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Hi All,
I’m separated from my psychopathic husband. What’s unbelievable to me is how rapidly he moved on and immediately moved into his new lover’s home. His social media (and his new partner’s) has been saturated with gushy and romantic pictures of the two of them together – I no longer look for my own well-being.
After I asked for a divorce, I was horrified to discover he had been leading a double life and had been ruthlessly cheating throughout our almost relationship.
What I’m struggling to wrap my head around is the fact that he’s presenting an image of exclusivity with his new partner. What’s confusing is why would a serial cheating psychopath be posting all over social media about their new relationship? Wouldn’t this possibly limit the amount of people they could cheat with if they are presenting an image of being exclusive with one person? Wouldn’t it be reasonable to assume that if they’re love bombing the new target, they could potentially be exposed by one of the people they have been cheating with or other potential future targets to cheat with? If so, are they really that skilled at keeping their double life / cheating hidden from their new partner, when the psychopath has a readily accessible social media accounts?
If anyone has experience with this or can shed some light on this topic, it would really be appreciated.
Thank you.
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He wants you to see his social media. That outweighs the risk of being exposed (or there was simply no long term thinking put into the decision to be visible on social media).
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My guess is that now that he can no longer control you he is “punishing” you by flaunting his love life, knowing that will upset you. It’s just another game. He feels nothing for this newest conquest – she is just a stepping stone to get back at you. I pity her. You are wise in blocking access to his social media. Don’t look – that just plays into his evil game. Interestingly, the first glimmer of a hint I got that my ex was cheating was when he demanded I take all mention of him from my Facebook page. He said an old enemy had found him through me (now that I think of that – huh – how??) In reality he was afraid his newest victim would look him up, follow his “friends” and see him mentioned in my “in a Relationship” section!
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I agree with bikahbe in that he wanted you to see it which is why it’s so important to block him. I know it’s tempting to look. I still fight the urge to unblock my ex and look. My hunch is that when he gets enough of the new one and he knows you have seen it that he will take all of it down so he’s not exposed. And if he is exposed then he just moves on to new people. You will NEVER understand why he does what he does because it’s not in your nature to be evil. It doesn’t make sense and it never will. It’s devastating.
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Him blocking you was a power move. He still wants you to see the pics – and he knows you will (because he’s still social media friends with a couple of family members and one good friend).
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Oh absolutely! He desperately wants you to reach out. I went no contact with my divorce too. It’s not easy, but it’s the wisest course of action. The less attention he gets from you, the more it hurts him.
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You’re so welcome. Good luck! Stay strong.
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Yes they are sadistic and will flaunt their new relationship to hurt you.
I did not look at social media to protect myself but my ex used to text me pictures of the fun dates he was going on with his new target. Simply just to hurt me because he enjoys that.
A second reason is their image to the world. They are very narcissistic so it is important to them to flaunt their new love and new happiness (fake obviously) to the world to show off how AMAZING their life is. It’s a fake image to impress other people.
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@LoveDefrauded As long as you are ‘good supply’ or the sociopath feels the need for a hit of supply from someone (anyone really if he or she is desperate enough), you will be subjected to this sort of treatment.
And he/she will be totally fine reaching out to people you both know (your family, any mutual friends or acquaintances, neighbors, your coworkers, bosses or clients) to try to pique your interest and/or get an emotional reaction from you, those emotional reactions especially are the essence of ‘good supply’
So blocking the sociopath in as many ways as possible (not just social media) is key. You may also have to have uncomfortable conversations with family, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, coworkers etc to let them know
1) you don’t want to see or hear what the sociopath is up to at all
2) if they don’t take this seriously you might have to cut off or minimize contact with them as well &
3) if they feel the need to pass this info along, send it to your divorce attorney but not you (who knows it might improve your divorce settlement if your attorney notices something you don’t)The disordered guy I dealt with still occasionally hang up calls me (this morning was the first time in over a month, of late I think pandemic has him low on supply so my phone rings because he can’t handle not being attended to) because he’s blocked in every other way. I honestly do not care what he does & haven’t for multiple years. He’s also a ‘multiple secret life leader’ & I guarantee you he’s got multiple women / loves in various stages of cultivation / development just like your husband probably had this woman / love on his line for much longer than you realized.
One of the Achilles heels of a sociopath is his/her impulsivity, the very opposite of rational thought. If you don’t understand the hows & whys of your husband’s social media behaviors, no worries because *neither does he*. These people are hardly good at long term planning or rational behavior. The most rational behavior is once married or in a committed relationship not to cheat in the 1st place, but the 2nd most rational behavior is not to leave a trail of evidence of the cheating which clearly he has. Let someone emotionally detached from all this see what he’s up to (like your divorce lawyer) in case it can be effectively be used against your sociopathic husband (“don’t get mad, get everything you can in court” is a good strategy).
The good times with the new person won’t last (there are likely other victims already lined up & being exploited already) & frankly when you learn to weaponize the sociopath’s worst traits against them, you recover sooner.
I’m sure you’re feeling hurt but good for you with keeping up ‘no contact’ & let your attorney do a lot of the dirty work for you (that’s what you pay a divorce/family lawyer for) while you get free & get on with a better life for yourself.
Hope this helped.
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Yes I agree 100% with nosp to let your divorce lawyer handle everything. You need someone who is emotionally detached and who can work in only your best interest to get the best divorce results possible.
I did not do this and it is my biggest regret from my experience with a sociopath. At the time I was terrified of my ex and I was also still loyal to him (from trauma bonding) so I tried to manage my divorce myself while telling my lawyer I wanted to keep everything amicable and that I did not want a war in court.
Well that amicable compromising cooperative approach works wonderful if you are dealing with a good person with moral integrity and empathy. But with a sociopath the nice approach does not work AT ALL because he will just steamroll all over you and take everything.
I wish I could go back in time and get an aggressive divorce lawyer and tell him to try to get everything he can for me. It would have been a war but at least I’d have a chance at a fair treatment from court. Because trying to work toward a fair treatment from the sociopath simply does not work at all.
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