Past was a lie, future was a delusion. How to rebuild after loving a liar.

[hope4me]

I’m simply demolished, unable to see a way forward after an intense five year relationship with a man I adored who turned out to be duplicitous and manipulative. The last straw came after he confessed to a four month affair with a woman he actually brought to the community center I built (he became a co-manager), and shared my private life with, attempting to build a future with her as we were planning our future. This all came out last April, after he broke things off with her, and wanted a “clean slate” for us. Two weeks later, she contacted him to say she was pregnant. Since that moment, I’ve been heartbroken and at a loss to find a way forward. We didn’t know for sure if the baby was his (she was married with 2 other children), so there was not much contact until the paternity test in January (baby was born in December). My partner was determined to be to being an engaged father. He lived 2 lives, visiting his son 3 days a week~ the woman forbid him to have the baby meet me, believing I was the cause of him missing the pregnancy milestones and the birth (I did reach out to her to invite a conversation about how we could come together to support the children, but she adamantly refused). My partner and I were trying to heal, but I just kept spiraling downward as the anguish and drama took over our lives. When I went to a healing retreat to deal with trauma in May, my partner messaged me while I was there to say he was moving out to live with his new family (the woman’s husband moved out, and divorce and custody battles are in progress). I was really stunned. I came home and bagged up his belongings, which he kept saying he would remove. Finally he came by, but told me if he had to come back for his other stuff, his new partner wanted to be there too (no way I want her in my private space ever again). Every now and then he messages me in pain and expresses sorrow, but says he did the moral thing by putting his son’s well-being over his own wishes. I sometimes feel sorry for him. For me, I am having a terribly hard time seeing a way forward. I sold my center because of the associations with him bringing his girlfriend there for massage exchange and seduction. The dreams we had, and all we created together, no longer exist. It’s been over a year of heartbreak that I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from. I feel like roadkill with a heartbeat. Is there truly hope for healing? Maybe those who have been there can offer some wisdom. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me!

[empowerme2]

Hi Hope! I am new to the forum too. Reading your post with everything you are enduring, caused me to post my first message on the site. You have been exceptionally understanding of your guy, almost too much so. This further concern for his feelings, after his cheating and lying to the point of imploding your trust and the business venture, is only going to be to your detriment. Perhaps you should expedite the removal of his personal property so that you can eliminate all contact. I would not allow the woman in your home either. You are making a sound decision there. A mutual male friend helping him move his things would be best. I do hope that you find a way to a far better future. One with love and truth. But this guy is not it.

[hope4me]

Thank you for the caring response, empower me2. Today my partner is moving out of the business where we still each have office space. I stayed home so I won’t have to see him. Your advice is wise, and at this point there is nothing else we need to sort out. I know he is not healthy for me and I am distancing myself. What’s killing me is that I’ve never had a companion that seemed so enthusiastic about sharing all of life~ we worked together, lived together, and created groups, community projects, and had lots of amazing adventures. He is missing our life, and so am I. Though I’m involved with all those things still, I feel alone in it all. I was once a very independent woman with so many interests and passions, now I feel like all the joy is sucked out of my soul. I’m going to strive for no contact going forward. I appreciate your consideration and kind guidance. Wishing you a future of love and truth as well!

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- It takes determination and commitment to heal but YOU CAN DO IT!!!

SG

[polestar]

Hi hope4me,
You have definitely been “put through the wringer”. So much excruciating pain and suffering that you have had to endure. I understand that you are still groping for emotional survival – but looking at the situation from my vantage point , which is that I can see a bit more objectively because I am not actually involved while at the same time, I can definitely empathize – anyway, what I want to convey to you, is that the whole mess is your ex’s and not yours. He did the cheating, and he is the one who has gotten his own self entangled in alot of drama. From what you wrote, he is trying to keep you engaged in what is his mess – by messaging you and other wierd excuses about getting his things etc, and having the nerve to tell you that he is missing the life you had. All of that is called ” hoovering “. You were the loving partner, and you are being wise to distance yourself because his interactions are the reason that you are not feeling like your original strong and independent self. He is creating you to have this sickness of heart. As another participant was advising – the first step is to go total No Contact. Read up about what that entails, and as you proceed with that step – you will feel stronger day by day. About all the wonderful things that you had experienced together – it is difficult to come to grips with the fact that the same person who seemed so wonderful, in actuality, is not. You mind will have a huge difficulty to sort it out – because the mind can not do it. Like a computer who is fed contradictory information. It is called cognitive dissonance. Once you go completely No Contact, read up in the psychological abuse info books and articles etc, about cognitive dissonance. It sounds like that is one of the issues which, once you get it and can recognize when your mind is doing it, you will be able to bypass that stuck energy, and you will feel a tremendous sense of freedom. In any case, you are going through the worst of it right now, and I know how you must be grieving. There are stages of grief that will occur. Elizabeth Kublar Ross has written books about these stages. In any case, once you go totally NC, you can start to get through all of this. You sound like a really special person who has much light and love – and who gives much light and love to others. All of that will sustain you, and you will definitely once again feel your unity with those who share your higher vibration.
Blessings to you.

