• Menu
  • Skip to right header navigation
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Lovefraud | Escape sociopaths – narcissists in relationships

How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

  • Search
  • Cart
  • My Account
  • Contact
  • Register
  • Log in
  • Search
  • Cart
  • My Account
  • Contact
  • Register
  • Log in
  • About
  • Talk to Donna
  • Videos
  • Store
  • Blog
  • Forum
  • News
  • Podcasts
  • Webinars
  • About
  • Talk to Donna
  • Videos
  • Store
  • Blog
  • Forum
  • News
  • Podcasts
  • Webinars

Self doubt

You are here: Home / Topics / Self doubt

How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths as partners › Self doubt

  • This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 4 months ago by Sunnygal.
Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • January 30, 2020 at 11:23 pm #55952
      melannie
      Participant

      I like to think that after years of being abused and trying to have boundaries and self love to get away. It all becomes a blur at the many attempts to escape why I would end up feeling cognitive conflict loving him seeing his pain and feeling pity and believing he wanted me to be his mate for life through thick and thin. Then right when I was believing the illusion a new form of rejection or abuse. Until I felt I was nothing without him. Recently I knew I needed out but still hanging on to the dream of illusion I just distracted myself and became distant. Then he got very ill and refused help but I was genuinely concerned so I took him some food and medicine and he said he didn’t want to get me sick so I needed to leave. I trusted he had my best interest because he looked horrible. Might also be because he is a heavy drinker who drinks a half gallon to a gallon of hard liquor a day who thinks that asking for help is weakness but I believe he was trying to stop drinking but feels horrible. Two days later he asked me to come stay with him and I said that I couldn’t get sick. He immediately rejected me and became irritable and would not respond to me for the following two days. I then asked him for all my things back and the next day he dropped my things off and just gazed at me with sadness. I didn’t reach out and two days later he contacted me late accusing me of cheating on him and insisted I come out in a indirect way with attacking me and bringing up my past trauma and accusing me of being evil lier and sexual deviant.
      I reacted with telling him that I couldn’t tolerate his abuse or his alcoholism and anger. I told him he was the one who cheated and then lied for months. That I was done and blocking him. After a day I unblocked him and sent him a message that if he treated me with kindness and showed support and acceptance then I would forget the pain caused by the past abuse and move on to show him respect and defend him and his reputation to anyone who ever doubted his honor or good will.
      I did this out of guilt for my reaction also kinda gives him a chance to make it better but I know he can’t. Why do I still want to believe the good in him and questioning if he really is horrible or if it is me that brings it out.i have to believe that I have control but after 5 years I can’t get away he is never finished with me. My friends and both of our family members say that I am the only one he wants. How can I be sure of anything? Is it over for good? Is he going to come back? What can I do to stop obsessing about the situation and trust myself.

    • January 31, 2020 at 7:28 pm #55953
      Sunnygal
      Participant

      melannie- Amber Ault’s book The 5 Step Exit talks about deciding to stay or leave. You might read it.

      SG

    • February 2, 2020 at 5:25 pm #55966
      polestar
      Participant

      Hi Melanie – I totally agree with sunnygal – Amber Ault’s book called “ The Five Step Exit “ completely explains everything that you are going through. She will validate your feelings and you will be educated about the toxic relationship you are in and how to extricate yourself from it. It is a small book but very pertinent and usable. Not expensive on Amazon. You sound like an extremely compassionate person, and in my opinion, now is the time for you to direct your kindness and love towards making the environment of your life one that supports your joy.
      Blessings

    • February 4, 2020 at 9:39 am #55991
      Donna Andersen
      Keymaster

      Melanie – what you are experiencing is a trauma bond. Believe it or not, it is a natural reaction to abuse. You feel fear and anxiety, which makes the psychological bond that you feel to him stronger. This is why it is difficult to get away.

      He will never change. He will continue to abuse you and play games with you. I recommend that you choose yourself, and decide that you are finished with him. Then go No Contact. The longer you stay away, the more his grip on you will unravel.

    • February 4, 2020 at 10:01 pm #55998
      Sunnygal
      Participant

      Melannie- You said he is an alcoholic. Some alcoholics do get sober and change but not if they are enabled. This guy is enabled.

      SG

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Log In

Primary Sidebar

Shortcuts to Lovefraud information

Shortcuts to the Lovefraud information you're looking for:

Explaining everyday sociopaths

Is your partner a sociopath?

How to leave or divorce a sociopath

Recovery from a sociopath

Senior Sociopaths

Love Fraud - Donna Andersen's story

Share your story and help change the world

Lovefraud Blog Recent Comments

  • recovery46 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again: “Bernice—it’s 2025 and my experience with the spath was EXACTLY the same! I kept rereading bc all the details were…”
  • sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind: “This is what I actually struggle with most now that I am a decade out of divorce. I did not…”
  • Donna Andersen on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “Good point! Thank you”
  • sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
  • eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws  : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”

Lovefraud Blog categories

  • Explaining sociopaths
    • Female sociopaths
    • Scientific research
    • Workplace sociopaths
    • Book reviews
  • Seduced by a sociopath
    • Targeted Teens and 20s
  • Sociopaths and family
    • Law and court
  • Recovery from a sociopath
    • Spiritual and energetic recovery
    • For children of sociopaths
    • For parents of sociopaths
  • Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales
    • Media sociopaths
  • Lovefraud Continuing Education

Footer

Inside Lovefraud

  • Author profiles
  • Blog categories
  • Post archives by year
  • Media coverage
  • Press releases
  • Visitor agreement

Your Lovefraud

  • Register for Lovefraud.com
  • Sign up for the Lovefraud Newsletter
  • How to comment
  • Guidelines for comments
  • Become a Lovefraud CE Affiliate
  • Lovefraud Affiliate Dashboard
  • Contact Lovefraud
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

Copyright © 2025 Lovefraud | Escape sociopaths - narcissists in relationships · All Rights Reserved · Powered by Mai Theme