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Hi Donna
Firstly, I would like to thank you for all your articles and videos, they have helped tremendously. I just need to vent a bit so here goes:
I kicked my soon to be ex out about 2 months ago. We were together for 37,31 of those married and 6 kids. I was abused in every way and he cheated continually with prostitutes and whoever was available. The last straw was when I found out that he was living with another woman for months while working in another town. I told him I never wanted to see him again and filed for divorce, which is on hold due to Lockdown.
Today he sent texts saying that he will be coming around on Monday and that he loves me and will never give up blah blah blah. I have told him countless times that it’s over and he just doesn’t get it. I have a lot of debt on my name, loans that I took out for him and now he is not paying them. Also rent is behind. My grown kids help me with money for food and chronic medication.
Since I threw him out my depression has lifted and the pain of fibromyalgia is so much less. Even my relationship with God has improved. And then he starts with this nonsense. I told him to stay away and that I wouldn’t open the door for him. Eventually he said he wouldn’t come, but the “so sorry I hurt you and I love you etc” started again. Why won’t he leave me alone? Maybe his new woman saw the light and dumped him, I don’t know. I just want my peace and joy back -
bernadette- He wants power and control. You might read ‘Husband, Liar, Sociopath’ by O. N. Ward. She divorced a sociopath and he takes her back to court.
SG
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bernadette67 – It’s called hoovering (as in the vacuum cleaner) – he’s trying to suck you back into the relationship. And yes, it is possibly because the new woman threw him out.
It would be best not to talk to him at all. That is what “No Contact” is all about. No Contact means no contact. Do not respond to him.
We have lots of information here at Lovefraud – keep looking around. The more you educate yourself, the more prepared you will be to deal with him.
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Hi Bernadette – that was great that you kicked him out. Good for you ! Now you can just ignore the lying cheater and get on with your life. As the other posts recommend, read good books about psychological abuse and access other means of information. I really love watching Donna’s You Tubes. She addresses many important subjects each separately so it is a great way to learn. They are not long and at the end of each, she answers questions that people submitted during the talk. That makes it really interesting too. Keep involved in the Love Fraud community, because we all really do need support when going through a break up with an abuser. I think it would be good for you to post what you are going through ( if you want to ) so we can give you feedback, and then you will know that there are survivors who understand what you are going through. Again – great job kicking him out !
Blessings
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