[Donna Andersen]

Hope4me – Healing and recovery are certainly possible, but the first step is distance. Since you were still interacting of sorts with him 2 days ago, you really haven’t even had a chance to start the healing process. Now that he is gone, you must establish No Contact. Block any calls or text messages. Each one is like picking a scab – you can’t recover if you are still communicating with him.

No Contact is first – and then start processing your emotions. We have lots of information here on Lovefraud to help you.

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- polestar is correct about the grief process. It is part of recovery.

SG

[hope4me]

I am so grateful for the encouragement and wise guidance you all have offered. It has been like falling through a rabbit hole and finding myself in new terrain, one that is familiar, but now illuminated in ways that reveal so many patterns that I now can identify: hovering, love bombing, triangulation, trauma bonding, the whole idealization-devaluing-discarding progression, etc~ it is helping me understand and feel less crazy. I’m sticking to “no contact” and that is also restoring some peace. Polestar, your suggestions are so thoughtful and constructive~ clearly the voice of experience! I’ve been reading a lot, and have started therapy with an excellent trauma therapist who has given me a lot of understanding of the neurological impact of all this anguish, and yes, so much of what I am struggling with is grieving. So now the healing truly begins, and perhaps, in time, I’ll find a new dream. Sunnygirl your encouragement is uplifting~ you have the perfect name 🙂 Donna, I’m so lucky to have found you and this site~ I was walking around shell-shocked for over a year, thinking I needed to learn to love unconditionally. Now I see how I was co-creating a life of drama and heartbreak by trying too hard to be loving and understanding. No more breaking my own heart, and no more confusing trauma bonding with love. Thank you all!!!

[polestar]

Wow hope4me – you are a shooting star! What you said about ” trying too hard to be loving and understanding ” and ” no more confusing trauma bonding with love ” was so perceptive. All the steps you have taken are so great and I can definitely feel the whole shift in your energy. I’m happy too that you’ve found a good therapist, as the healing from the trauma is indeed a process and a series of realizations. I believe that through the healing process, we discover so much inner wisdom and a deeper compassion than we had access to before. I am truly rejoicing about that huge leap you took!
Blessings to you

[hope4me]

Thanks Polestar! I am coming out of a trance, determined to work with was has happened and create beauty in life from all the broken pieces! For now, I’ll be learning and healing and growing toward a new vision of life. This site, and all the support and understanding I’ve found here, inspires me to consider forming a community group in my area for those who are going through this “dark night of the soul” (that would be a future possibility. . .). There’s a quote I turn to when things feel overwhelming: “It’s not what they do to you, but what you do with what they do to you!”. Empowerment <3 It is such a gift to feel your encouragement and strength, and I will “pay it forward” once I have made some strides in this process of recovery. So much love and appreciation~ your words have made a big difference in my perspective!

[polestar]

Hi hope4me,
I really like your idea of forming a community group. Shannon Thomas wrote a book ( you can find it on Amazon ) called, ” Healing from Hidden Abuse – A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse “. She has these stages that you go through step by step that absolutely are so workable. In her book she has written about starting groups, so that could perhaps be a format for your group. Also, I was thinking about a movie that you might really enjoy ( you might have seen it ), but it is so uplifting and love healing. Its called ” The Holiday “, with Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, and Kate Winslet. It shows different facets of love, with the different characters overcoming issues in regards to relationships and their own healing. There is the tenderness of love and also the women in it are powerful and exemplify taking back our own power. Nancy Meyers who wrote it and directed it, showed such amazing insight, so you know she’s been through it!
Blessings to you.

