- This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 4 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
-
This is the best description I can give to what I’m living right now. I have been with my now husband for close to 9 years, married for a little over a year in a half. I recently purchased Zari’s audible version of When Love is a Lie, I’m on the 3rd round of listening, the exactness of what Zari describes as her ex to my husband is amazingly precise, or so I thought before discovering its narcissism. I’ve since purchased the print version to read and notate exactly how precise her descriptions are. I can assure most if not all pages have annotations.
Which leads me to where I am at today. This morning I woke up to an email from a woman my husband had an affair with about two years ago, the email was a forward of a receipt from the Dental Office my husband goes to, apparently at some point he had this woman managing his appointments, which is exactly what I do. This hit me like a fist in my stomach, not sure why as I already knew of her and had still decided to stay. I suppose maybe it was because at the time he cried, begged, swore that she meant nothing that she was a stalker, that it was her who pursued and was relentless. Mind you I had spoken to the woman she divulged many details of the 8 month relationship. Anyhow at the time I suppose I chose to believe it because the alternative was too painful, but this morning that email was all I needed to know without a doubt exactly what this man is. I continued to sift through earlier emails and sure enough, there were plenty that divulged the empty promises this man makes to anyone. Apparently while he was living with me, in a condo we purchased together, he managed to list it for sale (unbeknownst to me) the emails and sales contract between the realtor my husband and this woman. I confronted him this morning, and of course he goes straight for that was 4 years ago, mind you it’s been barely 2, he tried to lie his way out claiming he couldnt remember. Needless to say this whole morning was filled with text messages, I called him out on all of his lies. He swore that she meant nothing, I told him oh I believe that she doesnt, but you sure made her believe that she meant everything, much the same way to do me.
I know I have to get out, I know he will never change, I know and yet I’m walking around in tears and doubting myself and my every thought.
-
drfitness, I’m so sorry that you are living this nightmare. When you are in the tornado of a sociopath it is scary to step out & escape the hell because they have manipulated our minds, heart & screwed with our self esteem plus our health might not be so good with all the daily stress, chaos & drama they inflict on us.
I can promise you this, once you leave & follow the no contact rule & have some time to heal…you will never want to go back to him ever again. It does not feel that way now…but in time you will see who he is and you will chose peace & calm life without him over his chaos, manipulation, lies & drama.
I was in the same exact situation. I wanted to believe his words…but, the reality is ALL Sociopaths are pathological liars (look this term up here on LF & the net). Every thing they tell you is a lie…everything…especially if you are trying to get to the bottom of “are they cheating or not”.
Best thing you can do right now is LISTEN TO YOUR GUT INSTINCT!! YOUR GUT IS NEVER WRONG!! EVER!!
Google” “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube”. And watch their interview about listening to your gut instinct. Gavin Debecker’s book is The Gift of Fear (do a search on this book here on LF).
The only thing you will ever get from your husband when seeking the truth is a head spinning of lies. He will intentionally keep spinning your head away from the truth…your body, mind & spirit will break down.
My other advise it to call your National Domestic Violence Hotline (in the USA 800-799-SAFE) to talk with a free counselor and also go to your local center for free counseling & free women group meeting. This will all help to open your mind up to the truth and also the center can help you with a Domestic Abuse Safety & Exit plan.
Talk to your most trust friends and family and tell them what is going on. And ask them for help.
You state:
I know I have to get out, I know he will never change, I know and yet I’m walking around in tears and doubting myself and my every thought.
It’s awful to be in this state of mind hon, we have all been there. Crying our eyes out until you think you have no tears left but then you just keep crying. Keep reading here at Lovefraud. Every time you are crying come here and read everything!! This will help open your mind up the the reality of what you are truly enduring = hell.
Your husband is a con man!! He is a masterful manipulator with his words. he literally has you under his MIND CONTROL like a cult leader to a cult follower!! This is part of the reason why it is hard to leave. This is why you need help out.
Keep posting here & everyone will respond. Keep asking questions & venting here. This helps to see the truth also.
We hear you!! We believe you!! we are here for you.
Donna has created an amazing support site here plus an incredible library of info to learn what we were living in and also to heal.
Look up these terms here on love fraud:
Gas lighting abuse
Sociopath smear campaign
sociopath triangulation
NO contact ruleYou can leave him hon…you have the power to do this. Just reach out to your local abuse center for help with a Safety & exit plan. The most dangerous time for a woman in a abusive relationship is when she is about to leave or has left her abuser. SO please get help out. But, keep coming her to learn who you are married too.
Clear your computer history for your safety!!!
Sending you hug hugs!! 💜💜💜💜
-
This article on what is abuse is from the USA National Domestic Violence Hotline website (google):
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence
It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.
Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partner.
Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who:
Tells you that you can never do anything right
Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
Controls every penny spent in the household
Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
Prevents you from making your own decisions
Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
Prevents you from working or attending school
Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
Explore the tabs below to learn some of the common warning signs of each type of abuse. Experiencing even one or two of these behaviors in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Remember, each type of abuse is serious, and no one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason. If you have concerns about what’s happening in your relationship, contact us. We’re here to listen and support you!”USA Hotline number = 800-799-safe. IF you are not in the USA then just google for your country’s hotline. 💜
-
ALso, look up the Domestic abuse power & control wheel.
-
You state:
Apparently while he was living with me, in a condo we purchased together, he managed to list it for sale (unbeknownst to me) the emails and sales contract between the realtor my husband and this woman.
You need to go to County Records and see if he did indeed sell your condo to this woman!!
He would have had to forge your name at the sale of the condo. THIS WOULD BE AGAINST THE LAW!!
When you sell property the Title Company will put the property sells money into an escrow account at which time both owners of the property would need to sign for the release of the money. It is very common for sociopaths to forge paperwork. My ex did this while we were married. Not sure how many times but I caught him once. He just stated to me that he needed to take care of it quickly other wise he would have had to send me the paper work and then I would have had to sign & send it back him. I was shocked. But, moved on from it but, I do wonder how many times he did this.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUT on this!!
Check to see if he took a Second mortgage out on this property if you still own it. This is also a trick the sociopaths does without telling their spouse.
FOR YOUR SAFETY IF YOU DO FIND OUT THAT HE HAS MANIPULATED ANY PAPERWORK OR TOOK A SECOND MORTGAGE OUT YOU MUST BIT YOUR TONGUE AND NOT LET HIM ON TO THE FACT YOU HAVE FOUND THIS OUT…THIS FOR YOUR SAFETY. ALSO HE CAN BE ARRESTED FOR FORGING YOUR SIGNATURE!
YOU MUST PLAY GAMES TO GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. The only time I lied to my then h (now ex) was when I knew I was going to escape. I did not lead on that I was leaving him , I just started to plan my ex.
-
dr- YOU CAN LEAVE. Take it one step at a time.
SG
-
Hi drfitness – I am so sorry that you are going through this, having to face that your husband is someone who you thought you could share your life with and that in actuality he cannot be trusted to take any kind of real stand for you – but is undermining the very fabric of your being. I know how hard it is, but you are being very courageous to really see what is, and what has been going on for a long time, by reading and listening to those who have also gone through what you are experiencing. The participants are encouraging and supporting you to get out of the situation. It is so important because if you stay, you will only get weaker and your health and your vibrancy for life will just fade. Your husband cause this no matter how you try to fight it or no matter how you may try to resolve things. It is just a loosing battle and time is on his side. You have the strength and awareness now. Please follow through using the recommendations from the other participants who have responded. Do not let yourself get fooled by any of his sweet talking lies – they are pure poison.
Blessings to you
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.