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LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Please join the movement

Last week I spoke to a Lovefraud reader who, like most of us, had a terrible run-in with a sociopath. She’d learned the hard way about these human predators, and wanted to warn others about them. She was thinking about making a YouTube video, and asked what I thought of the idea.

Although I applaud this reader’s desire to educate the public, I think it’s very difficult for one person with one YouTube video to raise awareness about sociopaths. Back in 2009, it was estimated that there were 120 million videos on YouTube. According to YouTube’s fact sheet, 24 hours of video are uploaded to the site every minute.  It’s easy to get lost among all that content.

Still, I agree with the woman’s objective—that’s why I founded Lovefraud.com. That’s why I wrote my book, Love Fraud How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan.

I believe that raising awareness of sociopaths is one of the best things we can do to improve our world. Sociopaths are probably responsible for most of the ills in our society: crime, violence, neglect, abuse. Sociopaths with political power start wars. Sociopaths with economic power exploit workers, defile the environment, ruin companies and defraud customers and shareholders. Sociopathic parents cause untold pain for their children. Sociopaths who portray themselves as religious leaders cause incredible spiritual damage. The ways in which they wreak havoc appear to be limitless.

We know this, because we’ve lived it. But millions of other people are still clueless, which means they are ripe to be victimized. To solve the problem, like-minded people need to work together.

Lovefraud goals

When I launched Lovefraud in 2005, my goal was to educate people about sociopaths so they could avoid being ripped off financially, like I was. Since then, however, I’ve learned from all of you that the problem of sociopaths is much bigger than I originally realized. I learned about the travesties that go on in family courts. I learned about victims suffering from PTSD, and murder by suicide.

It’s time to shine a bright light on this disorder. These people are causing way too much pain.

Today, I am asking you to join this effort.

I have a lot of goals for Lovefraud. Here are some of them:

1. More books. Based on what I hear from you, I have a list of about 20 books that need to be written. One that I’d like to start soon is about the signs that you’re dating a sociopath. Next is a book about recovering from a sociopath. Much of what needs to be said is already in Lovefraud Blog articles and comments. It just needs to be packaged in an easily accessible way.

2. High school education program. Dr. Liane Leedom and I are laying the groundwork for a program to be offered in high schools. It will have two components. We will present programs to high school students on sociopaths, including information on bullying and dating violence. We anticipate that after hearing our information, some students will realize that they are involved in situations like we describe. So we’ll also educate guidance counselors and staff about what to do if students approach them with problems.

3. Charitable foundation. Sociopaths routinely wipe out their victims financially. I’ve seen so many heartbreaking stories on Lovefraud, and, from time to time, readers wanting to take up a collection to help. I agree. We should do this. But it needs to be done carefully, with a way to make sure that requests for assistance are legitimate. After all, sociopaths live by the pity play, and the ultimate despicable irony would be donations from Lovefraud members going to support con artists.

4. Professional development. Unfortunately, many therapists, lawyers, judges and other professionals who deal with the fallout from sociopaths do not understand what is really happening. Countless readers have told me that they’ve gone for counseling, and the counselor had no idea of what they were talking about. After her experience, Dr. Liane Leedom felt that her training about sociopaths was inadequate, and she attended some of the best medical schools in the nation.

5. Con artist database. Readers are always asking to post information about the sociopaths who victimized them, hoping to prevent others from being conned. I want to do this. In my opinion, exposure is the only approach in dealing with sociopaths that really works. I’ve heard from quite a few people who have Googled someone they were involved with, found them profiled on our True Lovefraud Stories, and ended the relationship. Lovefraud needs a con artist database. This initiative, however, will be expensive, and I’m not sure which will cost more—the technology or the legal fees.

Lovefraud to the Next Level

So how, exactly, will Lovefraud accomplish these goals? The keys are awareness and sustainability.

Awareness means getting the word out: Sociopaths exist. Here are the warning signs. If you see them, get out.

You can help build awareness on a grassroots level, and in upcoming articles, I’ll tell you how.

Sustainability means making Lovefraud financially viable—right now, it is not. Funding Lovefraud has cost my wonderful new husband, Terry Kelly, and me about $85,000. As you all know, my sociopathic ex wiped me out, and I’m still not out of the financial woods, so coming up with that money was difficult. Terry and I believe in Lovefraud, so we did it. But we can’t keep doing it.

