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Six years ago i met a man who i fell for hook line and sinker. Now 7 months on from ending the relationship i need to ask “is this man a Narc/Sociopath?” Have i been deceived from day one?
Firstly in the beginning he was all loving and wanted to know everything about me, wanted us to take it slow and we even waited 6 months before starting a sexual relationship (at his request). I first noticed he was changing when one morning i went to his place for breakfast and he was really standoffish and hardly spoke to me. I asked if he was ok but he didnt tell me anything. As time went on he started being pushy about wanting me to try threesomes and then revealed he is bisexual. I was accepting of that but i was unsettled about the threesomes and said i didnt want to participate. He then tells me that he wants me to go to a nudist retreat and i agreed. I went but didnt really enjoy it. As time goes along he starts being critical of me and my children, starts not talking to me after fights for days at a time, blames me for things going wrong between us, cuts me off when i try to talk to him about how im feeling, moods changing from good to bad at the drop of a hat, getting angry with me for being late to plans and taking too long to call/text him back, getting angry and breaking stuff when we fight, bringing his mother into it by saying that she is usually right about all his girlfriends(who according to him were all cheaters and liars), starts complaining im not giving him enough sex and attention and uses guilt to get me to give in, blames all of his problems on other people and when i tried to point out to him his role in the problems he would turn it all around on me or others.
I eventually gave up trying to talk to him and decided i couldnt do it anymore. I was tired, stressed, always wondering what was going to happen next and my depression and anxiety was getting worse. He now accuses me of “dumping” him and giving up on us and doesnt seem to understand that his behaviour was the cause of me leaving???
AM I CRAZY OR DOES HE HAVE A PROBLEM?? -
Julez74, NO you are NOT crazy!! Please know this, He is intentionally pushing you over your edge. He is creating a hormonal imbalance in your body which is effecting your mind. This is why you are feeling like you are “crazy”. In addition he is playing mind games with you = creating stress = hormonal imbalance.
When you get alway from them your body & mind can relax and that feeling like you are going “crazy” goes way with time. Your gut instinct is to kick him out of your life = your gut is working perfectly!!
YES he IS disordered!! One of the biggest sign that you are in a abusive relationship is the fact that you are CONFUSED.
I have also read that people that are “bisexual” have a high percent of having a personality disorder. Sociopaths do not care who they have sex with. They will have sex with anyone that they can put under their control.
You State:
I was tired, stressed, always wondering what was going to happen next and my depression and anxiety was getting worse.
This is another sign that you are in a abusive relationship with someone that has a personality disorder!! You most likely are suffering from PTSD.
On another support site the created of the site asked the question did anyone get sick during their relationship with the narcissist/sociopath?
Over 400 victims responded with YES!!! Including myself. The list of symptoms by these 400 victims were adrenal fatigue. I crawled out of my 12 plus year marriage emotionally, mentally & physically exhausted too. Most victims too! I was told by my counselor that I was suffering from PTSD. My nerves were frazzled.
What I have learned is the sociopath will intentionally keep us exhausted so that they have more power & control over us. That is what they ultimately want = power & control over everyone. They will cause so much stress that you fatigue your adrenal glands and cause many health issues. Remember the saying “Stress kills”…sociopaths know exactly how to stress someone out intentionally so that the victims depends on them.
For your health look into Adrenal fatigue symptoms on the net/library books. See sites like Dr Lam. com & Adrenal fatigue. org. My doctor was very astute with adrenal fatigue and issues me Dr Wilson’s adrenal formula vitamins. One of the bottles was just B complex (you can get this in your grocery store but better to get a good quality one at your health food store). You can in addition find adrenal vitamins to take.
My doctor directed me to take both: 2 am, 1 at noon 1 at 2 and 2 at bedtime.
In addition to the vitamins he gave me a Rx of Progesterone.
Within 4 hours I was much calmer. Within a few weeks I was much better = less stressed out.
The adrenal glands site on top of the kidneys and regulate Blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol & adrenaline levels (fight, flight or freeze mode) and over 50 hormones. They are a HUGE deal but often over looked by medical doctors.
Some of the symptoms: anxiety, depression, mood swings, not being able to handle stress, panic attacks, racing mind, hormonal imbalance etc.
This guy INTENTIONALLY caused you to have anxiety & depression. He intentionally created chaos & drama to push you over your emotional edge.
Look up the free documentary on you tube called Super Juice me. Also google: Dr Danial Amen you tube (see his NY TIMES best seller library may have them), Dr Fuhrman’s book Eat to Live and also Super Immunity (See his you tube videos) and google “Jason vale juicing you tube”. Flooding your body with much needed vitamins & minerals in my opinion is part of the healing process.
Find a good endocrinologist doctor (they deal with the adrenal glands) and get tested for cortisol levels (see testing info on Adrenal fatigue. org), hormonal imbalance, Thyroid t3 and T4. Look into NATURAL hormones replacement NOT man made hormones should you need to add this in. But, best to try to balance your hormones with a good clean diet (see below for info of good clean diet).
Narcissist & Sociopath narciisist (all sociopaths have narcissistic personality disorder also) WILL always push their victims boundaries…especially sexual boundaries = a sign that you are in a abusive relationship when someone tries to coerce you into doing things sexually that you are not interested in. Reading your post EVERYTHING YOU POSTED IS A RED FLAG THAT YES HE IS A SOCIOPATH!! HE IS DANGEROUS!!
