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My ex sociopath works in law enforcement and during our relationship would tell his girlfriends lies about me doing illegal things so they would be afraid of me, not contact me, and not believe me. He told them he had a restraining order against me and that I threatened to hurt them. All of this is false. I even have him admitting in text messages to these things bc he just couldn’t lie to cover it up anymore. He continues to say these things and I live in a small town. I don’t want to be with him and I just want this to stop, I’m afraid that this could cause me legal trouble or trouble at work. I do not want to provoke him or cause him problems but I want to protect myself. I had a lawyer send him a letter asking him to stop and he hasn’t. I don’t know what’s the smart thing to do here, what do you think?
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Hi lady – Psychological abuse is very similar to physical abuse and you have an extremely difficult situation to deal with. Your ex has a lot of power in the world’s perspective and thus a lot of persuasive power in your community, so he is well positioned to do a “ Smear Campaign “ on you. What Amber Ault says to do in her book “ The Five Step Exit plan “ is to say to people who you know personally, something like ( paraphrasing ), “ I know that what my ex says about me can be very convincing, and if you believe that I am the horrible person that he says that I am, I would understand if you want to avoid me. All I ask is that you look at the behavior and character that you have always known me to have and to give credence to the good person that I have always been. “ Otherwise, you cannot control your ex nor how people will respond to his lies. As far as your concern about legal issues, you might ask your lawyer if you can sue him for slander. I, personally would get the information and wait until the ex makes a move in a legal direction, and then sue if you could for self defense. I would be cautious to shake the hornet’s nest proactively. As far as your work goes, perhaps make an appointment with your supervisor and privately explain what you are going through, and that you are totally committed to your work ethic. Supervisors are people and are able to empathize with issues of those they work with. Actually, that would give you power because if they did try to terminate your job, you could go after them legally. Because you notified them. So courageously go forward with No Contact with your Ex. That is the main thing. He is trying to intimidate you, and that is not someone who you want anywhere near you. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Post as often as you wish to or when you are feeling vulnerable because you really do need support from those who are on your side.
Blessings -
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lady212 – polestar has offered good advice. I would add that one of the sociopath’s objectives with the smear campaign is to upset you. If you take any action, he will know that he has succeeded. So you may want to just document what happens, but not act unless it really becomes egregious and you have a lot of proof.
It’s a good idea to explain what is happening to your employer and anyone else who is really important to you. If other, marginal people believe him, you may have to cut them out of your life.
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