If you want to help keep Lovefraud going, the fastest and easiest way to do it is to buy a copy of my book in the Lovefraud Store.

This post launches a new series called, “Lovefraud to the Next Level.” In upcoming articles, I’ll ask you to join me in raising awareness, in educating the public, in helping victims become survivors. I want Lovefraud to become more than a website. I want it to become a movement.

There’s so much to do. Please join me in taking Lovefraud to the Next Level.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

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66 Comments on "LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Please join the movement"

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I agree with you Donna about “it is difficult” to get the word out, and I am so glad that your book has been such a success, and that you have arranged to get on several TV shows, etc. and of course lovefraud the blog is a success as well, but there is so much to do that 100 books, 100 more blogs and 100 more TV shows would only scratch the surface.

What I think we CAN do, and it isn’t going to educate the world, but we can as the opportunity comes up, speak about psychopaths to willing listeners, educate professionals we come in contact with, suggest that they educate themselves….and teach our children, friends and families.

Domestic violence (which about 75% of the abusers are considered psychopaths) have always and will always be a problem in society, but awareness has been raised in western culture that this abuse of women (children and men) is not okay. That doesn’t wipe it out, but hopefully it reduces it. Bullying, much of which I think is done by people high in psychopathic traits, is now being targeted in schools as unacceptable.

We’re moving in the right direction in Western culture, but not all parts of the globe are following. In some cultures and places women are still considered property. There is still slavery practiced in the world, primarily women and children, as both economic and sexual slaves.

None of us individually can “fix” the world, but by joining together with others who are like minded, both on the web like here at LF and in RL by volunteering at DV shelters and other organizations, we can change just a corner of our world, and added together, those little corners make big progress!

Thank you, Donna, for all that you have invested in getting the word out! God bless.

Great post Oxy!
Donna,
I recently had a thought that you probabaly have the connections and power to do, that I don’t have. With October being DV month, we should have a spath awareness week in it, or since that would be almost a year from now, find another week sooner. Get all Dv shelters, volunteers, web blogs, authors… Everybody to support spath awreness week! Have respected professionals speak to law enforcement, dcf, judges, attorneys and get the word out that Prince Charming isn’t so charming after all and these people really do exsist. You have the power to get with the National Domestic Violence Association and get their assistance and go on national TV and make people aware! Just a thought! Sleep on it!
Not the crazee one
PS> Let me know if I can help in anyway!

Donna,
Didn’t I see you on a national network tv show? Was it Lifetime, Oxygen or Oprah? Oprah is who you need to get involved with this! Who would belive in “sociopath” term? Dr. Oz? There has to be a recognized/televised professional of some kind that does! We know the victims recognize them. Maybe that’s the angle…. with people in numbers that have been victimized that are looking for endorsement for this! Stand united for recogniton, support and endorsement.
I’m not the crazee 1 !

It is odd to me that a person will say “My sister, brother…lover or friend or ex-husband seems depressed” which is a medical diagnosis and no one bats an eye, or “John is an alcoholic, or has a substance abuse problem” (again a “diagnosis”) but almost NO ONE, even professionals will say “He is a psychopath” —and I would guess that 99.9% of the population don’t know what a psychopath is or is not, and most think he/she is a serial killer.

Even professionals don’t agree on the name….and in mental health professional circles it seems to me that there is a GREAT reluctance to “label” some one “Cluster B” or “Axis II” because there is really nothing that can be done to “cure” or “control” it.

Back in the days when I worked in a freestanding mental health clinic with chronically mentally ill, probably 1/3 to 1/2 of the people I saw had Axis II criteria in ADDITION to the depression, the bi-polar, ADHD or other mental health problems but SELDOM was it on the 2 inch thick chart I got from previous providers…as well as long histories of criminal behavior, substance abuse, abuse of spouses/children etc.

We had great numbers of court ordered “anger management” clients from DV convictions, most of which were I think full blown psychopaths! I think statistically 75 % of DV abusers are considered “qualified” psychopaths.

Yet, most of the professionals there—PhDs, MDs, and Advanced Practice nurses were reluctant to hang the “Axis II labels” of a personality disorder on a patient.