You followed your gut instinct to get this guy out of your life!! BRAVO!! This is a huge step!! Now just follow the NO CONTACT RULE (look this up here on Lovefraud & the net) FOREVER with this evil guy!!
Do you know that sociopaths will literally brain washing & mind control their victims just like a cult leader does? Look up the Name Steven Hassan (here on LF) and if you go to Lovefraud blog (look up at the top under the red section) you will find a short article on this subject that Donna just posted with an up coming course by Steven Hassan cult expert & counselor who has helped many people out of abusive relationships which are cults!! Just with one person.
Look up the terms here on LF & the net:
1) Sociopath smear campaign (he was smearing his ex gf’s…he was most likely the one doing the cheating …and of course the lying not them)
2) Pity me manipulation
3) gas lighting abuse
4) Sociopath triangulation (he has pitting you against his mother & ex girlfriends!)
Keep reading everything here on LF and look up at the top “Bookstore” for books that will help to educate yourself for healing. I would recommend that you read Donna’s book Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopath.
This guy is dangerous!! Keep asking questions here, vent, and read. This is an amazing site full of valuable info for you to heal.
Sending you huge hugs!! 💜💜💜
Wishing you all the best!! Take care
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This is from the National Domestic violence hotline website USA: What is abuse:
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence
It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.
Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partner.
“Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who:
Tells you that you can never do anything right
Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
Controls every penny spent in the household
Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
Prevents you from making your own decisions
Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
Prevents you from working or attending school
Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons*****Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with*****
Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
Explore the tabs below to learn some of the common warning signs of each type of abuse. Experiencing even one or two of these behaviors in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Remember, each type of abuse is serious, and no one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason. “Do you realize you were in a abusive relationship Julez???
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julez- jan is right on. This is abuse. You need to get out and go NO CONTACT. It is not easy but you can do it one day at a time.
SG
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Julez74, YES!! You did the right thing getting him out of your life.
Just want you to know that everyone that lives with and escapes a sociopath felt like they were going crazy. That is how evil sociopath are…they stress you out, this leads to your adrenal glands pumping out way to much cortisol & adrenaline (fight, flight or freeze response mode) and other hormones and this is what makes you feel like you are going “crazy”. Time will heal your body, mind & spirit.
Keep education yourself. It is extremely common for a woman that was in a abusive relationship to end up right back in a abusive relationship with a new partner. Also ask your family & friends to go into detail of what they saw with his behavior. This will open your mind & eyes too.
No contact is hard in the beginning. Keep yourself busy with family/good friends & new hobbies. And this will help out. When you feel like you want to contact him come here an just vent out your feelings. Most of the time once you do this, you have no desire to contact them.
When you think that his new victim is happier & they have a good relationship. Just know she is enduring the same hell you endured. Most likely the same exact manipulation that he pulled on you, he is doing to her.
Glad you found your way to Donna (and Terry’s) wonderful site. What a blessing for all of us to be able to connect & lift each other up.
Take care!
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Julez74 – the guy is a complete sociopath. Establish No Contact. Never interact with him again.
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Julez74, please beware, sociopaths always try to boomerang back into an old victims life. So him leaving all that stuff at your yard was not only to have a free place to park & store these items, but also make it harder to get them out of your life and he would always just pop in if you broke up to “check on” his belongings.
I would recommend that you send him a certified return receipt US Postal letter (or what ever country you are in) to him stating he has 5 days (7 days what ever works for you) to remove these items otherwise you will have the trailer towed at his expense and the rest will be sold. Call the towing company now to ask how to proceed with this process. And you can call a lumber yard to see if they will either buy these items & come by to get the wood or who you can sell it to.
Make sure that the certified letter is return recipe that way you know he receive the letter. You also might want to talk with your family about how to proceed also. And if you have a friend that is a lawyer talk with them. And you can always call your local abuse center & talk with a counselor about this issue.
Be ready for him to give you a “pity me manipulation” (google) story as to why he can not move them “now”. DO NOT fall for his BS game. Do not talk to him. Have family/friend at your home the day he comes to get his things. But, do not talk with him. Just have your friend(s) guard the door. If you have to call the police if he starts any trouble. Have the friends/family at the home as WITNESSES. Remember sociopaths are con men and he may try to call the police to get you arrested for no reason. This is how they think. I have read several stories here on love fraud where their ex sociopath had them arrested for no reason. BEWARE!!
Most sociopaths always want to leave the door open to an old relationship the best way is to leave things at the ex’s home so that they can just pop in anytime they want. My ex always left things at peoples homes during business trips. It was embarrassing. But, I know after I left & educated myself that it was all a manipulative tactic he was playing. This guy too.
Also, buy an alarm for your home. You can find them at Large Box Hardware stores i.e. Home Depot Lowes (US stores) starting at $15 for a two pack for doors & windows and a whole system for $100 plus. These are not hardwired in…they are battery operated & are simple to just screw in on the door. The other option is to hire a security company that monitors the home & installs their alarm system for a monthly fee. This type if the alarm goes off they call the home to check on you and will call the police.
Tell your neighbors you have broken up with him & if they see him tell them to call the police after he takes his belongings.
Look into adrenal fatigue symptoms for your health issue & all the things you posted above. Very normal to have health issues when in a relationship with a sociopath.
I’m so glad that you found LF and that you are seeing exactly who he is…that is a true blessing to slam the door shut on them for good.
Take care.
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