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I will give a bit of information about me to start off. I am 37, single girl, no kids, with a steady full time job . I will say through research and a lot of reading, I am an empath and also a bit on the introvert side. I am outgoing and friendly with people but I enjoy alone time. Social situations after awhile drain me, and then I need alone time to recharge. I am an inquisitive person and believe i can read people pretty well. Unfortunately, I also attract this type of person and have been in relationships before with narcissist/sociopath’s.
About 6 months ago, I moved into a new apartment. The apartment is owned by a male landlord, he is 56, who has never been married and has a daughter from a previous relationship. Him and his girlfriend (of 15 years) live in one of the end units of the apartment, there are 5 other units in the complex. I was shown the apartment by the girlfriend, who appears now to be the one who takes care of all that and does a lot for him.
I did not meet the landlord until a few weeks after I moved in but I remember the first time I felt uneasy with a comment he had made. A few days before moving in I had texted him to remind him that I was getting my cable hooked up the next day and needed the basement unlocked. He responded in a text that he was thinking about me all night and that he would take care of it. It gave me pause and I thought the comment was odd, but I just blew if off. When I first met him, he seemed ok, asked some basic questions, come to find out he knew some family of mine in the area.
Second month rolled around and I stopped by their apartment to pay the rent. Both were home. This was when I started to get uneasy vibes from him. The way he was looking at me, and just some of his questions. Asking how everything had been, does he have to get after anybody? The way he was looking at me I felt uncomfortable. A few days after that I ran into him at the post office and even from afar he was staring and giving me a huge grin. I still felt very uneasy, but just said hi and went about my business.
I kept to myself for a few months, slowly becoming accustomed to the area and who was around me. The only communication between him and I were issues related to the apartment through a random text message. I really did not even see him for the next couple of months but weird comments continued to follow. I remember I was having issues with my shower curtain rod and he made a comment about the shower is where he does his best work. Instead of telling him to stop the comments, I chose to just blow them off, and make light of the situation. One time I was off a few days from work and he happened to be off as well. I got a text from him that he had noticed my car hadn’t moved for a few days, he was going into town and did I need anything. I remember telling my Mom and sister of these comments and that I just felt something wasn’t right but my sister said I’m sure he doesn’t have any ill intentions and he was just trying to be nice. At this point I started just communicating with the girlfriend with any further issues and avoiding him.
The last month things have really blown up. I had him install an air conditioner in my unit and about a week later I thanked both of them for helping me installing it, then the text messages went into full force. At this point we also had new tenants who had moved in below me which were acting up and starting to be a problem so there was more communication going on between us about them. Why I continued to engage with him for the next few weeks is beyond me. I guess initially I felt flattered, he was keeping me in the loop on things happening around the apartment and I guess I felt like I was starting to fit in. I felt maybe he was looking at me more as a friend and confidant but now I know he was just manipulating me. It was a weak moment for me for a few weeks, but I found out all I needed to know in those last few weeks (between text messages and a few encounters around the apt) and it solidified my thoughts that I had about him were true.
It started off with comments about how he felt like a 3rd wheel in his house, the gf’s daughter and son were home from college and he was frustrated with all that. This had gone on for the last 8 years. They don’t help much around the house or do anything. They have a boat, and he has to take all the family out on the boat and they don’t care about him. He wasn’t really getting any sex at home. He works a ton of hours and never does anything fun anymore. ( He works for an electric company as a lineman and works long days and prob gets about 20 hours of overtime every week). From the outside he seems like a hard worker, He is always on the go. One of the more energetic 56 year old’s I have ever seen. Can’t sit still. He has a child from a previous relationship (who is 25) who he called a mistake. Said at one point that he paid child support to the Mom and then she took him to court to try to get more money and she wasted $2000 to get a few dollars more a month. Talked about how much money he has and that the gf doesn’t make much money. I really couldn’t believe all these things he was telling me, so nasty and horrible comments about people in his life. A few times I actually told him that it seems like your gf does a lot for you and he didn’t like that. He was also making comments about wanting to hook up with me, I was single and we could have both of our needs met. Just a lot of pity play. I never felt sorry for him, just told him well you need to figure out what makes you happy and make changes in your life. I told him that I was not that type of person and he would not be getting any of that out of me. I also feel he thrives on the drama and wanted to create it. He would invite me out on the boat with the gf and family ( I always declined) and I just felt like he was feeding off all the drama. Throughout this couple weeks I asked questions. I asked if he had ever gotten into a relationship with a tenant before and he said no never. He had been with her for 15 years and had never done anything. He didn’t seem very worried about her finding out, which leads me to believe he has done this type of thing before. He did make a comment one time that she wasn’t happy with his “friendship” with another tenant.
I started feeling very guilty and had a horrible feeling about everything. I was worried the gf was going to find out what he was saying to me, and her and I have always had a great relationship. At this point I was in way too deep and just felt like I was losing my mind and it was weighing very heavily on me. I did tell him to stop with the inappropriate comments about a week ago and he has so far. The good news is that he works a lot and is rarely home so I don’t see him much at all. My lease isn’t up until January but I know I need to get out of here and am in the process of looking around. I can’t believe what a toxic and vile person he is and the whole thing really makes me feel sick.
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Hi beachgal36,
I can really understand what you are going through – you work full time, and need your alone time and peace, and now you find yourself in a situation that is robbing you of having a home to come home to. This guy sounds wierd and you only know of the other people in his life through his eyes, but in any case, it is all just too entangling. Some of his comments were simply unacceptable, with sexual innuendoes. And the other creepy things you described about his behavior, were intimidating – like staring at you. Normally, when there are people who are perifory to our lives, we can just ignore them, but because he is the landlord, you need to communicate with him regarding to the rental or things that need to be fixed etc. I think what you should do is to contact a lawyer, or some professional, to ask how you can get out of a lease when the landlord is harassing you. If possible, move to one of your family member’s house immediately, and hire someone to put your stuff in storage until you find a new residence. You should not put up with this psychological intruder. He is overstepping the boundaries of a landlord, and that is threatening. Do not take the blame, thinking that you should not have talked to him. You are dealing with a sick manipulator, and you innocently talked to him as people do normally converse with others, not understanding that he is one of these types that can twist a communication and make it sickening. Get away from that whole creepy situation, and get help with it as I mentioned.
Blessings to you. -
beachgal36 – yes, the guy is bad news. Somewhere between sleazy and toxic. Trust your instincts – they are functioning correctly. Yes, you need to get out.
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Dear friends,
It seems some sociopaths are attracted to being landlords because it affords them having power over others.
The upshot of all this is to do a background check on a potential landlord (and they on you), as well as trying to get to know them face to face. Try to get referrals by previous renters.
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monica- I agree. It is good to check out a landlord. I’ve known of some who were disordered.
SG
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One landlady I know hired a handyman who was very abusive to female tenants.
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