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Hi…I’m newly registered on this site so I haven’t had a chance to make sure my question hasn’t already been asked. I apologize if it has. I’ve been suffering in all ways humanly possible under the thumb of who I believe is a covert malignant narcissist at minimum. I dated him in high school. He was the first love of my life. Skip ahead 25 years, we started seeing each other again once I said hi on Facebook. I had loved him all those years in between. Even through my marriage of 18 years and having my 2 beautiful now adult kids, I always kept a special place for him in my heart. The first year with him it was as if all my struggles in life disappeared and I felt the most loved and in love I had ever felt. Fast forward nine years later and here I am, a nearly destroyed shell of myself. I can hardly get out of bed. I’m trying to be at the end of a ten year attack on my life, my home, my value as a human in this world, my sense of attractiveness, my confidence, my social life, my wants, needs, desires…ever fiber of my existence is suffering. I won’t get into all the details, but for healing, perhaps I’ll write my story one day. He basically took bit by bit from me, with me seeing it and fighting against it, gradually throughout the nine years after that first year. My desire is to see people like this held responsible in a court of law in every state. I used to think cheating was the worst thing to do to someone in a monogamous relationship. I haven’t even had a chance to heal from the first cheating offense nine years ago. There has been nothing but hell ever since.
That was a long introduction to my question. I think in writing this, I already have my answer, but here it is. Can ongoing binge drinking of hard liquor and taking of pills, like Valium, bring about a gradual, seemingly permanent, change in that person’s personality extreme enough to end up with all the traits of a sociopath?Thanks for your time. I’m appreciating this site and all that I have read thus far. I’m seeing that I’m not alone and there is hope to rise above this mess.
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Welcome to the site isaidpineapple!
This is a good place to be and yes, there is hope and so much support here for all of us!
I’m sorry for your pain and what you have been through in the wake of your relationship. In regards to your question- alcohol and Valium are a lethal combination even in the most normal of circumstances. I feel the personality of a sociopath is ingrained and not necessarily brought on by excessive substance abuse although it can certainly magnify his personality traits.
My sociopath / narcissist drank in excess and would blame it on what he diagnosed as PTSD. He became very irresponsible when drinking and ended up with subsequent DUI’s as a result. That said, he never learned his lesson or took responsibility for his actions saying the police were profiling him, etc.
I have no psychological background, yet would be willing to go out on a limb and say the substance abuse by your ex is a way to minimize and cloud his reality. From my extensive reading, most personality disordered despise themselves and/or their partners because they do not have the ability to have normal, caring emotions. Their only emotions are rage, power, abuse, manipulation, etc.
In closing, make yourself your first priority. Be good to yourself, give yourself grace and try to absorb all you can from books, videos and websites such as LoveFraud. It WILL get better and you will find yourself among friends on this sight.
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Hi Pineapple, welcome and I’m so sorry for everything you are going through.
Yes personality disorders are often comorbid with addictions. I’m not sure whether addictions can cause personality disorders. I think personality disorders are more fundamental in people’s brains and start in childhood or maybe even through some neurological defects present at birth already. My sense is that addictions can then amplify those personality disorders. But those are just my thoughts. I don’t know what the scientific research says on this topic.
My sociopath ex had addictions to alcohol (vodka) and drugs (cocaine). His behavior was horrific and I’m not sure whether addiction or personality disorder was the main driver. But he was extremely manipulative and an extremely skilled liar. I don’t think those “talents“ are caused by alcohol/drugs. I think they are caused by a personality disorder.
Either way it’s all just one huge toxic mess. Ultimately it doesn’t even matter precisely what caused what. The bottom line is that you have to stay away from these horribly toxic people and focus on healing and health and happiness for yourself.
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Hello isaidpineapple – I am so sorry for your experience. It is truly traumatic. In answer to your question, substance and alcohol abuse do not cause a sociopathic personality disorder, although they can cause sociopathic behavior.
Many sociopaths also abuse substances. A predisposition to antisocial or psychopathic personality disorder is, in fact, genetically related to substance abuse. Plus, a common trait of these personality disorders is thrill-seeking, and one way they pursue thrills is through drugs and alcohol.
What often happens, therefore, is that a person already has a sociopathic personality disorder, abuses drugs or alcohol, and this makes the sociopathic behavior worse.
Many people mistakenly believe that the problem is drug or alcohol abuse. The sociopaths then get sober – yes, they can do it – and they are still sociopaths.
In any event, I hope you have left the relationship. You deserve much better.
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Aloha Pineapple🍍🍍, sending you HUGE hugs hon.💜💜💜💜 We have all been there, exactly where you are now…lost, hopeless, confused, wanting to give up…
YOU ARE STRONGER THEN YOU KNOW HON…get out of this chaotic & drama filled nightmare you are living, and dont look back…he will NOT change…yes, he might stop drinking but then he will just become a “dry drunk”, meaning he will still manipulate you, con you out of everything, be cunning & deceptive etc.
Like others have posted above, my ex too had a major drinking problem, however, I would put him in the “functioning alcoholic” category, he drink every night and when with frinds had no clue when to stop drinking until he threw up & would need to be taken care of. It was a nightmare.
YOU CAN NOT SAVE HIM….say thIS to yourself everyday!! “I CANT SAFE HIM, BUT I CAN SAFE MYSELF”
IT’S TIME TO SAVE YOURSELF HON…it’s time to flee this nightmare.
