My addiction

[nnnatanie93]

I have been dating for about 3 years. And yesterday she told me that she wanted to break up. She explained this like I didnt devote time to her and she feels unnecessary cause I work too much. I love her, but I'm just used to doing it that way. It's very difficult for me. Maybe it's something like an addiction, I dont know. It seems I always want money more and more, although relatively I have a good salary. I don’t know what about sociopathy, but I have no friends because I work constantly. She wanted to go on vacation, but I cannot leave my business. Indicators immediately fall. I am so used to countering everything that my employees do not even want to work without me. Perhaps the reason is my negative experience as a child – I grew up in a very poor family. Subconsciously, I understand that she is rather right. I often burn out emotionally because of work and it hurts my health. I want to have a healthy relationship with work and with my girlfriend…
She gave me a month and I want to return her.

[polestar]

Hi nnnatanie –
There are some reality checks that I want to point out to you that I hope will help you gain clarity.
First of all the world is in a crisis right now and so many people are in a kind of survival mentality because of the very real lack of security about jobs or businesses. So if you are feeling stressed about your work, and therefore having a hard time communicating so others feel supported, this is understandable in terms of what is going on these days. Secondly, it is necessary to face the fact that relationships do take alot of dedication, energy and commitment just like a business does. Even though people think they would like to be in a relationship does not mean that in the practical reality, that they have the needed time for one. Another thing to consider is that people have different expectations about what they want out of a relationship. If one person wants much close intimacy and lots of time to spend together but that ends up not being to the same degree that the other person wants, does not mean that either person is ” wrong “. It could be that their needs do not match up. For example, in your case, if you felt a need to work and put alot of attention to your business, and if you happened to have a girlfriend ( this is just a fictional example ) who also had a job or a career like being a musician that required her to put alot of time into her own activities, then your needs would probably match up in terms of time you want to spend together. You and your current girlfriend may love each other, and even though you feel you do give her time and attention, from her point of view it is not as much as she needs and this does not make her or you wrong. You might go to a couple’s therapist to see if there could be some way you could negotiate and work it out or maybe you will find that at this point, it just isn’t possible. That is better than having unrealistic expectations where no one is clear about what they want and need from this relationship. Just be sure that you don’t blame yourself.
Blessings to you.

[nnnatanie93]

Thank for such kind of warm words. She also insisted for a long time on the need to visit a family psychologist. I have been looking for reasons not to go for a long time, but now I understand that if she gives me the opportunity, I will definitely go.

[polestar]

Hi nnnatanie –
That is fantastic – it shows that you have the ability to see different perspectives and are willing to extend yourself towards another. When both people are able to do this, in my opinion, that is the cornerstone of a successful relationship.
Many blessings to you

[Author]

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