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Hi there – I am seeking advice please. I have an upcoming birthday and expect my ex sociopath’s mother to reach out to me (via email) in the coming weeks. I actually like her and the family; so had a hard time “breaking up with them” if you will although realized it was necessary given the ex. My question is mainly: how to respond? Do I just say thank you and not mention my ex? Or do I respond and tell her all the things I have since found out about in terms of lies and deceit? A part of me honestly feels torn out of pride. I know whatever I do will get back to my ex. So a prideful part of me wants to reveal all the lies/deceit/cheating that have since been uncovered. To show that I have since found out and he is not as sleek as he thinks. Yet another part of me wonders if it’s better to just let sleeping dogs lie and let him think I am ignorant of it all. Thank you for any thoughts.
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emme8,
Here’s what to think about when deciding to out him. Do you want to re-engage in the abuse game? Because, you have no confirmation or certainty what he will do when he finds out what you have said. Will the few minutes of conversation be worth it?
After so many years of recovery I look at these ‘opportunities’ as not being worth it. What seems way more important to me at this point is the amount of distance between me and ‘it’ (the person, the relationship, the game, the abuse, lies, and manipulation). The distance has given me peace, security, and growth.
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What do you hope to accomplish? What is your ultimate goal? If you want to get even, you will likely be disappointed. If you want to alienate his family, you may accomplish that.
Your pride will not be soothed by telling his mother anything. Your pride will never be anything but injured by contact, outreach, or games with a sociopath.
You can always get revenge by moving on and living well.
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