should have listened to but she had control over me and I ignored them.

I will never ignore my instinct again no matter what the reward may be. I just want to go back to being the trusting, loving, and laid back person that I use to be. I don’t want to carry this trauma with me and treat someone unfairly because of something they had nothing to do with.

I do like the idea of friends because before her most of the models that did shoots with me where really good friends and hung out all the time but she put an end to that fast.

I also think getting back into photography would help a lot. That’s what help with my PTSD from the military. I could take my trauma and turn it into art that people liked and I loved doing it.

Right now I’m just fighting to get out of bed so I know I have a long road in front of me but I pray I find myself again and I really hope that I can find someone that can make me believe in trust again. I would have rather her rob me of more of the money that she used for 6 years than robbed me of trusting people. Money comes and goes but I have a feeling trust is going to be hard to get back.

[emilie18]

One day at a time, one step at a time – just keep on keeping on…my Mom used to tell me that and it annoyed the heck out of an impatient, love-sick, frustrated teenager — but now it is my mantra. You are doing all the right things — acknowledging the issue, learning about these people, following the advice. It may not feel like it now, but it WILL get easier. There are way more good, honest, loving, kind people out there than sociopaths. Now that you know what to look for, I doubt you will be caught in another’s web. Trust your gut. Recovering from a failed love affair is hard, but recovering from a false one is horrible. It brings up all sorts of self-doubt, recrimination, revengeful feelings, self-hate. You WILL work through these feelings and come out stronger, wiser and healthier. Give it time. Do the work. Feel the feelings. Even after 9 years I sometimes have to scream into a pillow! I still find myself wondering if a probably innocent remark or action meant something else. But I have learned to look for patterns in actions and trust my intuition. And I keep a journal to keep myself honest. I gave online dating a hard pass, though — that’s how I met my narcissist. Instead, I trusted friends to point out the good guys. And it worked. Keep on keeping on!

[polestar]

Hi mrmuse – I like the photography idea a lot ! Being creative is so healing and life promoting. By being you and using your camera equipment will creat a positive vortex in your life that will propel you to get up and will draw people to you who can either model or share your interest. You could even join a photography group. It is important to get up and moving. I know it is not easy after what you have gone through and I am definitely not a “ Polly Anna “ – but I do know that sometimes it takes sheer will power to push through. You can be the hero of your own life and you are meant to be so. Do not allow anyone to rob you of your birthright. Blessings to you

[mrmuse]

Thanks all!

I’ve committed to not letting her have any space in my brain. My family already knew all the stuff that she did to me and my mom and sister said they never liked her from the beginning. I told them about the support group and how everything she did to me was done to others in the exact same manner. They are very supportive. I am getting back into photography and art and plan on traveling a lot. The city I live in is very small and it’s just a matter of time before we run into each other. I’m not a big drinker and she’s always at bars so I don’t have to worry about that. I do think online dating is not the way to go. I lost all my single friends when I was with her so I’m trying to get more involved in things so I can hopefully meet new people. I plan on moving within the next couple months. I just have to train a team to be self reliant up here then I can move. Once I move I will never look back. I’m sticking to the no contact and really don’t care what she told her friends and family because none of them will be in my life again. I blocked everyone she could possibly use to reach me. My closure for now is I’m a firm believer in karma and she has so much bad karma built up that I almost feel bad, but not really. I’m just doing my best to move forward. I will never talk to her or reply if she does happen to contact me somehow. Thanks to Lovefraud I know it’s just all a game and I’m not participating anymore. At first I wanted all her friends to know who she really is and all the people that believe she’s a Saint but now I know they will learn one day. Thank you all for your support. I know it’s going to take time but I’m starting to feel good about it now. I know what I have to offer and it’s her loss, not mine. I just pray she knows there is no chance that I will ever have anything to do with her and stays occupied with her new victims so she doesn’t hunt me down. Thanks again and I’ll keep updating as time goes on.

[polestar]

Hi mrmuse – I’m so very happy about how decisive you are being about your own highest welfare. Every once in a while I have seen some survivors who are like shooting stars – or like Eagles in flight. They just spread their wings with some knowledge and some care and off they go to become so positive and a great example for others. Yet there is no shame in needing to take more than one running start. I believe that anyone who tries will succeed because good is stronger than darkness. I liked how you mentioned the support group to your family and how encouraging they are for you. As I said, I am so delighted with how much you have accomplished!!!

[mrmuse]

Thank you!

