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Hi At almost 45yrs old, I recently discovered that there is a good possibility my twin sister and late mother were sociopaths. This is because throughout my adult life and since childhood I was subjected to physical, verbal, mental and emotional abuses from them both that I’ve struggled to make any sense of.
They also treated our Dad exactly the same way, by being very controlling, dominating, acting superior, financial abuse, using him, ridiculing him and more. He and I both also went on to suffer physical ill health. I became ill at a very young age, and at just 16, was kicked out of the family home and forced to marry an abuser by my mother and twin who had set it up and our Dad was later institutionalised by my twin and 2yrs later died in the government home she and her husband had him committed to. There is also much more they did in way of lies, slander, false accusations, proxy abuses and attempted murder.
I have a large catalogue of abuses by them. My twin was also very active in my post separation/divorce abuse, where it was uncovered her and my then husband at the time were having a sexual relationship throughout our marriage and she was encouraging him to abuse me and our child.
How can I get over/recover from the impact of my childhood family dysfunction and the abuses and trauma I suffered because of that dysfunction? The damages the abusers and the trauma caused not just in my childhood and teens but every aspect of even my adult life. Causing physical ill health and putting me in danger to this day. I feel very confused still but I’m sure they must be sociopaths.
I did manage to work out that both my parents also came from family dysfunction even though their parents stayed married. My mother felt my grandmother had favoured me and she was also jealous of my hair being thick ?? of all things!
I did try to confront my mother once in the past… who I was terrified of and she said I didn’t know what I was talking about, nothing happened and that I was crazy (I think this is called gaslighting). I was in shock over her response… and still in shock to this day which is affecting my health.
I’ve been no contact with my abusive twin sister and her husband for almost a decade now but I still live in fear of running into them with the worry they may target my children in the future and also the smear campaign damages they began on me to cover their abuses. They still remain trying to abuse me by proxy.. any advice much appreciated thanks.
I have no doubt that the stress the abuse placed on me caused the autoimmune severe skin and bowel disorder I began suffering with in childhood.
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Hi djbear – it might be helpful for you to know that someone at this site of love fraud has gone through a situation that is very very similar to yours – and that is me ( polestar ). I had to suffer extreme psychological abuse as a child and growing up with psychopaths in my family. It is difficult when you are a child and subjected to abuse that you do not understand nor know how to deal with and do not have the power ( being a child ) to get away from. I also had the experience of invalidation of the whole ordeal as a grown up and that just compounded the initial abuse. So I completely get it. What I have done to heal is to treat the issue as I see it now in the present and to take the necessary steps that are recommended by the wise ones who understand sociopathy. I have read up and studied the whole topic of character disorders and all of the sick mind games they all seem to know how to play. I am now finally at the place where I am able to turn my back on each of them who were so abusive and go “ No Contact “ in every way including and especially in my own mind. For example when I find myself remembering something that happened that was toxic, I now say to myself “ No Contact “ and put my mind on something else. At first you might need to do reading and educating yourself about the facits of narcissistic abuse but then ( perhaps you have already done this step ) at some point you will be ready to go “ No Contact “ inwardly. About the effects that you have suffered physically in terms of your health, my advice would be to deal with your health as a separate issue that you need to take care of now. Try not to connect blame to the sociopaths because that will just keep you tethered to them and your goal is to move forward to the best of your ability. I hope that my experience and advice will be helpful to you. I have traveled down the healing road a long way and the benefit is that not only will you feel much happier, wisdom comes from all the good and positive work of getting free and that brings much joy. Blessings to you
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Hi djbear – then you are in for a very fulfilling time in your life. Because as you read and learn and watch You Tubes on the subject of healing from Sociopathic abuse, a lot of confusion will fall away and the pieces of behavior from others that you found to be incomprehensible will suddenly all click and fall into place and it is most nourishing and satisfying. Plus you will not feel so isolated because you will realize that there are so many who have gone through what you have. The outer circumstances may be different like relationships with friends, bosses, coworkers, family members, spouses- but the essential pattern of behavior is completely consistent with sociopaths across the board. At the same time there has been much headway made in studies and experiences shared for the survivor community. So this will be a time of opportunity and expanding of knowledge and healing and acceptance and support that you will be having. A warm welcome to our wonderful forum !
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djbear – I am so sorry for your experience. I thought you’d like to know about our upcoming webinar:
How abusive parents affect you and how you can recover.
Webinars on escaping sociopaths, narcissists and relationship abuse
The webinar will be presented by Mandy Friedman, LPCC-S. She is very knowledgable and caring.
Also – a question – is your sister a fraternal or identical twin?
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