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- Donna is right on. You need some distance before you can start the healing.

SG

[hope4me]

Hi Polestar, thanks for the recommendations! I did get the book you suggested~ excellent! It is a great guide for people, like me, who have been living with hidden abuse. In the last week I’ve stepped up my commitment to healing, and have been doing things that are good for my mind, body, and spirit~ things like meditation, dance, reading, and going out with close friends. I even have a meeting with a personal trainer tomorrow who is focused on the empowerment aspect of personal training. So far, so good! It’s been healing to share with a few close friends what I’ve been dealing with, and to allow people to care. I’ve been holding secrets for so long! Though I know it will take time, and distance, to fully recover, I do feel like the process is well underway.

The movie looks good too~ I plan to watch it this week (found it on Amazon). A friend of mine in Montreal invited me to visit so we can go to a Yoko Ono exhibit there called “Arising”. The exhibit displays the personal responses women have had to harm that they experienced in their lives because they were women, showing only their eyes and their personal story. I wonder about doing something similar for women who have suffered hidden psychological abuse. . . but I’m getting ahead of myself.

I appreciate your input, and the great resources you suggested. Sending bright blessings your way!

[polestar]

Hi hope4me,
I do hope that you are keeping a journal about all the great innovative and positive steps you are taking in your life. I’m thinking that at some point you could write a book to inspire others. It would be such a good example for others who are struggling because they would be able to see all the ways that you have initiated positive change in your life. There are many books focusing on the abuse aspect which is of utmost importance because they educate, but I do feel that inspirational books about how survivors can spread their wings to fly, is a place which is needed and that would be such a help, especially when they can identify with one who has gone through it all. That ” Arising ” exhibit sounds amazing!… and so are you!
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- the Yoko Ono exhibit sounds great!!!!

[hope4me]

Polestar and Sunnygal: I have been focusing on how to navigate this process with an eye on offering support to others, so I appreciate the validation Polestar! I’m keeping a journal and have connected with a few other women I know to create a group of mutual support/inspiration as we discover new pathways for healing and joy! I’m drawn to explore mystical practices that offer bridges to love and illumination through a “dark night of the soul”. My ex has “ghosted” me, which is I guess is great~ but he hasn’t dealt with his mail and continues to work part-time at the center I still practice at. We have no contact. It continues to be a process of disillusionment~ I keep asking myself if any of the love we shared was real. . . nevertheless, I am learning “radical acceptance” and slowly seeing a way forward.

I’m excited for the Yoko exhibit Sunnygal, and there are other events and plans lining up that I am eager to experience. Slowly creating a new vision for a beautiful life! Nights are still painful, but the grieving is part of releasing the illusions I’ve held about the relationship for the past 5 years.

So grateful to you all for the encouragement and inspiration! Blessings and Thanks <3

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- Great to hear from you and glad you are finding a way forward. The grief process takes time but you will get through it and have a better quality of life. Let us know how the Yoko Ono exhibit goes. I read she will display all submissions. Thanks for the update.

SG

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Sunnygal.

[polestar]

Hi – glad to hear that you are doing well. I was wondering ( if you would like to share ), what are kind of mystical practices you are planning to do ” that offer a bring to love and illumination through a ‘ dark night of the soul'”. That sounds very interesting. As far as you ex ” ghosting you “, that is a stage in the hidden abuse that he has perpetuated on you called ” discard “. Without dwelling on it, you could probably recall many examples that he did in the devaluation stage. The devaluation was probably hidden from your awareness before the cheating even happened. You probably were not aware of it because you already had high self esteem, and a positive outlook on life – yet the devaluation does take it’s toll – drip drip drip – like Chinese water torture. So that is why when they do the discard thing, it feels worse because your emotional immune system has been under stress and weakened. These people resent especially someone like you, who is a real dynamo with a brilliant life, and I know it is hard to realize, but on some level, they have the intention to diminish your brightness. But never mind his ghosting – you’ve already gone No Contact ! Your No Contact has nothing to do with his behaviors or attitude – it is a step for your own self empowerment. Don’t be surprised – actually be forewarned – that at some point he will most probably start to hoover. Especially when he sees and feels that you have gone your own way. So you’ll need to stick to ” your guns”. He may use his mail as a way to communicate with you and get a response. So try to figure a way to deal with his mail before he comes asking for it and before he tries to make arrangements with you to get it – and thereby try to break your No Contact ( I know you can figure out something , but some ideas: maybe take the whole bunch of it to the post office and say, ” no longer at this address ” and then they will forward it to where he is now living – or give his mail to someone at the center to give to him ). I’m very glad that you have a good support system with friends and that you have a bunch of fun stuff scheduled. As I said, you are a shooting star!
Blessings to you