I’ve just had enough of her still controlling me and I refuse to give her anymore. It won’t be easy but I’ve made a calendar with goals to achieve. I’m also in the process of making a website/ blog of what’s going through my head and all the new art I plan on creating. Another thing she controlled, once she modeled for me she wouldn’t let anyone else. So now I have 6 years of photos I just deleted so this is kind of a starting over journey with me and my art. I just plan on airing it all so nothing is left inside. It’s all going to be from now forward though, I’m not going to bring up the past except for the initial post. I’m hoping it can be like lovefraud except that it includes art, starting over dating at 40, life after being isolated from everyone, and living with what feels like 2 different forms of PTSD. Once I get it going I’ll post a link. This site gave me a lot of knowledge and made me realize that I wasn’t crazy and this break up and relationship was completely different from anything I’ve ever experienced. After my 11 year marriage it was over and I never looked back and it drove me crazy that I couldn’t do that with this relationship. Now I know it’s because she cut me off from everything I knew and made me completely dependent on her as a friend and a lover. I’ve started getting out more and soon the gym and photoshoots are coming. Then I have a move to look forward to. I’m just glad I found this site and found the reasons I felt what I was feeling. Learning that I will never get through to her helped a lot. That was my main issue was messaging her telling her what was wrong but it was all just wasted time. So from now on she gets no part of me.

[polestar]

Oh wow – your post was so inspiring! I look forward to seeing your new website/blog when you get it up and if you still want to post it considering it would break your being anonymous. But you have time to think about that. In the meantime, a huge congratulations and kudos to you !

[emilie18]

Mrmuse — so very proud of you! Not only are you healing, but you are thriving doing so! Please keep posting – your journey is inspirational and we are always here for those days when it gets hard. Bless you!

[psycopathhealed1]

You actually do not need to know if this person is a sociopath.
It does not matter if anyone is psycopathic,narssistic, sociopathic,
ANYONE who YOU feel controlled by, manipulated by , lied to, is AN ABUSER.
Giving abusers titles though true diagnois …. Gives them enormous power and prevents from healing from them. Meeting a person like this …is from a CHILDHOOD ABUSE..YOURS.
Usually a above personality/abuser was a parent.
If this info is not enough…and I know in the beginning it is not.
I know you are being abused by the amount of volume you wrote
This is normal in the beginning.

SHE is not the issue….. YOUR HEALING IS.
IF you need validation/ the truth/ closure/ ….which you DESERVE?

I will give your closure RIGHT NOW
YOUTUBE Kanika Batra …real sociopath

YOU GET TO HEAL….. THEY DONT and they know it….. Pathology is fovever. INCURABLE

NOW ….YOU DESERVE TO BE HEALED ,BE LOVED, BE FREE, BE HAPPY

START HERE : LOUIS HAY 10 ways to love yourself free on youtube

40 yr Medical and Personal Expert Psycopathy/ ASPD/ NPD/ BPD/HPD/ DARK/TRIAD/ fill in the blank…

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by psycopathhealed1. Reason: repeat

[psycopathhealed1]

You actually do not need to know if this person is a sociopath.
It does not matter if anyone is psycopathic,narssistic, sociopathic,
ANYONE who YOU feel controlled by, manipulated by , lied to, is AN ABUSER.
Giving abusers titles though true diagnois …. Gives them enormous power and prevents from healing from them. Meeting a person like this …is from a CHILDHOOD ABUSE..YOURS.
Usually a above personality/abuser was a parent.
If this info is not enough…and I know in the beginning it is not.
I know you are being abused by the amount of volume you wrote
This is normal in the beginning.

SHE is not the issue….. YOUR HEALING IS.
IF you need validation/ the truth/ closure/ ….which you DESERVE?

I will give your closure RIGHT NOW
YOUTUBE Kanika Batra …real sociopath

YOU GET TO HEAL….. THEY DONT and they know it….. Pathology is fovever. INCURABLE

NOW ….YOU DESERVE TO BE HEALED ,BE LOVED, BE FREE, BE HAPPY

START HERE : LOUIS HAY 10 ways to love yourself free on youtube

40 yr Medical and Personal Expert Psycopathy/ ASPD/ NPD/ BPD/HPD/ DARK/TRIAD/ fill in the blank…

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by psycopathhealed1. Reason: repeat

[psycopathhealed1]

Walk with your head healed high!!!

Its not a waste to be injured by wanted to be loved.
Its a waste to have lived never having the capability to have once…. loved at all.
WRITER UNKNOWN

[Author]

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