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Hello, I’m new here and I need to tell someone who understands what my life has become. I’ve been married for almost 14 years, we have an adopted 13 year old son. When I first met my husband he was so bigger than my life I guess you could say. He had a great job, told me he tried to join the marines but they wouldn’t take him due to a bum knee, told me he was a walk on for a huge college football program, carried a bible in his truck, he was going to retire at 40, his mom was dying, you get the picture. I fell for it all. Then he would tell me to come over and then not be home or just not answer the door.
Anyways before our son was 2 yrs old he cheated on me for the 1st time, well the 1st time I found out. I left for a few days but then ended up coming back. Since then there have been multiple girls/women. 2 wks ago the newest one actually found me on fb. He told her he had been divorced for years, we were trying to figure out child support but couldn’t go to court because of covid, told her he lived in our RV at a campground, lies, lies, lies. I talked to the girl on phone and she says she felt really betrayed, then she sent me some of the messages between them. I was disgusted by the talk. Truly sickening.
Anyways I have retained a lawyer, hopefully he will be served next week.
For years I have been called horrible names, made to feel lower than dirt, walked on eggshells, afraid of what I would walk in to when I got home. He is always right and everyone else is wrong. He comes and goes as he pleases and I’m here waiting with supper on the table when he gets home, I’ve had it!!!
Seeing what he was doing with that girl made me physically ill. He will NEVER EVER touch me again.
My son will not grow up thinking it is ok to treat people this way. Its gonna suck but I need reassurance, I need someone to say yes he is a narcissist and I need to get out. I have a plan though for the day he is served just hope it goes as planned.
I am open to any and all feedback -
You are making the right and best choice for you and your child. No one deserves to be treated like this. Congratulations on taking this step. I hope you have prepared yourself for the upcoming fight. If he IS a narcissist, he will not let you go easily, especially since you have called him out on his behavior. He will not fight fair. You already know he lies – be prepared for some doozies. Let your attorney know what he has done in the past and try to gather proof so he can be prepared, too. There is a forum here about taking these types to court – might be worth a look. I wish you the best and hope your life from here on out is centered on what is best for you and your son.
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Yes, it’s a classic pattern all right. Sex, lies, cheating with multiple partners, grandiose pronouncements, hypocrisy, bullying, blameshifting, insults…
The only thing you might be thankful for, volfan1, is that your son is adopted. Unfortunately these personality disorders can be heritable, and some parents with these disorders find their children have inherited them too. At least that shouldn’t happen with your adopted son. It’s good to hear you’re going ahead with getting this man out of your life.
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volfan1 – What you are describing is classic sociopathic behavior. Please understand that he is what he is, and nothing you ever could have done would have made him treat you any better.
I invite you to read Lovefraud — we have many articles that will help you to see you are not alone, and may offer you advice on how to move forward.
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Happy the truth finally was revealed to you, and it shall set you free! All the best to you!
I saw how he told you that he wanted to retire at age 40 😂
Immediately caught my attention because several narcissists I had known said the same thing, between ages 40-50 they had retirement plans that were outrageous. Funny enough, one narcissist had no money, no house, no job and no responsibility but insisted that was his plan. They get these grandiose ideas and will go to great extremes (conning others, living off of someone else, gambling, etc.) to achieve these out of reach goals.
I also know a woman who said they same thing to her now ex-husband. She wanted to retire at age 40 as well, and said this to him around age 35. Now she is divorced, not dating, on anti-depressants, has several school-aged children and has to work to make living, a far cry from her dream of exploiting her ex until he had nothing.
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I agree with the others. You are DEFINITELY doing the right thing. You do not deserve to be treated the way you have been and your son does not need to see that example of how to treat a woman. Be mentally prepared for the storm of games that will come once he’s served with the divorce papers. It will probably go from “disbelief” to “anger” to “charm”…or charm to anger. He will attempt to swoon you with promises and none of them will be real. He might be able to pull it off for a short time but he can’t change who he is at his core. You did NOTHING wrong. It’s quite common to hear the reason for the narcissist behavior is because of something you did or didn’t do. It’s more lies to justify their poor behavior. Good luck to you and your son. You have found your “village” here and will be supported because we’ve walked this path before you.
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We will look forward to hearing the outcome. Good luck!
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volfani- Hope things are going well.
SG
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v are going well.
SGoltari- Glad things
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