[hope4me]

Hello friends, I’m happy to share about the experience of “the dark night of the soul”~ it is something common to the mystical path in various religious and spiritual traditions. When we are dispirited by circumstances that feel annihilating, we may lose our ground and no longer feel connected to our sense of self in relationship to God/spirit/faith. This “dark night” is like the cocoon stage of the caterpillar, where all that remains is mush. It is a death of sorts, as who we were and our beliefs/faith have been shattered. The process of emergence from that state may be supported by practices that bring us to union with universal love. We track inspiration that moves us toward light and love. The practices that I draw on include meditation, ecstatic dance (I dance with a group every Friday on the streets of our city to end “stranger hood in the neighborhood”~ so fun!), and ecstatic poetry. Poems by Rumi, Hafiz, and Kabir are powerfully transformative, illuminating the deeper gift in our suffering. Here are a few examples:

[hope4me]

Light will someday split you open even if your life is now a cage. Little by little, you will turn into stars. Little by little, you will turn into the whole sweet, amorous universe. Hafiz

The grapes of my body can only become wine
After the winemaker tramples me.
I surrender my spirit like grapes to his trampling
So my inmost heart can blaze and dance with joy.
Although the grapes go on weeping blood and sobbing
“I cannot bear any more anguish, any more cruelty”
The trampler stuffs cotton in his ears: “I am not working in ignorance
You can deny me if you want, you have every excuse,
But it is I who am the Master of this Work.
And when through my Passion you reach Perfection,
You will never be done praising my name.” ~Rumi

“I am this body, a play of 5 elements, a drama of the spirit dancing with Joy and Sorrow.” ~KABIR

[hope4me]

I read these poets often, especially when I feel dispirited. They offer a wider lens to consider the major changes I am undergoing. I also just registered for a spiritual retreat for a weekend of mystical practices and poetry~ perfect for a “ripe grape”!

Much love and appreciation to you for lighting the way, and sharing your wisdom with those of us who follow in the footsteps you have left us. It has been tremendously helpful!

In-Joy!

[polestar]

Dear hope4me,
Thank you for sharing the poetry that has touched your heart – it has touched mine as well! and thank you for answering my request about your method of dealing with the dark night of the soul. You explained it so understandably. And your street dancing is inspiring to hear about. Thank you! I do hope that you will consider watching that movie I suggested a while back called ” The Holiday “. The reason that I bring it up again, is that it seems to be such a good match for what you went through with your ex. Though the women in the movie depicted different ways to get back to their soul than what you are doing, essentially ( as the writer mentioned ) underlying the outward circumstances, it is meaningful in that they get the pieces of their soul back to wholeness. I think it would be so uplifting for you to see them in their victory and to see the joy that flourishes from it. It’s funny too! However, I can definitely understand if you choose to use your time devoted to all the wonderful things that you are already doing! No prob or need to explain. In any case, It makes me happy to know that you are here on Earth.
Blessings to you

[hope4me]

Hi Polestar, I’ve watched the movie maybe 5 times after renting it from Amazon last week. I had some “technical difficulties” and couldn’t watch it without interruption until yesterday. Kate Winslet’s character really reflected a lot of my own patterns of accepting the unacceptable~ then wishing for more! I cried a lot through it but also enjoyed the hopeful outcome. Very sweet!

As always, I feel such appreciation for your care and guidance. You have such a generous spirit and beautiful heart!

[polestar]

Hi hopeforme2,
I’m soooo excited that you watched the movie! I thought it would be empowering for you. I loved the part when Kate was finally able to stand up to him, to confront him about not treating her right and then kicking him out the door! And I can see why you would identify with Winslet’s character – you saw about what she needed to overcome (which she did beautifully), and I also see that you share in the character’s traits because she is such a warm and caring person. And so are you.
Blessings

[polestar]

Hopeforme2 – PS
That was so perceptive of you to be able to focus in and articulate ” accepting the unacceptable “.

