Lost and can't believe

[freeandhope]

I have been reading psychopath free…and am coming to understand what’s happened & been happening to me. It’s a great book but so raw and hard to get through. I’m so lost, right now, realising I’ve been manupliated, fooled and that my whole realtionship was fake, all of it and then to be so easily dismissed, it’s also ended badly with him choking me & kicking me then throwing me out on the street…after a year together. I’ve reported him, he is on bail. But I believe he will walk free, he is I feel too clever and it’s his word against mine & the police seem very not bothered when I’ve rang. He also won’t give me back my belongings.. He is trying to hold onto them, another game of his to play and still control me. No one seems to believe me or understand. I’ve rang CAB and women’s aid, who never got back to me!
I feel there is no one or nowhere I can turn to right now.
Today I should be at work but can’t face it, I’ve no money and no home , am at a friends house. I feel very lonely and sad…one hour I’m ok the next I’m a mess. I can’t believe what has happened & not even the fight but the mental state I’m in, I don’t know who I am anymore or what I even want to do or who to be around.
I even feel insecure posting this…

[dawnray]

Hey freandhope, I just popped in her and saw this. I hope you are hanging in there. The best thing you can do is get away. Cut all your losses and get away. Those “one hours” that you think you are OK are going to multiply, you just have to hang in there and get (and stay away) from the poison that brought you here. Hopefully someone else will chime in. One day at a time. One breath at a time.

[Donna Andersen]

Freeandhope – Dawnray gave you good advice. It will be rocky for awhile but stay away from him and it will get better. We have many articles on Lovefraud that may help you.

I know you feel alone, but you can do this.

[Ladybugg]

I am soooo sorry about what happened to you if it is any consolation these guys are crafty. So crafty infact that I don’t feel I have control over my own mind, feelings,emotions! I have the love of my mother and father and tons of friends and I NEED him to be nice again witch he is never gonna be. It’s like my mind knows but my body is in panic mode everytime I know it’s over! You are feeling completely normal for what you’ve gone through. He got violent with you luckily mine was just mind screwing emotion changing stuff. Make sure he does not know where you are. I will tell you though a’s lost as I feel with out mine I probably would not be phased by physical abuse. THAT’S HOW STRONG THIS HOLD IS! I hope and pray for both of our sakes we can stay away from them. I made the mistake of talking to mine tonight and he has had me in even more turmoil all over again. Don’t fall for “I’m sorry” or any pretending like nothing happened stuff. You are in danger with this man! I am in danger and mines just emotional mental abuse that is literally making me self destruct. Just keep up the NO CONTACT and I will do the same. We will do it together I had 4 days and was really at peace I thought it was over but something switched inside and I had to tell him what I was feeling and contacted him. BAD MOVE!! Just write down all the bad things he does and says and put photo copies of them around the house. I will do the same we can do this. Know your not alone and know you can write on here and reach at least me anytime😊 As I am struggling very hard and check it very often. Thank God you have atleast one friend to turn to don’t worry about no one believing you they disguise things very well and want us to appear to be crazy! That’s par for the coarse sending you healing hugs and lots of hope!!! Ladybugg

[freeandhope]

Thank you so much for all the love and support. It means so much and a little sad we all have to deal with stuff like this.
Time is a great healer. I’m still NC and will stay that way!
We have to look after ourselves and our lives in order to not let them win!!

[Ladybugg]

freeandhope
I hope you are doing ok I have had zero contact with mine I messed up and contacted him Monday. I am happy to say though since then not one text or email. I am experiencing major racing thoughts and anger in the morning. I have been blessed greatly that I have been able to sleep at night I think that is due to my new you from it works!! (it’s all natural) it really does help me sleep! I have not seen you in any of the forums and wanted to make sure your still ok, and still fighting the good fight of NC it will pay off if we just hang in there it is already nice to not have someone attacking me for no reason. only problem now is in the morning when this anger thing is happening I AM A BITCH apologizing the whole time saying I hate it while my mother is compassionate and try’s to understand and it passes after I am up about an hr to an hr a half. My Dad acts put out which I don’t need because I don’t like feeling this way because of a nasty pig I would never have been attracted to if it were not for him Charming me like some warlock urg…. just hang in there! I am!!

[freeandhope]

Hey ladybugg
I’m still here. Like you I have good hours and bad hours….it’s been six weeks now I think, I’m actually losing count so that is surly a good thing!
It’s crazy I know….how you can miss someone who was fake and basically evil.
Trust me though I’m feeling a little better already not having him in my life.
Im not nissing the constant feeling of making sure he’s alright and walking on egg shells, trying not to say the wrong thing…the constant anxiety.
My anxiety levels are not half as bad as they were. I am suffering from PTSD but I’m taking each day as it comes and if I want to cry , I do….I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much and as long, the pain can feel unbearable.
Keep up the hard work and remember self respect and loving yourself….this was him and his games.

[Ladybugg]

FreeandHope I am glad you are still here 6 weeks woot woot🎉 Yes the fact that your loosing track is wonderful!! I agree with everything you said about life feeling better not worrying about upsetting someone over NOTHING walking on egg shells and all the anxiety. I love to just lay amount in the sun and (vitamin D) ups your mood (sun therapy) I just listen to my music and think I’m free!! It feels good. Trusting someone ever again I doubt but being alone is peaceful anyway!!â¤ï¸ And hugs to you!!

[freeandhope]

Am back and forth with my emotions
He is still allowed to play games and not give me my personal stuff back, even with the police involved he can still play! This causes me stress and upset every time I speak to them.
I didn’t go to work again yesterday, I’m having trouble getting out of my bed, even though I know it’s no good letting him dominate my feelings but he is….constantly on my mind.
I don’t feel I have the strength to pick myself up and start again….no home no job and have had to move 100’s miles away!! I’m dealing with this on my own and I dont feel strong enough to cope.
Every morning I wake at a silly hour, sat thinking and thinking…it’s getting me nowhere!
I’ve read book after book, article after article but am finding no peace..
I want to tell the world what he is and what he’s done to me but stop myself because no one will believe me, they’ll think I’m crazy! and I’ll get no real release from doing that will I?
The worst is that I spoke to my daughter who knew him before me, she was always warning me, but she told me how much he had flirted with her before I came along and he was probably trying to groom her before me and that makes me sick and it makes sense with the way he was so horrible to her and about her to me…. I thought he was jealous! But he wanted her too! And settles for me!!!
Any words of wisdom on how to survive the day and manage work?

[Ladybugg]

Jan7 told me to get a relaxation CD from Sandra L Brown it is hypnosis for curing the aftermath of a pathological relationship. Here is the link http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/guided-relaxation-for-repairing-the-aftermath-of-pathological-love-relationships
I do not know what your beliefs are but The lord heals and gives me my peace. I talk to him constantly yesterday was horrible today has been great. I read psalms allot yesterday.
Slow down and Breath too. Meditating, relaxing,laying in the sun (good for lifting mood) I am starting restorative yoga myself I found a great healing one. Look up healing yoga. I got the one for rebalancing your body.(immune system, adrenaline gland, and nerveous system)
I will be thinking of you, you have my prayers (that’s what I do) feel better hope some of that helps!!

[Author]

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