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On May 1st my now ex-girlfriend blocked me on all social media and her phone number. This was after I had had enough of her lies,manipulation and overall verbal ,psychological and sometimes physical abuse. It has been almost 2 months and I am still utterly heartbroken and find myself missing her tremendously. I had no idea she was what she was until this. I have done research,listened to audiobooks and have talked to a therapist. All of which has helped a great deal, but I find myself backsliding and even wondering if she is really a narcissist. I met her while living in Hawaii,moved to North Carolina to be with her. Ours was a whirlwind romance in paradise,but she was not the same person in North Carolina as she was in Hawaii. Her rage was unlike anything I had ever seen,the lies were constant. But I loved her so much I took it all from her and believed everything she said. We moved very fast, she wanted me to live with her and her 18 and 13 year old son. I did, I called it the house of horrors. She would be affectionate and loving in cycles, usually 10 days…then cold as ice. Picking fights or blowing up at the tiniest things I would say or do. When I would say or hintthat this wasnt t working out…we would wind up in bed for hours, and then things were great for a period of time…until the next rage session. Our weekends were amazing, road trips, BnBs, hotels,sightseeing etc. Our sex life was utterly mind boggling, the best dex I have ever had in my life. But, I walked around all the time with knots in my stomach,always feeling like something bad was going to happen. I always felt that everything having to do with her was wrong. I left her 5 times total, 4 times she begged me to come back. I did, the 5th was when she blocked me on everything. I am so confused, I just want to be done with this relentless heartache,to stop missing her,stop crying over her. We are in 2 different states. She is in North Carolina and I am in Wisconsin. I am overwhelmed thinking I was the one who made the mistake leaving her, I just don’t know anymore. Weekends are the worst. I am new to the town I am in, don’t know anyone and when not working constantly thinking about and missing her.PLEASE HELP
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Styler, you have done the right thing by leaving for good. And for finding this site which has helped so many. Know that! And it is so very hard in the beginning to ‘get over’ the one you felt was “it” for you. I highly recommend you do a search on “Oxytoxin, trust and why we fall for psychopaths” and read the original article and subsequent posts. It helped me understand the sexual addiction that leads to the loneliness and sadness you are feeling. I was having a hard time NOT thinking about all the great sex I had with my SP, thinking it was love. It wasn’t love for him, it was manipulation. A hard pill to swallow but an important one to understand on the way to your recovery. Hang in there, read, educate, do all the things you are doing. In time you will come to realize that her blocking you was the best thing she ever did for you. Donna has lots to offer on this site. I wish you peace, clarity, and strength!
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styler – I echo everything shescomeundone says. You did the right thing. She will never be the partner that you want and deserve. In fact, the longer you say, the worse she will treat you.
What you are feeling is addiction, not love. We have many articles on Lovefraud about this phenomenon – type “addicted to a sociopath” in the Google search box above and they’ll start coming up.
The key now is No Contact. The longer you are away from her, the more your head will start to clear. But if you make contact with her, you’ll be back in the web again.
I also have a webinar called “Why it’s so hard to get over loving a sociopath and how you can recover.” You might want to check it out under “courses.”
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you will be better off.
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How are you doing styler? I clearly remember crying on the weekends because of loneliness, for longer than i care to admit. Try to occupy your mind to help stop the obsessive thoughts of her. Anything like puzzles, video games, exercise, reading, whatever new thing may interest you. Treat yourself to a new restaurant every Saturday or make some new recipe if you dont like to eat out alone. Find something to look forward to. Don’t second guess yourself. Trust your instincts… the ones that told you to leave in the first place. The good memories are of you and the FANTACY you wanted her to be. The bad memories are of you and who she REALLY is.
YOU CAN DO THIS! -
you will be much better off.
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