[Sunnygal]

hope4me and polestar- I looked up The Holiday. Looks like a good movie with female writer-director Nancy Meyers. Another good movie by a female writer-director is The Piano by Jane Campion.

[polestar]

Oh Sunnygal – I really hope that you watch ” The Holiday ” : I think you will find it really entertaining and at the same time, it is so love healing and brings a kind of wisdom about relationships, I think. I saw the Piano long ago. I’ll watch it again with new eyes now, and I’m sure I’ll see alot I wasn’t aware of before. Thanks for the idea!
Blessings

[polestar]

I watched the movie, ” The Piano ” – what an intense experience! The cinematography was exquisite, and the soundtrack magnificent ( I purchased the soundtrack ), the scenery with the forest and the forest sounds interspersed with silence and then the piano playing was so beautiful.I went through the whole spectrum of emotions that is possible, so that I just couldn’t even watch it all in one sitting. There is an incredible depth to this movie. Great recommendation from Sunnygal!

[hope4me]

Sunnygal and Polestar, love the movie recommendations! The Holiday is really entertaining, and depicts the pain of being in relationships with selfish, manipulative people. I rented it from Amazon and watched it a few times before it was returned~ I very much related to the Kate Winslet character. It’s been years since I’ve seen the Piano~ I’ll have to see it again soon.

Sending love and appreciation to both of you!

[Sunnygal]

polestar and hope4me- yes, the Piano is very intense. I also like writer Nora Ephron who wtote ‘When Harry Met Sally’ and ‘Heartburn’ about her divorce. She uses humor alot which I like.

SG

[Sunnygal]

polestar and hope4me- Just wanted to say hi. Hope you are having a good day.

SG

[hope4me]

Hi Sunnygal and Polestar~ Hope you both are leaning into a new, beautiful path with heart. I’ve been thinking about how to approach this new future, and I’m thinking of it as a re-incarnation rather than a recovery. So I am doing things to care for this body I have been given for this part of the journey, as if it were new (dancing, weight-training, healthy food, etc). I care for my mind as if it were refreshed~ reading books that challenge and elevate my mind, listening to inspiring podcasts, writing out my reflections and thoughts. I am caring for my heart by listening deeply to my feelings, spending time with loving friends, doing social things that have meaning and bring joy. For my spiritual renewal, I read poetry every day, do some form of meditation, and take nice walks in nature. This might sound a little “out there” but I’m consciously creating a sort of avatar of myself~ dressing and bringing intention to the way I appear~ reflecting my vision of a strong, creative, mysterious, poised spirit. So those are a few thoughts I wanted to share with you two lovely beings, with blessings from my heart to yours <3

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- It all sounds good. Being with friends releases oxytoxin. There is a great ted talk by dr. Zak. I posted it on the blog section.

SG

[polestar]

Hi hope4me,
Thank you for your wonderful posts – they are so inspiring! You know, nothing ever stays the same, we are always progressing one way or the other. And I mean that literally – there is no end to degrading into deeper and deeper negativity and gloom, or if we choose the light, there is also no end to the joy, peace and love that is ever new. You have obviously chosen the path of light. It matters little if residue is clinging from past wrongs and hurts, because as you move forward with all that you are doing, one day you will wake up and realize that the negativity which actually came from someone else’s problems has simply disappeared. I think it is wise what you said about reincarnation rather than recovery. You will discover a you that is more beautiful than you have ever realized before. The connection to one’s inner beauty is such an extraordinary feeling that is so precious, we really learn to cherish it and yes, guard it too.
Blessings to you.

[Sunnygal]

hope4me and polestar- Good to see your posts.

SG

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Sunnygal.

[hope4me]

“The connection to one’s inner beauty is such an extraordinary feeling that is so precious, we really learn to cherish it and yes, guard it too.” BOOM!!! Beautiful, Polestar! Today a friend tagged my in a post of a youtube video~ Frazey Ford singing “I’m Done”. Couldn’t wait to share it with you strong, beautiful women!

“I used to think I hold the best parts of me,
but sew the holes in your life and the cracks in your seams, and I’m done oh whoa, I’m done.” and “My joy, my joy takes nothing from you”

Give a listen, and feel the blessing of being DONE! Hope the sun is shining on you wherever this finds you <3

[polestar]

hopeforme2 –
ow wow, oh wow ! Amazing YouTube ! I LOVED it!!!! The song was so good, the women so beautiful, and her voice was able to get straight to my heart. This was a perfect mix between tenderness and strength and freedom. Thank you for sharing it!
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- Thanks for the video. It is great. I like your idea of re-incarnation instead of recoery. That would make a good topic.

