Sociopath or Jerk?

[emilie18]

Is he a sociopath or a jerk?

I have dated jerks and sociopaths. At first they are hard to tell apart. There are a million jerks out there – run of the mill rotten, selfish, nasty guys. But sociopaths – totally self-involved, conscienceless, revenge-driven sociopaths – are relatively rare. Thank heavens. So – how can you tell? Sadly, it may not become clear until the bitter end.

Jerks may eventually treat you badly, leave you hanging, cheat and lie for their own good and make you feel used. So will sociopaths. The difference is the motivation, I believe. Jerks may actually love you at first, but they grow bored – or find a bigger better thing. Sociopaths never did love you. They always had an end-game in mind – whether it was to cheat you out of money or possessions or even just a place to live, or to play nefarious games for their own pleasure, or to control you – their motivations for targeting you were never about you – just the end game.

The last jerk I dated made commitments and broke them, flirted with other women in my presence and broke up with me on Valentines Day. The last sociopath I dated talked me into cohabitating, lied about virtually every detail of his life and stole thousands of dollars from me, then blamed me when he left.

Curious about your experiences …jerk or spath? When did you figure it out?

[Donna Andersen]

emilie18 – I really like your description of the difference between jerks and sociopaths. Very astute observation – Jerks are just rude, but sociopaths have an end-game. They are exploiters.

I dated for many, many years before meeting my sociopathic con man husband. Plenty of jerks. Plenty of guys who stood me up, blew me off, disappeared, but never really took advantage of me.

I did meet one prior con man previously, but he wasn’t nearly as sophisticated as my ex. Took money from me, but also went to jail (not for taking money from me).

I think there might also be an in-between category, depending on how you define sociopath. I also include narcissists and borderlines. I remember the man I dated before meeting the ex – he may have been borderline. He was fine as long as I was agreeing with him, but once we hit a bump in the road, he became mean, sarcastic, derogatory. Definitely worse than a jerk, but I don’t think he had an agenda, like taking my money. He paid for all the dates – nice ones, too. Then went from Dr Jekyll to Mr Hyde.

[sept4]

My ex has a felony criminal record and spent years in prison. And he continues to commit a variety of crimes to this day.

So I’m pretty sure he is an actual sociopath. Not only does he not have any regard for the rights and feelings of other people, he also does not have any regard for the law.

And what is even scarier is that he was fine in prison. I think he saw it as an education and a way to build his network.

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