- This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 9 months, 4 weeks ago by .
-
Posts
-
-
When we were married about five years my sociopath husband became very ill and I took him to the ER and he was admitted to the hospital and stayed about a week severely ill.
During his entire hospital stay I stayed with him in his room, helping to make him comfortable and doing whatever I could to help and sleeping on a cot next to him.
The hospital stay was scary and stressful and exhausting but during this time something else happened: he dropped his mask,
The entire week he gave me the silent treatment, would not speak to me or acknowledge me, scowled at me, anc looked at me with absolute hatred, disgust, and contempt.
In my innocence of course I thought that his behavior was caused by his severe illness and/or the heavy medications he was given.
However now many years later I understand that actually his mask dropped because all his energy was going to surviving his illness and he did not have energy to maintain his mask.
Now I understand that the way he treated me that week was the way he truly always felt about me: disgust and hatred and contempt. That was his true face and his genuine emotions.
-
sept4; Ironically, we’ve had very similar experiences when our ex’s were going through medical issues and we witnessed their masks slipping. What I’m finding is these disordered personality behaviors are very similar and predictable.
My ex was going through prostate surgery and recovery. His son, who I feel is one of the flying monkeys, was there helping my ex. Because our relationship was long distance I was unable to be there, yet I made sure I checked in with him on a daily basis and also sent him several get well/ encouragement cards and care packages.
One of our last conversations had him cranky and he began badgering me. It was very unlike him and I thought perhaps his catheter and/ or pain was causing this. He made a statement saying, “in my condition the only thing we should be talking about is me.” That stunned me and I told him it was time to hang up, not wanting any further argument to erupt. He continued badgering me and that’s when I realized his mask had indeed slipped. Like you mentioned, the only thing they could concentrate on is themselves. Early the next morning he began to continuously call me. I needed time to process everything, so I chose not to answer instead returning his call much later that evening. What I got was a very insincere, robotic apology with him going on to say,
“I’ve apologized, it’s in the past, I’ve moved on and if you can’t accept my apology that’s on you.” He didn’t even realize the hurt he caused or what he was apologizing for! At that point I knew I had enough of his BS and without warning, reasoning or pleading I blocked him and disappeared from his life. That was 15 months ago. A year later he tried reaching out with a Christmas card which I ignored. A month after that he called from a different cell number to wish me a happy birthday and told me he still loved me. Intuitively I recognized the area code coming from this different number, so I let it go to voicemail and proceeded to block that number as well. I still have the voicemail message and every time I listen to it, which is not often, the “I love you” part sounds more and more desperate and stupid on his part. Of course he thought the “L” word would hook me …….WRONG!I never thought about the point you made -that they cannot maintain their good side when their mask begins to slip. My ex tried to do damage control after the fact, but it was so insincere it was laughable. Like I’ve said, they are similar in their behavior patterns and very, very predictable.
-
-
sept4; I’m sure there is a playbook out there that they all subscribe to. Unfortunately, we find snippets of their playbook from reading and discovering their mode of operation. You’re right, I have read that they enjoy seeing us in pain, yet I suppose we never think of that in the beginning or when we are witnessing their abusive behavior. My ex stated he hated when women cry because he thinks that makes them weak……..I think that was a cover. He always told me he liked a strong woman, so it would only make me try harder to please. They enjoy watching us cower to their demands and their rules to their games change on a dime and at their whim. It’s part of the gaslighting. At any rate, I’m glad we are rid of our ex’s. Knowing the small amount of pain we feel now is far less than if we were still with them can be of comfort to us.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.