Donna & Terry have all your answers here on this incredible library filled with articles and victims comments. When you are confused (which is daily with a socioapth) come here & READ, READ, READ…when you are sad & feel alone COME TO LOVEFRAUD AND VENT, READ & LEARN. This site is a savings Grace…literally. I never cried so much in my life when I fled my ex (a sociopath) and every time I came here & read, vented, and learned…and then one day the crying stopped just like that…so amazing how the brain works thru tramua.
Read Donna’s comment again & again when you have your doubts. Just because you take the alchohol away from them…does not mean the sociopath traits stop. WHAT YOU SEE NOW IS WHAT YOU WILL GET WHEN HE IS SOBBER!
LIke you, I too was so exhausted that I could not get out of bed, when from doctor to doctor and could not get my energy back. I was lucky enough once I escaped to find a doctor who knew exactly what my health issue was = Adrenal fatigue (look that up).
Our adrenal glands sit on top of our kidneys. Their job is to regulate our blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol & adrenline levels (FIGHT, FLIGHT & FREEZE RESPONSE MODE) and regulate over 50 hormones. THEY ARE A HUGE DEAL AND MOST DOCTORS DO NOT KNOW ABOUT ADRENAL FATIGUE. some good sites to get educated on adrenal fatigue are Dr Lam. com and Adrenal fatigue. org (I have zero affliation to these sites my doctor gave me Dr Wilson’s adrenal vitamins 4 times a day 1 am, at 12pm 4 pm and before bed time. He also gave me progestorone Rx pill. Within hours my anxiety level was half and within weeks I was moving towards my old self prior to meeting my ex.
JUST KNOW THAT SOCIOPATHS CREATE CHOAS & DRAMA ON PURPOSE TO WARE US OUT SO THEY HAVE FULL CONTROL OVER US AND SO WE DONT LEAVE THEM.
Get your health in order here are some sites/books that helped me to balance my hormones naturally which I think is best:
Eat to live book by Dr Joel Fuhrman (see his you tube channel)
Dr Neal Barnard has books & see him on you tube
PLant based nation you tube
The china study by ??
Super juice me documentary on you tube FREE
Jason vale juicing you tube
Sick, fat & nearly dead FREE documentary on their site (same name, even if you are not over weight this documentary shows you the power of veggie juicing on healing the body and hormones.
Check your local library website to see if they have these books in hard cover or electronic form. If you are in the uSA then most likely they can get the book for you from another libraray. IN my library system there are so many health books.
Second:
If you are still with this socioapth…then make steps to get out. Donnna has articles on this (many).
ALSO, DO SEARCH FOR YOUR NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WEBSITE AND READ EVERYTHING THERE &CALL THEM.
In the USA their site is:
national domestic violence hotline. com
800-799-SAFE
Ask them for help with a “Domestic violence Safety & Exit plan” (look thisup on their website & you tube)
MAKE SURE YOU CLEAR YOUR COMPUTER HISTORY EACH TIME YOU DO A SEARCH FOR YOUR SAFETY. IF you have a trusted family member or friend go to their home a do searches and make calls to the hotline.
YOU ARE STRONGER THEN YOU KNOW…I know right now it does not feel that way…I was the same when I crawled away from my ex..but, you will get to a point once you are free that you will be thanking your lucky stars that you had the courage to escape the hell you are enduring now with this sociopath.
When you leave him it’s not easy you will need to break the addiction he has created thru trauma to bond you to him. But,if you focus on getting your health back it will make it easier to break the addiction. Do a search here on lovefraud up at the top for “socioapth addiction” and read Donna’s manhy article on the subject. Donna has written articles on your very question too, so do a search for those too.
KEEP VENTING & ASKING QUESTIONS HERE ON LOVEFRAUD. DONT WORRY how long your post is (there are NO short post when talking about a sociopath abuse) just vent, READ, and ask questions.
WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!! 💜
YOU ARE NOT ALONE HON!! 💜
Wishing you all the best.🌸
Take care.
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ps Go to the top of Lovefraud and look at the “Book store”. Donna has her books which are a must read for anyone stuck in a socioapth abusive relationship and she also has other books there as well.
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Pineapple- My ex sociopath /narcissist had his “key” people that he drank with. As long as others supplied the liquor my ex was there to take full advantage. He looked forward to weekends watching football and drinking to excess. He rarely contributed and counted on his cousin to supply his needs in alcohol. He relished when these same people would take him out drinking on Veterans Day (he is a Vet) or his birthday. He would drive drunk and drunk dial me until I started pointing out the consequences of DUI’s then he was cleaver enough to refrain from calling me after his drinking binges. When we first met he told me his ex wife wanted him to stop drinking (red flag) and go to church with her. He obliged for awhile, or so he said, but I’m sure it was an act to gain whatever he wanted from her. Obviously, even with abstaining and going to church he was still a sociopath/narcissist who was plotting his next moves. In the end he claimed his ex wife changed and accused him of cheating (another red flag) and he exited the marriage. In reality, I’m sure she asked him to leave and she filed for divorce.
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Sorry…..I hit submit on my last post before I had finished.
What I planned to end my post with was in the end no matter what the bottom line is they are still a sociopath/ narcissist and they will NOT change. Every person they prey on is a means to an end. They look for people to contribute to their devious plan. My ex had his cousin supply the alcohol and he took full advantage of what he could get away with.
As others have said, take care of yourself and your health. Like any addiction it takes time for the toxic negatives of your sociopath to withdraw from your system. Life does get better!
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