SG

[hope4me]

So glad you “felt” the video~ I’ve replayed it a bunch of times, like a mantra for my spirit: I”M DONE!

Sunnygal, maybe I’ll write on the topic of re-incarnation vs recovery. I’ve been sharing some of these ideas with others who have been psychologically abused. Thanks for the encouragement (as always!).

Grateful for all the encouragement, and for the wisdom and friendship from you both! Have a great weekend!

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- You could start a topic here.

I saw a quote by Colette on her mother’s grief after her father died. Grief is a part of life.

SG

[Sunnygal]

hope4me and polestar- Another good film about evil written by a woman Pamela Wallace is Witness about an Amish boy who witnesses a crime.

SG

[Sunnygal]

Still adore the little boy.

SG

[polestar]

Hi SG,
Thanks for the recommendation. I rented it on i tunes, and look forward to watching it. I love Harrison Ford!
Blessings to you.

[Sunnygal]

Polestar- How did you like the movie?

SG

[polestar]

Hi SG –
Thanks for asking! If anyone else is maybe reading this, I’m writing about the movie called ” Witness ” – Here’s my take, just off the top of my head in no particular order of importance: I liked the relationship between the two men who were both in love with the mother. There was a mild competition, but mainly an understanding between them that I admired. It seemed that they both had respect for each other and the differences in their life style which caused them to have a different world view and way of behaving in the world. I loved the little boy and the innocence that he portrayed both in his character and in his beautiful countenance. At the same time he showed so much courage and I liked the way he was able to talk to his grandfather and declaring what he thought and how he saw things not in a rebellious manner but very intelligently. The Amish system of ” shunning ” was brought up in the movie and that is something very pertinent to what we see in psychological abuse. The restriction of a person’s freedom by threats and cruelty was contrasted so well next to that beautiful and loving scene with Harrison Ford and the mother dancing with joy in the barn. I liked how the mother did stand up to the threat of the ” shunning ” from her father in law ( though he himself was actually afraid of the system for both of them ). All in all, I think the movie brought up feelings of courage when one faced with corruption and a profound example to stand up to those who try to intimidate. There were many more examples of that too. So thank you for recommending the movie. I really think it is a good one for those who are going through getting freed from abusive situations both psychologically and in their life situations. Thanks so much!
Blessings to you

[Sunnygal]

polestar- What hits me is the police officer who is supposed to be protecting the public, betraying the public. This is a horrific betrayal. IMO.

SG

[polestar]

SG – absolutely! Betrayal is the aspect of abuse that I think strikes such a chord with survivors. Can’t get lower than that.
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

polestar- Watched Witness again. That little boy is adorable.

SG

[polestar]

Hi SG –
Agreed !
I think that one of the difficult parts of dealing with abuse issues is that those behaviors from character disordered people can be so atrocious that somehow the mind ends up on focusing on them. As you know, we need to pull ourselves away and try to focus on the beautiful. So the beauty and purity of that little boy is so healing and brings real relief while watching that movie.
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

polestar- A romantic comedy you might like is French Kiss.

SG

[polestar]

Hi SG –
Ohhh yeahhhh – I remember that movie but only vaguely because I saw it so long ago. Thank you for the suggestion. At some point I’ll check it out and will be able to enjoy it anew!
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

polestar- The female lead played by Meg Ryan is a feisty and likeable gal IMO. See what you think when you have time to watch it.

SG

[polestar]

SG –
OK – Thanks so much !
Blessings to you

[polestar]

Hi SG –
I looked for the French Kiss movie on itunes and also on Amazon but it is not available on itunes nor available for Amazon streaming. Soooooo …. have any other suggestions for a good movie? I like psychological ones. Have you watched ” The Holiday ” ? I recommended it quite a while ago to hopeforme and mentioned ( If I recall correctly ) that you might like it too. Anyway, I think it is so great because it brings up significant issues of relationship abuse and lost love, and shows how the women ( and men ) arise, overcome and find love and joy in their lives again. I found Nancy Meyers who wrote it to have incredible understanding – plus the leads are amazing !
blessings

[Sunnygal]

olestar- I’ve seen the French Kiss trailers on utube. They give a summary of the movie. I haven’t seen The Holiday yet but will soon.