Personally, I think that Axis II diagnosis explains a lot of the problems with these patients because you can medicate and therapy-ize til hell freezes over and these people do not get better. These clients do not do any real changes but only “make progress” and “relapse” over and over and over. Give me a good old crazy client any day who sees thunder and hears lightening, whose TV talks to God and who wears an aluminum foil hat to keep the FBI from hearing their thoughts. I can medicate him/her, arrange for a sheltered environment, and the person can live a reasonably normal life, but a psychopath will never improve, never get better, only more cagey, more manipulative and learn to work the system better.

Donna, considering “where you started” you have made GREAT progress in getting the word out—thousands if not tens of thousands of people have heard or read about psychopaths from the work you have done, and it will keep on helping others. I know you would like to have every person in the universe learn about psychopaths, but what you have ALREADY done is marvelous!

You know if a person rescues ONE person from a rapist/robber/mugger they are on television and get a ribbon from the mayor, but YOU HAVE SAVED COUNTLESS PEOPLE from God knows how much pain….and through those people you have educated, their children have received education….and safety.

Sure, you haven’t “saved” everyone who has read here on LF or read your book or heard you on TV, we each have to SAVE ourselves, but you have spread the word, preached the “gospel of lovefraud” and the word is getting out to educate, comfort and help others to HELP THEMSELVES!

There are so many smart people here on LF, and that is one thing that attracted me to LF over the several other blogs out there…smart people, good articles, great support, and an open and safe atmosphere here at LF that I have not found in any of the other blogs.

The gratitude that not only I but so many others have for you Donna is huge. The QUALITY of our lives is improved….and it isn’t just my life, or Joe’s or Sue’s or Jane’s lives, but the lives of those we touch. The validation I have received here has been what has kept me coming back here for over three years, because I learn something new every day…something I can apply to my life. Plus, it gives me an opportunity to feel like I can “pay it forward” to help others who are coming here every day as injured and raw as I was when I first came here.

The first six months or so I blogged here on LF I sat for hours every day with tears streaming down my face as I read or posted. It felt like I had come “home” to a “family” of people who did understand what I had been through. Where I no longer felt so stupid that I had been conned over and over and over by psychopaths. You, Liane and others here are were lights I could look toward to see that I wasn’t alone in my pain and grief, or the most stupid person in the world to have been so misled by those I loved.

Lovefraud helped me make the decision which was so hard for me to go NC with my egg donor and realize that she wasn’t my “mother”—because mothers don’t treat their children like she treated me. LF helped me realize I didn’t have to stay around and consent to the continued mental and emotional abuse, and as “smart” and as “educated” as I was, I was BLIND to that fact.

As some one said here the other day I had “learned to function in my dysfunction.” That one sentence describes my life prior to LoveFraud—thank you Donna, for everything you have done for me by making Lovefraud possible, and I know I am not alone in having been helped to sanity…I honestly believe that through LF you have saved sanity as well as literally my life.

So, Donna, don’t get discouraged about the book not selling (yet) as well as you’d like, or not getting on Oprah (yet) because you have already done SO MUCH GOOD that the level can’t even be computed! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your work and support!!! God bless.

Great post Oxy!
I haven’t been here that long. I do know that seeing Donna on Tv is what made me find LF recently and help me find all the heaing, sanity, secutiry and all that you found in the beginning. I too cry in between trying to type and blowing my nose. I am such the BIG supporter of this I want to see her get national recognition for spath awareness week. She has done so much good so far, she needs to keep going!
I’m not experienced with being a journalist or marketing, I am an operations brain… that’s why I say she is a genius that has created this and needs to go for national recognition. How can we help? Oxy I read recently in what I thought was an old post of yours ( please correct me if I am wrong)

Yes, there is some anger against the “system” in this post and in my heart, but “all progress is made by dissatisfied people” so maybe WE can as “dissatisfied” people with the justice system can raise enough of a voice, along with all the others who are also dissatisfied with it, that some SENSE can be brought to bear on the release of violent criminals wholesale .

Let’s be dissatisfied with where ever the weak link is or the donught whole is to get this out, Donna’s book sold and awareness to people!!!

