What to do about Bigamy?

[jjs64]

My ex told me repeatedly for years that there was a statute of limitations against being married to two people at the same time in the state we were married in. He swore that I would get in trouble too, that no one would care, or I would have to pay back all the support and had been laughed at by cops and judges. Turns out that there isn’t a statute of limitations and it’s a felony. All the paperwork is available to prove he committed the crime. While I’m aware I can file, I also know that there are ways to make it so that he can’t pressure me to drop the charges again like he has done so many times before by threatening me. His lawyer is just like him and even got the court appointed guardian to tell me that I needed to drop the charges because it just showed that I was being vindictive because they said I couldn’t win. This from someone who didn’t cared about the kids until I filed for full custody. Then all the sudden he becomes father of the year while I appeared completely crazy because he kept threatening and accusing me while dealing with abuse from him, his lawyer, and the guardian for the kids.

I know that there are ways for him to to plea down for a lesser charge and/or sentence. But as everyone here most likely understands, this man has gotten away with a ridiculous amount. It seems the law overlooks the crimes he commits and he gets away with everything over and over. He’s tried, in the past, to convince the kids that it was me that abused them and not him. I can’t even begin to explain how badly I don’t want to have to see him as often as I have to, how irritating it is to be recorded even though I’m not doing anything wrong, or how difficult it is to explain that his tactics and his actions are the reason I’ve appeared completely cray in the past. To someone who has no idea what dealing with a narcissistic sociopath is like, it’s neigh to impossible to explain. He’s broken so many laws and gotten out of punishments, hasn’t paid bills, all the while accusing me of being the worst parent. Projecting all of his own faults onto me. All of which usually leaves me in a complete haze and left me responsible for taking care of everything since he refused. He always relies on his girlfriends (he keeps moving up in social status based on whatever gullible woman he meets next) to pay his bills and how his lawyers fees. This is not the first girlfriend he has moved in with and then quit his job while threatening to pay me less child support. I can’t afford a lawyer and I’m sure he’ll be filing for custody soon, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. I don’t qualify for legal aid and don’t have anyone to turn to for assistance.

I wish I knew of a way to keep him from getting the charge knocked down to a misdemeanor and getting away without punishment…again. When exactly are the victims supposed to get a break from their abuser? Why does the law seem to support and uphold the rights of someone who completely ignores and breaks those laws while victimizing those who have already suffered enough at the hands of someone who thinks that this is some sort of game? What exactly does it take? There’s no way I can take another 12 years of this, yet there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it either. I keep contact to a minimum but the trauma has left me stuck with the damage of the past still present in my every day life. It can be completely overwhelming and more than a little unnerving that there seems to be no recourse through the law unless the victim has the financial ability to pay for the legal support necessary to get through this. How is any parent supposed to do so while being fully responsible for taking care of the kids and yet still maintaining a roof as well as having paid off all the joint debt from the relationship that left them completely decimated? The entire situation is atrocious!

[Donna Andersen]

jjs64 = I understand how overwhelming it feels to be dealing with so much drama. And it is frustrating, because they do seem to keep getting away with abdicating their responsibilities, and even crime.

Many moms in your position cannot afford an attorney and need to represent themselves. It is not easy, but it can be done. You will need to educate yourself on how to do it.

If there is no statute of limitation charges in your state on bigamy, then what you have is leverage. When dealing with a sociopath, you need all the leverage you can get. So I suggest that you figure out how to use the bigamy to your advantage. Don’t give up on the charges – use them.

Here’s more info:

10 tactics for child custody battles with sociopaths

[nosp]

The other tip I have on bigamy is to look up your state’s laws on how they handle the dissolution of a bigamous marriage. In Virginia it’s via annulment not divorce, the second
& all subsequent marriages are treated as invalid, null & void, as if they never happened. Go to see someone who is a family lawyer who understands how the procedures for bigamous marriages may be differently handled & particularly ask about how this might impact third parties & debts they are trying to get paid off (mortgages, loans, credit cards, etc), you want to protect yourself especially if you absolutely had no idea you were marrying someone who was already married.

Also in some cases, bigamy is a crime (in Virginia depending on the circumstances it can be either a lesser misdemeanor or a more serious felony) so you may want to talk to a criminal lawyer or your local prosecutor. The bigamist might well have to do some jail time.

[nosp]

One more insider tip, if your funds are limited & you live near a law school, see if the school has a family law clinic that might be willing to take your case, law students will do the lion’s share of the work (they’re taking a practical class in this, they get real world experience working on your case, they’re doing this also for a grade), but they will be supervised by licensed attorneys who are their professors & teachers.

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