Was he a sociopath and how can I cope?

[babyghost]

I had a very interesting situation with someone I believe to be a sociopath, but would like some insight on the whole thing as I’ve never really received help for this.

This goes back to 2012, I was 14 at the time and he was 16. We met online, and he was an Internet personality with a strong following. After a couple months of me messaging him online we started texting. You can imagine how special I felt, since he was someone of higher social status and his lifestyle seemed more promising than mine.

Things moved VERY quickly: we texted nonstop every day, we were each other’s best friend, I fell for him hard. There was things said like “you’re the only one who gets me, nobody else cares about me but you, etc”. There was lots of talk about sex, he would initiate inappropriate conversations out of nowhere but at the time it didn’t bother me.

Then I would find him hitting up other girls online, saying similar but not quite the same things to them, how he was such good friends with them and whatnot. There started to be arguments over stupid things, and then the cycle ensued. Our fights were brutal, then not long after we would make up and be best friends again. I let him ruin a bunch of my relationships because he always promised better things, and I believed him because I thought he meant it. But I would just be strung along again.

This went on up until 2016, when a huge fight happened with his best friend that he was popular online with. I got involved after he had ignored my prom invite (then proceeded to post online that he was never asked to prom). I had posted some questionable text messages he had sent me in the past to make people mad at him, and it worked. We stopped talking and have only had indirect contact since then.

Early 2018 I made a thread online full of text messages he had sent, harassing underage me for nudes and sending inappropriate things. I did this after some other people had come to me saying he was doing the same thing to them, years later. The thread didn’t pick up online until earlier this year, when so many people started to do videos on it. In response he made a video turning the entire situation on me, saying things like he always wanted to be with me but I did things like make fun of his weight. That went back and forth and then I ended it.

We met up in person several times throughout the years at events and once in his neighborhood. One time, he had “accidentally” touched my butt and proceeded to text me about it afterward, like he was proud about it. Again, I didn’t mind it because I was head over heels for him. Another time, while we were backstage at an event and I had a boyfriend, he put his arm around me as I sat next to him, then kissed my cheek as I left.

I’m currently married but I still have a lot of issues from dealing with him throughout the entirety of my teen years. This is just a brief overview but it was very back and forth, lots of fighting and manipulating and blame. I still can’t help but feel guilty for my part in the whole thing, though I believe that everything I did wrong was a reaction to what he was doing. Does anyone have any thoughts on this and how I can better cope with it all? I have no insurance and I can’t afford therapy so I’m looking for some online resources.

Thank you!

[Donna Andersen]

Babyghost – I am so sorry for your experience. The behavior you describe in the guy is consistent with what I hear all the time from people who have dealt with sociopaths, so it is possible that he is disordered. But there are quite a few behaviors that go into a diagnosis. You may want to check them out here:

Cluster B personality disorders — antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic

In any event, the guy is an immature jerk who was engaged in inappropriate behavior with an underage girl. You where exploited and hurt by his behavior.

What do you do now?

You are taking a good first step by researching personality disorders. You might want to watch my videos, especially, “Yes, you, yourself, can diagnose a sociopath.” The point is, once you educate yourself about the disorders, you can decide, for the purposes of whether or not to allow a person into your life, if he/she meets the criteria for disorder.

The next step for you is to work on your recovery. The guy definitely abused you, so you have endured emotional pain. This means you need emotional recovery.

How do you recover? You let yourself feel the pain of the experience.

Maybe you didn’t do that before. We are not taught to deal with our emotional pain. We’re taught to get up, brush ourselves off, and start again. So the pain may be festering inside you. It needs to come out.

You might want to check out Lovefraud’s articles on recovery. You can see them here:

https://lovefraud.com/category/recovery-from-a-sociopath/

You can also check out our videos and webinars.

The actual work, however, you can do yourself. That means finding some quiet time, remembering particular incidents, and letting yourself truly feel the emotions of those incidents. If you cry, great. If you are angry, express it appropriately. That means hitting a punching bag, not trying to confront the guy. The idea is to get the emotioal poison out of your system.

I hope this helps.

[Sunnygal]

babyghost- As Dona says, it is important to be careful who you allow into your life since some are disordered.

SG

[polestar]

Hi babyghost – 14 years old is still when girls are essentially children. There are laws about the age for consensual sexual relations for this very reason. But it is difficult to make laws to protect the innocent from psychological manipulation. You did not have the emotional maturity to be able to deal with the situation you were faced with. As a matter of fact, mature adults most of the time do not have the skills developed sufficiently to deal with psychopaths and charactered disordered individuals. That’s why this site is so important. It is good that you are now learning about all of this and beginning to heal from what you went through. But as you do so, remember that it was absolutely not in any way your fault.
Blessings to you.

[Sunnygal]

Babyghost- Abuse of a child is really low. This guy was really an immature jerk.

SG

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