The sex

[Freeofnarc]

As I am starting to process my feelings related to the psychopath in my life, I often worry that if I meet someone when I’m healed that the sex will never be as good. Truly I hate him so much and I will never go back to him. I have so many fond memories of the sex though. My feelings played out on Netflix when I watched the show sex life. It’s about a woman who is married with kids but she can’t stop thinking about her toxic boyfriend from years ago who she had crazy sex with. She chose a safe guy, not a bad boy, to marry. Anyone else have these thoughts? Has anyone been through it and found a partner who is as good or better than their toxic ex?

[polestar]

Hi Angel,
I think you will be happy to know that there have been other participants who have asked the same question as you. I remember trying to answer the question at one time and I must admit, I was not happy with my response. So I will give it another go now and hope I can post something that you might find helpful. — I think when our emotions are all out of control, and we are feeling overwhelmed and upset, then this state can produce alot of passion. Unfortunately in so many marriages, passion has completely left the relationship. There are many reasons that this happens, but that is why so many people have affairs – there is all the excitement of secrecy and all of that which rekindles passion. Also as with the woman you described from the show, it is interesting how when something hurts so much, it can continue to have a lure for us. It sounds to me like the woman’s marriage was not satisfying, and when that happens, then sex will not be satisfying either. So to her, the abuse was more attractive than what she has in a boring marriage. The pain of abuse brings passion and addiction. And, you know, it has a kind of mesmorizing power. But I think that true love has a different feel, and it can grow and be so beautiful. So about the sexual aspect of a relationship, it permeates all of the relationship, and sex will always be an expression of the relationship, however overwhelmingly crazy, or exaperatingly boring, or when there is a deepening of being in love ( or even when being love bombed ). For myself, I have fond memories of the sexual aspect of some relationships that had great sex and makes me smile, but the feeling of being in love whether with sex or without, is just heaven.

[Freeofnarc]

Hi polestar —I appreciate your response and it does make sense. I’m too early in the healing process to be thinking about this probably but that show really got into my head unfortunately. My ex psychopath and I were so sexually compatible, it’s hard to believe I will find that again. And it’s hard to let go of that but it must be done. Thank you again!

[polestar]

Blessings to you !

[polestar]

Hi Angel –
Remember that Mother Nature or however you want to think of it, has made sex one of the most primary components of being human – it is so essential for the propagation of the species that it has been made so attractive. It is not like for the billions of people on Earth that it is an anomaly to have a wonderful sexual compatibility. So be assured that Nature will have her way and you will find sexual fulfillment once again.
Blessings

[Freeofnarc]

Thank you polestar!

[Donna Andersen]

angel12034 – Yes, sex can be better after the sociopath. Especially when there is true love between you and your partner — which will never happen with a sociopath.

[Freeofnarc]

Thanks Donna!

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