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This topic is due to my intense frustration of a psychopath’s abusive lies to children and our inability to protect our kids from it.
Some background:
1. My Ex is diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder from UCLA. He went to Center for Sexual Health in LA saying he was a sex addict and would get treatment if I wouldn’t leave him (threatened to kill himself and I was sucker enough to be manipulated by it). They sent him for psych testing at UCLA and he initially hid his diagnosis until he used it years later to say his behavior wasn’t his fault because he was a diagnosed psycho.
2) Ex has been reported by teachers and doctors over 12 times for abusing kids, physical, sexual. Court still allows unsupervised visits and he’s dodged child-support.
3) He has felony history of grand theft auto, burglary, and petty theft.
4) a) He regularly impersonates himself in person and online as a Los Angeles City Fireman (current or retired) including dressing up in their uniforms,
b) impersonates himself as a military veteran, so far Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, and Navy Seal,
c) through June 2016 at least, impersonated himself as having cancer and got crew of CSI: Las Vegas believing his throat surgery was for esophageal cancer.
So there is the background.
What my little child, who is diagnosed as traumatized and has mild autism must deal with is not only the abuse suffered from father, but father involves our little child in his lying schemes and our child is under duress not to expose father’s lieS and is required to cover for father when he impersonates, lies, and takes our son on his extra-martial dates (lie to girlfriends and must lie to his step-mother), not expose father when he lies to people and step-mother about fraud military service or fraud fire fighter status, and is ordered by father not to speak to Sheriff or therapist about what father says or does to him or around him.
Naturally our child has been in therapy for ages due to the abuse. But to stay court compliant, no one can say the father is a lying even though our child knows it openly and demands answers as to why the father acts this way, why nobody exposes the father, why cops and court don’t do something. Why does everyone let him continue manipulating others and hurting people, why doesn’t someone one make him stop, why isn’t father in jail for child abuse and abusing others, why don’t cops or court care when they know father is doing this, are questions my child demands answers to but we’re not allowed to give. (Remember, with a lot of autism people, things are often seen as black-white, right or wrong, do or don’t do. People knowing evil is occurring and doing nothing is irreconcilable.)
So, to stay in compliance with court, I can’t discuss father’s felony record (my kid heard it from Sheriffs multiple times because he was within earshot). I can’t discuss about why his father cons people pretending he’s a fireman, veteran, or cancer survivor or dresses up in the uniforms. I can’t answer questions about why father takes our child on his dates and makes child lie to his girlfriends and step-mother about it. Even when the father lied to my child and claimed he got me into the military (I’m a real vet) and I laughed aloud, the most I could explain to my child is that, in America, no one gets anyone else into the military; it’s a volunteer basis, or in time of war you can be drafted.
What I may do is validate my child’s frustrations, anger and mistrust (“I see you are frustrated by this. I’m sorry you feel this way.”), but I can’t respond to questions about it. Neither can the therapist. To do so, the father screams “parental alienation.” Anyone letting father know our child spoke about him, and our child is physically, verbally and psychologically punished. What about the bruises? He claims he was just playing with our child and Sheriff must accept the answer although they’ve finally started writing suspicious circumstances on reports after fingerprint bruises on throat, arms and above knees of our child.
So what is the effect of not being allowed to answer these questions and statements of our child? Our child trusts no one. Not therapist. Not teachers. Definitely not courts or cops. Everyone, in our child’s eyes, is complicit in father’s crimes and hurting people because no one will make father stop… including Mom.
There’s no easy answer here. It’s a Catch 22 in our family court system and the perversion of the “parental alienation” by manipulative abusers.
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Hello Erinlum – What a nightmare! I feel so badly for you and your son.
the following organization may help you:
California Protective Parents Association
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