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I’ve recently added a post to the forum about my recent experience with my ex over Easter but there’s one thing I never understood..I NEVER met any of his friends for the whole 5 years I was with him. This sounds impossible but it was avoided at all costs! Is this common? When we first met,he told me that his last Ex had cheated on him with his best mate so he was uncomfortable with trusting anyone to meet each other at the moment. I accepted that but knew over time he’ll be able to see he can trust me and them. BUT for the first two years,I found out he had a gambling addiction so those years were purely focused on helping get him through his gambling habits and financially helping him. He did con me and my family out of money and lied compulsively all the time but after several months of helping arrange help for him and resolving the stolen money, we put things behind us and wanted to move forward. Into the third and fourth year, I asked again about meeting his friends as he must be ready after all I did to support and stand by him and I haven’t cheated in my life! But unfortunately during the gambling trouble, I developed an eating disorder due to the stress and lack of control of the situation I was experiencing. Although I recovered from it (it thankfully got better as the gambling was resolved)but I was still a little fussy with certain foods so he used this as an excuse to put me off seeing his mates because they apparently ate out loads and drank lots of alcohol. He said the girls in the group were very girly (which I’m not really dressy) and it would be uncomfortable for me eating out because of the stress over food or what I wear. I didn’t want to be the cause for awkwardness for him or feel like I didn’t fit in and so I continued to not see his friends even though most weekend evenings he would go and hang out with them. There was one time when I did nearly meet his friends in Cornwall which ended in an explosive argument and successfully avoided. He never put posts or pictures of us or me on social media and although people knew he was with me,there was no evidence of my existence on Facebook,etc. We split up in year 5 (January this year) and just after the break up, I happened to bump into a girlfriend of one of his friends. We started talking and she told me he used to say IT WAS ME who didn’t want to meet them! They used to ask after me and invite me out but he told them I wouldn’t meet up. He had told them I was unsociable and described me as an anorexic who wore kids clothing and he couldn’t be himself around me. I obviously told my part of the story to her and we agreed we had BOTH BEEN PLAYED AGAINST EACHOTHER! However,he found out she had spoken to me and told me that she was a liar and twisted things. Understandably, she didn’t want to get caught up in this so smoothed it over with him and they both eventually blamed it on me to keep their friendship group. His friends all think I’m a psycho and a crazy ex who lies. But just to top it off,this week on social media, he’s been going out with another girl and took her tandem cycling WITH HIS FRIENDS on what looked like a double date in Cornwall at the weekend! So I have no idea why I was kept separate all this time? Why was I a secret? Is this a normal trait?
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harry1997 – The guy is a classic sociopath. One of their classic strategies is keeping people separate. He didn’t want you talking to any of his friends because you might find out that he’s been lying about lots of things – as you found out when you bumped into the woman. My guess is that he was also cheating on you the entire time, and maybe some of the friends knew it. After all, he’s telling them that you are psycho so they probably didn’t blame them. But if you showed up and you obviously aren’t psycho, well, that ruins the story he’s been telling them.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve endured. But it is all classic sociopath.
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