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I have read a lot about how to cope and heal after a break up with a sociopath and nearly ever site or page mentions cutting contact completely. But I work in the same building as him and I don’t know if I should leave my job or not? I have blocked the number and social media of my ex who unexpectedly and unexplainably broke up with me around three weeks ago after three years in a relationship. As I mentioned on another Topic in the forum, he was a compulsive liar and extreme gambler during the relationship, telling horrific and sometimes unnecessary lies, had previously stolen money, made fraud bank statements and was fairly controlling. However, I truly loved this man and would’ve wholeheartedly moved mountains for him. I helped him out with a lot of his debts by calling up loan companies and reducing payments. I sent him to gambling counselling sessions and assisted him in blocking himself from betting websites and shops (although I know he can simply change this back but it was a step in the right direction). I moved him in with me and my family who treated him like one of our own, despite all the upset and lies and debts. We helped him through so much, from weight loss (he was largely overweight)and to helping him manage loans and insecurities. I honestly thought that he was the one and if we could get through everything we did, we could overcome anything and build a future. After this shocking and unforeseen break up, I have realised that I had been dating a sociopath for three years and all the lies and deceit wasn’t normal and he was probably only with me for money. Despite all this, I’m in a hard situation that I work in the same place as my sociopathic ex and see him a few time’s a week as he’s a sales man on the shop floor. I’m being so strong about moving forward from what’s happened but when I hear his voice or see him, my heart goes 100mph and I begin to doubt myself in moving on because I temporarily have a flush of feelings for him all over again. Is this natural? I hope he’s okay but on the other hand,I don’t want to care and force myself to walk on. How can I deal with this? Will it get easier? Should I leave my work place in order to move on? Is there any way of coping with this? I remind myself of the lies and cheating and that makes it easier to look away but I’m harding to just fall out of love,even if it’s easy for him or if it was all fake and fraud. Any advice?
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It is good to have distance from the ex. If changing jobs is an option you might consider it.
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harry1997 – The best healing comes when you are totally away from the person forever. If you work in the same place, it may get a little better for you, but anytime you see him will be difficult. You could begin to think that you can be “friends,” and then maybe he really isn’t a sociopath, and then you could find yourself involved again.
You are right – none of this bothers him. In all honesty, finding a new job is the best approach.
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Harry1997,
Not sure what type of work you do, and if you feel you could find a new job. But if you can I would do it. SO hard to be around these people and not get re-suckered into the relationship. They will almost always come around again and try to get you back into some sort of relationship, so they can use you for some fun. And generally, each time you re-engage, the abuse and lies get worse.
You really just don’t want to listen to a word they have to say, or believe the ‘image’ they are putting out into the world. Anything they are doing or saying is either a straight up lie, or a mix of truth and lies. If you do stay at your job you will need to put up a very strong mental boundary, and ignore everything you hear and see.
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Very good advice.
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Great advice for anyone in this situation.
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terrific advice.
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Absolutely true.
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Excellent advice.
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You can pretend you are in a steel suit of armor.
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harry- Hope you are O.K.
sg
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slimone- Always good to see your posts.
SG
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harry- check in when you can
SG
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harry- sending good vibes.
SG
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harry- take care.
SG
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slimone- Advice is always good.
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harry- Hope all is good.
SG
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Truly good advice.
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