People that were w a Path-did your BFF's think everythng was Great?

[HeartbrokenSister]

So my younger sister, who my older sister and I love so dearly and have been soooo very close with us our entire life (we’re now, 48, 50 & 51) is dating a path(etic)- February was 3 years of hell for us so far……as our sister has battled breast cancer during this….yes, of course, he was there for her to get her to think we were not.

Anyways, lately my other sister and I seem to be getting more frustrated with our sister’s BFF’s because they ALL know what close sisters we have always been and they know we ARE a good family and would NEVER want to hurt our sister.

So, I was wondering did the people on this forum that were with a path ALWAYS act like everything was perfect to your Bff’s so that they thought you were so happy with him & couldn’t believe your family thought differently?

I have tried to reach out to a couple of her friends – they immediately told her and thought we should be happy for her because she is the happiest she has ever been & he treats her so good (of course-wouldn’t you if you have ZERO friends and ZERO money to go anywhere??). I don’t even know if they know she has refinanced her PAID OFF house to put over $100K into his stupid business and I have heard she has signed (because he has terrible credit of course) for close to $100K in credit card debt & thousands of dollars for cars for his business, that he has also put her name on….so far…..my sister didn’t owe a dime before he came around and always wanted to retire young. She was getting herself all set up to retire early – yes, she makes a good living and has no kids. She loved and I am sure still does love our kids and was once very close with them as well…..she rarely sees them now.

Her friends will say, “She is happy – that is her money (which they are 100\% correct) and she wants and needs him, especially during her cancer. Well we want and needed to be there for her during her cancer too, but he didn’t allow it.

So back to my originally thing here (so sorry I babble too much, but want to be sure you get the gist of my story because I am so sad for not having my sister in my life like I used to & I have just had some bad/sad days lately) when your family tried to tell your BFF’s (if they even did)that they know you are not really happy because there is no way you would not have a relationship with your sisters & other family members that you ALWAYS did (we talked 5-10 times every day of our lives) and that they knew better because your family actually does know the truth, they turned against your family as well thinking your family is a terrible family?

I mean we have to almost laugh that we have heard of some of these BFF’s telling people what terrible sisters she has??? This is like putting a knife in our hearts.

Just wondering if anyone has anything to help me on this?? I have stayed quiet and not said a word to my sister or anyone in a long time, but my hurt is still here and my heart is actually bleeding at this point??

I am trusting God will bring her back into our life before her cancer could come back again!!!!

Thanks for listening!!

[Synergy]

Just want to say I’m feeling real bad that you’re having this horrible man invading our lives. One possibility might be for you two sisters who are wanting to free your other sister from him, would be able to call a women’s crisis line, and ask for advice/help. They would most likely have some ideas/tools, and hopefully even a support group for family members.

At this point, I can only tell you that this is a common effort of the sociopath. Maybe this will validate that you and your sister are by no means the only ones who have had or have this experience. I wish I could offer you tools to solve the problem — hope someone on the forum can do so….quite likely they will. Maybe I’ll think if something later.

You wrote: “Her friends will say, “She is happy – .. and she wants and needs him, especially during her cancer.”

I think a lot of sociopaths pull this stunt – they talk wonderful about their partner outside the home, then abuse her behind closed doors. I’ve experienced this at least twice. They want everyone to love the guy, and that’s another tactic to put her friends and family on his side, and against her, and think she is imagining things or blaming him when he’s he’s the one who is taking care of her. He gets her most deep feelings and issues, and turns them against her.

There is a troubling movie about this tactic — it’s called “Mister Wrong,” with Ellen DeGeneres. She is her usual comedic self but it’s tragic.

[HeartbrokenSister]

Dear Synergy,

Thank you so much for the kind words. I have reached out to a shelter place however they said they are just there for the actual victim. I’m sure there are more places I can try to reach out to though. I have put it in God’s hands right now, praying he will wake her up soon. I’ll definitely try to find the movie to watch. So weird, I never even said the word or really knew what a sociopath (path) was until this jerk came into our lives….now I’ve learned so much that I think there should be so much more out there for people to learn before they get taken from one.

And now I hear from our dad (he’s the middle man, poor thing) my sister is having difficulties with her implants, having to go into an oxygen tank 5 days a week, so I just wish so bad I could be there to help her, but he has her thinking I’m a bully and terrible sister & she hates me and doesn’t want me around. I’m 100\% positive she’s not thinking straight….there’s no way she wouldn’t want us sisters around!! It’s just awful!!!

Thanks again for your comment!!

[Synergy]

Dear HeartbrokenSister, That’s a real bummer that the women’s crisis line won’t help. I’d think they would have info on where family and friends could turn. There are apparently local groups for family and friends of abusers. Do a google search for support for family and friends of abusers. There are lots of links there!!! Lots!

Here’s info about the The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Help for Friends and Family “Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel … Remember that you can call the hotline to find local support groups and …”

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