Oxy.. the reason I remebered that was because of the community “bad guys” I am swatting at, I told you about them.
PS. According to what you wrote this disorder spath isn’t recognized by the medical field?
Not the crazy 1 !!

notthecrazee1,

“Psychopathy” as a diagnosis doesn’t exist, it is called “anti-social personality disorder” and the definition of ASPD is similar to but not identical to Psychopathy (also called sociopathy) and the name for the “moral insanity” (also an early definition of it) has changed along with the definition over time.

The DSM-IV is the “diagnostic manual” for psychological illnesses and disorders with the criteria for each “disease” or “disorder” listed like “must have 5 of the following 8 criteria for a least a month” to qualify for diagnosis X, but just because someone has diagnosis X doesn’t mean they can’t also have Y or Z.

I won’t go into it all here (go back through the archives and read the articles about the disorder here and on the DSM-IV and the proposed DSM-V) and order some of the books about psychopathy that are written by Dr. Robert Hare (and other books in the LF library). This is not a simple disorder and it effects aspects of every culture and social network in the world.

It impacts on DV child abuse and every other kind of crime known to mortal man.

There are all kinds of organizations against “psychopaths” from MADD, to different DV organizations, to AA to Al-Anon and parents of murdered children, so it IS being attacked on several fronts by different groups. We can get involved in any number of those groups and make our time and efforts count.

I do have a lot of anger against the family court system, read the article here about Dr. Amy Castillo’s children being murdered by her X husband after he threatened to kill them to get back at her and then did so after the judge gave him unsupervised visitation—and her situation is not all that RARE. Parents kill their kids to get back at the other parent. They kidnap them, etc.

So yes, though I am excited about educating the world about psychopathy, I realize that regardless how great our “cause” is, just like MADD has not been able to stamp out all drunk driving it has raised awareness….and Oprah has worked on educating people not to text and drive (DUH!? that is a no brainer!) Each of us can work in our own little way even if we are not Oprah or president of MADD.

When I was 18 I thought I knew all the answers to every ill in the world, at 63 I know I don’t know all the questions much less the answers. I do know and acknowledge that “life ain’t fair!” But I AM ONE and I can do what ONE can do, and join my voice with other ONES.

My late husband’s favorite saying was “all progress is made by dissatisfied people.” He was an engineer and all engineers ARE crazeeeeee though! LOL

Dear Donna,

1st and foremost I want to thank you for taking your horrifying encounter with a Sociopath/Psychopath and creating this trully informative and supportive web site and blog that’s helping so many vicitims. I am one of the people that came here about a year ago and found tremendous releif and support reading all the articles and letters to finally realize what was so terribly wrong with the man I loved and the crazy hell of the relationship I was in, that’s just about destroyed me.

I eagerly bought your book and I’m in the process of reading it. I am mezmerized and shocked at the level of ruthless abuse and betrayal your former husband could stoop to get his way. The book reads like a novel…bravo for your courage and tenacity to uncover the betrayal and shed light on this dissorder. I can’t wait to get to the part of how you took this horrifying experience to an opportunity for spiritual growth. This is the stage I am trying to be at now, only I keep discovering more betrayal all the time.

I applaud and support all your efforts to get Lovefraud to the Next Level and your book off the shelves and into more hands of readers. Please note that I have been recommending this site and your book to a few people that I think have experienced similar horror stories and would greatly bennefit.

I’m amazed also from my own personal experience with the medical society, my former therapist, how little she knew about this disorder and in the process minimized my experience. I recommended Lovefraud to her to read and she did not!

You are a sucess story and so you will continue to be!
God bless….

Aeylah

How important it is to get the word out. I having been through what I have experienced am trying to educate my daughter, I have 4 of them. I never want them to go through what I have gone through! Nor do I wish this on anyone.

Finding this site has been my refuge. I wished I had found it many years ago. No one I know understands what I am talking about. I hope to God none of my friends/family ever do. Being able to come here, especially tonight, has been my saving grace.

I know the educating about psychopathy is something I would be interested in seeing and helping in the cause. We may not be able to save the world, but if each one is able to influence or help just one other person in the world before they end up in these abusive relationships, they are one less statistic. One more victory for spreading the word and one less for the sociopaths to target.

Thanks Oxy for the explaination! Whew! Makes wanna hold by breath!!!

