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I’m telling this out of order, probably. I should start from the beginning and go from there. But since this is all happening right now, I kind of want to talk about it now.
We celebrated my narcissistic brother’s birthday yesterday. He complained about all of his presents in front of us and didn’t give a single thank you for any. And to be clear, he actually liked his presents. He’s practically glued to his new smartphone and has been seen enjoying every gift he received. Nevertheless, he nitpicked little flaws in them all and felt no need to have an ounce of gratitude.
So afterwards behind his back we were kind of all complaining about the little punk. He NEVER says thank you. He tells one parent to wait on his call to pick him up from somewhere then gets the other to actually pick him up. He’s generally an a-hole to everyone-nobody is spared his acid tongue. Of course the real victim here is my father (:D), who has actually been forced to use the GPS locator in my brother’s phone to find him rather than for its intended use of checking to see if we (my mom, brother and I) are lying about where we are (though THIS complaint wasn’t brought up until we were alone. The tracking app’s existence is not something my mom or brother know about). And since he’s the one who got him the smartphone as well, he’s none too pleased at the lack of appreciation.
So two things. One is that through this complaining session I found out why my brother never replied to my letter coming out to him as asexual. I thought he never read it. He did-and he told my father what I said and showed it to him, but for some inexplicable reason never replied to ME.
The second thing is that my father is the one who got my brother the new smartphone and set it up. And my brother never gave a single thank you.
Now my father is known for being a rather ungrateful bastard himself. When my father dislikes a gift, he will rag on you continuously, in addition to not saying thank you, to discourage you from being inconsiderate and selfish enough to get him such a terrible gift again. If you’ve gotten him exactly what he wanted, THEN and only then will a “thank you” be forthcoming. Pragmatically, he wants to encourage the good gift-givers and get better gifts next time.
But this was HIS gift, and my brother was expected to be thankful and wasn’t. In the car yesterday, my father was still upset and talked about how my brother just took his gifts for granted, and if he didn’t shape up perhaps the best way to teach him his lesson is not to give him any more. Christmas comes-he can watch everyone else open their gifts and receive none.
Lots of parents have probably THREATENED to do that to their bratty little kid, but my father would actually do it. Ironic punishments are his favorite kind (I’ll get into that more when I talk about my childhood). And my brother wasn’t even in the car to threaten, and my father was speaking calmly and without even raising his voice.
So I’m really really hoping my brother wises up and just gives my father his dang thank you (and probably apology now). Because if my father really does place a moratorium on my brother’s gifts, I’ll be in a really awkward position. Narcissistic or not, I still care about my brother and wouldn’t really want my brother to have no presents at Christmas. But if that does happen, I would be ORDERED by my father not to give him anything. And my father’s a psychopath and much scarier than my brother, even if he has learned subtlety over the years. And the last time I purposefully disobeyed him my 3 pets lost their heads (long story as to what happened).
Plus I do care about my dad too, even with him being the way he is, and blatantly refusing to do what he says would constitute the worst form of betrayal. So…ugh. Only in my family do these things happen. 🙂
So…little brother? Please let your brain be bigger than your ego. Just this once.
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