Sociopathic ex and father of my child got another girl pregnant

[blondie4429]

Hi everyone. My story is extremely pathetic but I need some reasssurance

I was with my child’s father for ten years total. We were together for 6 before I got pregnant with our daughter. Those 6 years were not all bliss. I felt like he cared more about his friends than me, I always always second to them. He would go out all night and not answer my phone calls. Start fights with me as an excuse to go out partying. I later found out every night he would do this he was cheating on me. He was physically abusive at times as well but I always brushed it off and everything was always my fault. I was always the one who had to say sorry. When my daughter was ten months old I discovered he had a crystal meth addiction. I stayed until she was two when I finally had enough and left. We had not lived together but we’re still exclusive with each other (at least I was) for about a year after that. I one day found out he was sleeping with some nasty woman who was also a junkie and when I confronted him he came to my home and assaulted me. He was charged with domestic assault but later got off the charges. At this time he also started dating another woman (1 month after the assault). He was off and on with her all last year, cheating on her with me as I allowed myself to be the other woman like an idiot. Her and I even ended up talking about she knew the truth but still like fools we have let him go back and forth between us. It’s pathetic. He ended up getting her pregnant in October 2016 and told her he wanted her to have an abortion otherwise he wanted nothing to do with the kid. He ended up getting sober in march of 2017 and has apparently “been sober” since but I have my suspicions. Since he was “sober” we ended up getting back together for a few months. I had a wedding to stand up in that I had to committed to while we were broken up and he went ballistic when I had to tell him that the bride and groom did not want him to attend because of his reputation and they didn’t want drama at their wedding. The night of the wedding he lost his mind on me and went and slept with the pregnant girl. They have been off and on ever since. She is literally being induced and in labour as I type this and I feel absolutely miserable about all of this.

Since kicking him out two years ago, I started working two great jobs, went to college and graduated and am now getting ready to attend university to get a degree in psychology. I am doing very well without him as a stable figure in my life but I can’t help but be sad and miserable today now that this baby is actually going to be born now and he is pretending like everything is just great with this other girl. Meanwhile, he has been here twice in the last week for sex and to talk about “us”. I really wish I could just kick this guy to the curb finally but I for whatever reason still have hope for us being a family. There is no trust left in the relationship and he has gone back and forth between this other girl and I so many times that I don’t think the damage can be fixed. Yet I still hold on! Why am I sitting here miserable when he clearly has no remorse or empathy for his actions? It’s not fair.

[mj35]

I feel your frustration and deep pain blondie4429. So much of your story is very similar to mine. I am still trying to recover and heal from all the pain and destruction my ex-husband has caused. It’s been 16 years and the cycle continues with all the women and more is being added as I type this. I think the first steps are the hardest, but necessary to break free and let go. I had to realize I have no control over what he does. His decisions would have been the exact same no matter what I had said or done. So take yourself out of the scenario and stop wondering what you could have or can do. The answer is nothing. You have no control over what kind of person he is and what choices he makes. With that said, he is what he is. A dogs a dog a cats a cat a sociopath is a sociopath. You can’t make a cat a dog no matter how much you try. You’re just going to drive yourself crazy trying. It’s painful to look at what you really are to someone like this, but for me the truth is I’m a tool in his back pocket that he uses without any more emotional attachment then you do a kitchen spoon. If the spoon stops working for you what do you do? Get another one. This is this individuals problem, not yours. You have a soul and a purpose and a beautiful spirit. Love yourself. Don’t show him your angry or hurt or anything. Don’t give it to him. You’re waisting your precious time and energy. Let go and let life do its thing. Handle situations with them calmly and emotionless for your protection and to eliminate his attempts to play with your head and heart again.
I am not a therapist and not qualified to give expert advice, this is just my experience. If any of it helps take what applies. I’m very sorry you are going through this and if it helps, you are not alone. Hugs

[Author]

Posts