What can I do to stop this?

[melabella]

Hi my narc ex have been in court he was ordered by court to set up a PO Box to send letters and such to our child that he has not seen for years and who does not want contact with him nearly 1 month ago he now is contacting my solicitor that he has a problem doing that my solicitor has informed me every time they speak I will be billed for it just another way to control he wants me to set it up though I was not ordered to do this he was he has said he can’t set up a PO Box in a town he doesn’t live but a quick look online suggests otherwise like always something simple he makes a massive problem to cause stress to me I don’t understand why 1 he did not sort this out the day we left court in the morning he had that day and all the days since to do this and instead contact my solicitor everything being our fault and our problem doesn’t seem to go away, seems another way to control me and my finances and do nothing himself at the same time though it is all meant to be about our child..is there anything I can do about this?
Safe to say I have let the solicitor know that I no longer wish for them to act on my behalf has anyone else found that they have encountered the people there paying seeming to help this person? Helping them give you misery for their financial gain?
Has anyone had the same situation is there any advice you could give me? Many thanks x

[polestar]

Hi melabella – it sounds like your ex is doing a “ Hoover “ to push your buttons to get you to react. His problem is with the court and not you. I agree that your solicitor was not doing a good job. The solicitor should have reported that your ex was not doing what the court ordered. And then let the court and legal system handle it instead of acting like a telephone service between you and your ex and charging you an exorbitant fee for it !

[Sunnygal]

I agree with polestar.

SG

[melabella]

Thank you for your replies, that’s definitely him always hoovers can be after months but usually when he wants something or to get out of something and make it in to my fault or problem

[Donna Andersen]

Melabella – I am glad you got rid of the solicitor. Yes, your ex was probably contacting him in order to run up your costs – that is a typical sociopath strategy.

Keep in mind that the best thing for your child is to have no contact with your ex. So if your ex never gets the PO Box set up, I wouldn’t worry about it. If he cannot correspond, it’s better for your child.

[Jan7]

Melabella, my ex did the same with regards to contacting my divorce lawyer via the phone continuously because he refused to hire a lawyer. I told my lawyer I would NOT be paying for any phone calls that he & my ex would have. That my ex was a con artist & this was part of his con game. The Lawyer told me I had to send him an email with regards to this & then he would not talk with my ex via the phone. I did. But, eventually got a new lawyer.

Like Donna states sociopaths want to run your cost up…basically they want to destroy you in every way…especially financially!

My ex traveled for business and said in court to the judge that he could not receive any “certified” letters…so the judge said the court would send him emails. At the time I was upset because it was part of his con game to get people to do what he wanted and he wanted to control the judge with this maneuver. But, reading your post now I realize that it was good that the judge allowed him to receive court emails that way he was on the hook for knowing when court dates would be issued. So maybe ask the court for your ex to receive emails from them.

Go after lawyer fees from your ex in court….read the book One moms battle by Tina Swiften (do a search on LF for this book Donna has done a write review on this book & has done several interviews with Tina so look for those interviews here also on Lovefraud. See Amazon for this excellent book. Also, One moms battle has a Facebook page that has excellent support for custody issues. I would recommend that you open a fake email account then a fake Facebook page..this way your ex, his family &friends do not see what you are posting there. Also, on this new Facebook page set very sticked security settings with “me only” (you) so that you are the only one that sees the post & that it is not on any feeds. Just to protect your privacy. You will have to go to two spots on Facebook to do this one under “privacy settings” and the other cant remember but just google.

Wishing you all the best. Take care.

So sorry that you are dealign with this nightmare sociopath. What a blessing he does not want to see your children. Like Donna states KEEP IT THAT WAY. My guess is as your ex gets older & the kids get older he will want to come into their lives & wreak havoc on them & you…so beware.

[Jan7]

Sociopaths do not want normal people to have any peace..peace in life or mind. So your ex will do everything he can to create chaos, drama & disfunction in your life (and everyones life0. They thrive on this kind of chaos & drama. You have to become detached from his behavior emotionally. This is not easily. But, every time he does something crazy, chaotic or dramatic…just laugh inside & say yet here goes the crazy guy again. But, do not take his behavior personally…he does this with everyone.

They intentionally push everyones buttons for fun…to create stress & anxiety in other peoples lives (for fun)…once you see this & your make steps to not react you WIN! And sociopaths hate that their target victims see the truth & stop reacting. If he upsets you come here to LF and vent. Get it out of your mind or vent in a journal. Dont keep it in your mind writing it down really does help to get it out of your mind so that you do not keep thinking about his horrible behavior over & over and this causes it to become trapped in your mind.

[monicapz]

Dear melabella and friends,

Lawyers not only charge when someone calls them, but even when someone leaves a message with the staff!

Make it clear that you will not pay for contacts from your ex or their associates (sociopaths will use different phone numbers, contact methods, such as e-mail, and friends to make calls for them.

Ask your lawyer to have an outgoing message, “we recommend you seek your own counsel instead of speaking to us.” The lawyer will notify his/her staff to say the same.

All good lawyers know this, but some need to be reminded.

When billed, ask for an itemized statement, and don’t pay for such items.

When you seek a new lawyer, bring this up on the onset of your relationship.

This happened to me, when the person had their mother call the lawyer! Refused to pay the associated charges and got the police to speak to them both, and the Department of Fraud speak to the lawyer.

Good luck. We are here for you!

Yours truly,

Monica

[melabella]

Yes he was constantly emailing her asking her advice? I did and do not understand that as she was meant to be representing me I was paying her he would not mind me setting it up and paying money to the solicitor that I would still have to pay for doing that I don’t understand why she was interested in his concerns if he had concerns he would of sorted it out with the court that ordered it.
He is skilled at getting women to feel sorry for him and do what he wants it seem he plants seeds and she went along with it narcs make what their saying seem rational until you think about it when they aren’t near and you’re thinking clearly it doesn’t actually make sense at all.
I was not informed I could apply for him to be ordered to pay my court cost he has now informed child maintenance that his wage is now lower coincidence I think not.

[melabella]

I made all the relevant people aware that he would do what he has that he has no love for our child at all a person would not go years without seeing or even knowing how their child is let alone trying to provide 0 for them until they are made to not only that but the abandonment issues that he has caused my child to feel in such a short life without the things said and done to me he thought was perfectly fine to not just do but in front of our child but they didn’t listen to me his feelings where more important than my child’s the legal system makes no sense to me it’s seems the rights of a perpetrator matter others rights don’t

[polestar]

Hi melabella – you did all the right things and took the proper steps to protect you and your child. Now you just need to find an intelligent lawyer this time – though it was not your fault that the lawyer who was originally supposedly handling things did so much damage. But, try to be strong as you have been all along through this ordeal. Donna mentioned that it is in your child’s best interest not to have anything to do with your ex ( something to that effect ), so just keep No Contact and have nothing further to do with the post office box etc – that is your ex’s problem with the judicial system and you don’t need to respond about it at all. As you know, when and if you do hire another lawyer, be sure to follow the direction that Monica advised. My advise for you at this point is to try ( I know it is difficult ) to not focus on what your ex has done that is despicable but to focus instead on your own good character and the strength you have demonstrated. Those abusers want all attention to continually be directed around them, that way they get other’s energy to drain. Keep up the good work !
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

I agree with polestar. Focus on you.

SG

[melabella]

Thank you for so much for the replies and advice, god bless x

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