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On this Thanksgiving, I have been sobbing over the continued pain I have felt this past month from finding out that my boyfriend of 8 years married someone else. I had no idea. He was even with me in the early morning hours of his wedding day. When I found out 2 days later, I texted him about it and tried to call him. He has never replied and even blocked me from his phone!! I have come to learn
that he is a narcissistic sociopath whose behaviors I would ignore/forgive because I love him. We rarely fought. I don’t like conflict and would excuse certain things he did. Despite that, I thought we had great passion and chemistry. We seemed to have so much in common and would have a lot of fun together. What I am learning now is that I am a victim of his major lies. I recently learned that he purchased a townhouse 7 years ago that I knew nothing about. We didn’t live together. I always thought he was living at his mom’s house because he was trying to help her after his father’s death. I am trying to climb out of the depths of despair and become resilient to the horrific sadness I feel. What a process. He used me. I was the one who would pick up the tab for most things. And when I wouldn’t, he would get agitated. I helped him get his degree, I did 12 papers for him! I even helped his sister get a job. When I look back, I did so much more for him than he ever did for me. I had to have major surgery this year. He never came to the hospital to see me or ask my family if they needed any help caring for me afterward. And when I told him it bothered me, he told me he was a disappointment and made me feel guilty about it! I’m sorry if I’m rambling. I’m so grateful that I’ve found this site and was even able to talk to Donna about my situation. I know I’m not alone and would appreciate any supportive comments as I try to get over this betrayal. -
Dear Resilient85,
I happened to drop in today and catch your post. I am so very sorry that you are are a member of this unfortunate club who have all been through some version of what you’re going through. I remember the utter shock at learning the man I thought I was going to marry was already married and a sociopath. I didn’t even know what that was until I told a friend the story, trying to make sense of his behaviors. She told me to google “seductive sociopath,” which brought me here to Lovefraud. This site was a godsend for me 10 years ago. There are people here who were married to these monsters for over 20-30 years and have children with them. And some, like Donna, who were swindled out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. So you are not alone. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need to recover. Donna has recently written a great post called “Thankful for the Truth on Thanksgiving” or something like that. Though you may feel utterly devastated, at least you know the truth. This site can be a great resource and support system while you recover. Please do not ever talk to this man again, tempting as it may be. Sometimes these creeps try to come back. Ugh.
My very best to you.
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Dear Resilient85, I am so sorry for your loss, and confusion. I know this site can help you immensely to begin to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I have also found it helpful to read how narcissts/sociopaths get away with this from the narcissist writer himself who guides people to know all the ins and outs of their manipulation. https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=H.g.+Tudor%2C+&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3AH.g.+Tudor%5Cc+
And there is tremendous help here for your recovery. Just know that it is not you, and they feed on your emotional upset. That is their fuel, your upset energy. Much love to you on this path of growth and healing…you are stronger than you know. And you can see from Donna, good comes out of these situations…and complete healing is possible!
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Sorry for your betrayal but remember, he is a sociopath and the new relationship will not be good. He is incapable of love. Healing will come for you.
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resilient85 – it’s ok to cry. Let the tears flow, because that means the pain and betrayal is leaving your body. As you make room within, fill your heart with anything that brings you joy. With time, your internal balance will shift to the positive, and that will bring you a better future than you ever imagined.
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Dear Resilient85,
I could have wrote this post myself. I also spent 8 years with my fiancee, he lived with me years 6 and 7 and he moved out for the last year of our relationship he had a traveling job which took him to many cities. Well, I found out 2 days before this Thanksgiving that he had married another woman , possibly even before he had moved out a year ago. He had been visiting me once a month this whole past year, we were engaged and he text and called me every day, he had even told me a few days before I found out that he was moving back and had gotten a job here. Once the truth came out to myself and his wife he cut me completely out if his life, like we never existed. But not before saying cruel things to me for ecposing his lies. I am devastated over all that has happened. I can’t believe this is my life.
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