SG

[Sunnygal]

olesrae- I did see The Holiday. t is very good.

SG

[polestar]

Hi SG –
Glad you liked The Holiday – somehow that movie has been a help to me many times. But anyway, Guess What !!! – I ordered French Kiss at the library and it will arrive at my branch soon! I am looking forward to watching it. Thanks again for your suggestion.
Blessings

[polestar]

Hi SG –
I saw “ French Kiss “ and I enjoyed it so much! Meg Ryan and Kevin Klein were wonderful. I didn’t realize until now what a talented actress Meg Ryan really is …. and so funny too. The movie essentially was a love story and it really was heart filling. It was interesting because there was definitely a contrast shown between appearances vs. reality. There was much to learn there too. In a way, the movie was a “ double edged sword “ – it could be extremely healing if a person has completed a lot of healing already and then it helps further the process ….. but if the person seeing the movie is a young innocent and not yet able to discern issues beneath the surface, then they might get the wrong message that it’s OK to ignore red flags because under those warning signs there is really a prince to be discovered. But anyway, what was touching was the selfless love that was demonstrated by the characters of Meg Ryan and Kevin Klein. Here’s a good quote from the movie : “ He tells you he has met this woman ( this goddess ), breaks your heart, he humiliates you – so you come here to Paris so he can do it again – but this time, right in your face ? “
Anyway, thanks again for the recommendation. Ohhhhh – that Kevin Klein !!!
Blessings.

[Sunnygal]

polesat- What I liked is she didn’t get depressed by the betrayal but kept going and met someone else. I thought the hotel worker who always gave an emphatic NO!! was funny. Also interesting there are 452 registered government cheeses in France.

SG

[polestar]

SG –
Yes, I was contemplating her character also. And I was also thinking about how she used her determination to not allow herself to be victimized by her fiancée’s betrayal. In the end, she was able to stand up to him and get her self respect back from the humiliation that could have gotten her down ( as you noted ). Though, as we know, in the case of dealing with an actual character disordered person ( which I could not ascertain if he was one or not from the script ), it would be best not to pursue, but to go No Contact. Yet someone could gain a lot by seeing Kate’s attitude and emulating that inwardly. Also, I was contemplating Luke’s support of her. In that book that you were posting about – The Five Step Exit Plan – she talks about “ The Constant “. So in a way, Kate had Luke to be there for her ( more and more as the movie progressed ). There could be an inner learning in that as well. Yea – that hotel worker ! I liked how Kate nailed his attitude. I’ve been looking up movie’s that Kevin Klein has been in – wow – I didn’t realize the extent and variety of his movies. What an incredible talent!
Thanks for your insights – plus I’ve been enjoying and learning from your quote posts.
Blessings

[polestar]

Hi SG –
Oh, I know ( about the little boy ). I’m going to rent the movie again just to be able to see him, because he touched my heart so. I wanted to tell you how wonderful it has been to know you here at Love Fraud. You are truly a dear one here on our Earth and I have appreciated your support for me and for many, many others so much. I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving !
Blessings to you.

[Sunnygal]

polestar- Another interesting movie is the French film Amelie. It ix about a waitress who uses gaslighting on a friend’s mean boss.

[polestar]

Hi SG –
Oh ! great ! I’ll definitely check that out. I do need to learn more about the gas lighting concept, so it will be helpful to see it dramatized. Thanks so much.
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

polestar- Actually, it is about a shy waitress who decides to change the lives of those around her for the better while dealing with her own issues. She does gaslight but it is a small part. I think it is a delightful film.

SG

[polestar]

Hi SG –
Oh, interesting.
Thanks for the explanation.
Blessings always for you.

[Sunnygal]

polestar- Yahoo has a list of films for Christmas and it lists The Holiday. It is an uplifting film.

SG

[polestar]

Hi SG –
Ohhh – ‘ The Holiday ‘ ! One of my very favorite movies of all time ! I think you were referring to it maybe because we had been “ discussing “ it way earlier on this post thread. Thanks for pointing out that it is on the Yahoo list. It is perfect for this season !
Blessings to you

[Sunnygal]

hope4me- Hope you are doing well.

SG

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