LOLOL at your late husbands qoute! Being familair with manufacturing that reminded me of a cartoon
It said:
This is what sales ordered… blah blah
This is what engineering drew…. blah blah
This is what production made…. blah blah
This is what the customer wanted…. blah blah
Each blah blah was a completely different cartoon picture of the product. I hope you can visualize that.
With my corporate experience engineers are different but: all they want to do is FIX it! LOLOLOL!
Time to retire!!!! Bless us all here!!!

Donna,

What you have done with LF is a gift for all of us here. We are so grateful to connect with people who “get it”. Other sites I went to were not nearly as helpful. That Sam Varkin character has info everywhere, some of it was dead on and some was misleading. There is also a site where it says they recovered from his narcissism and can show us how to do it to! Really? Truely? The prognosis for narcissists is pretty abysmal.

This site has been the gift that keeps on giving and I hope you will be able to continue it for years to come. Many, many thanks!

Oops..Double post..
Please see my comment below.. : )
Thanks

My two cents:

Dont underestimate the power of youtube..
It’s all in how you link and/or connect it to the sites you
Already have going for you..
You can make them yourself,and the initial quality is not as important as the content.
You may want to stick with the question/answer format,and touch on some of the topics in your book..

I think it’s a great idea,and I am already very aware of another author/”movement forerunner” who is making big bucks doing exactly that..
I will be happy to explain more if you are interested..

Be open to the idea,is all that I will first tell you.

This site had been very cathartic for me,and I look forward to touching base here now,on a daily basis.

I believe a “movement” is probably easier than you think..

And any way I can be of help..Let me know..
Thanks

Truelove

Dear Donna,

Although I am not in a position to support the LF cause financially, I absolutely and utterly offer moral support, and more tangible support by posting LF links to my site. And I’ve brought up and raved about the LF site and your book, and emailed links for them, at every opportunity.

You’re spot on regarding the YouTube video, however, I still would encourage the reader to go forward, depending upon the investment of time & money in order to do so, since every little bit can help.

All your points in this blog post are hopeful. As for ending up on Oprah, I’ve written to her and a bunch of other shows & networks to suggest programs on this topic, and have named you specifically among a handful of others who may be perfect guests to speak about it. (For anyone else who’d like to request this topic coverage and/or that Donna be asked on, there’s a list of contacts easily accessible at
http://www.sociosibs.info/awareness.htm#media.)

Recently I became a television producer ”“ not as big a deal as it sounds since anyone in my city can do the same via public access TV. Finished a couple of classes already so that I can use the equipment, including camera, lighting, and sound. So I’m on my way. My first show is on this topic, first episode on my sister. Assuming there’s a 2nd & 3rd and so forth episode, I’d be honored if one were your story.

These shows air locally on television, and are livestreamed on the internet. To see how far along it is (not very yet):
http://www.PublicAwarenessMedia.info or
http://www.publicawarenessmedia.info/performance/tv/pofas.htm

And then there’s a new radio show on Tuesday afternoons/evenings on this very topic. It’s a 1 hour program starting at 4:00 Pacific, 5:00 Mountain, 6:00 Central, 7:00 Eastern times. It broadcasts from California, but it’s livestreamed online at
http://www.kbeach.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=39

Thank you for all you’re doing, at considerable expense of funds and elsewise. I hope you’re able to keep it up.

Cheers,
SocioSibs

One more thing:

I apologize for not having read your book,
and I hear you when you say you need some help,here.
Thank you for your sacrifices.
We appreciate what you are doing.
You have helped so many already,and I for one am very willing to help any way I can to make people aware and more careful of who they get involved with..

I like your idea of promoting “the movement”,and have listed a few things you may want to consider.(If you haven’t already,that is.)Hopefully this will be seen as helpfulness,and Not criticism.That would defeat my purpose.

I think you must be prepared to provide several “solutions” to people.
In other words..just letting people know that the spaths are a crazy lot,avoid them at all costs,etc…
May not be enough for most people..

1.Telling a battered,misused woman to leave her abuser, is one thing.
And I believe it is part of what makes this online community so powerful,is the positive support and feedback from it’s members..
(It is healthy,and loving to help a person leave a dire situation.)

2.Telling the world to “avoid” a certain type of person(the spath) may very likely be looked upon as some sort of prejudice,unless with this information,you are prepared to provide people with some type of hope for solutions and alternatives to Help the spath.
(Trust me,people Will ask you for this,so options and ideas that will also help the spath,are important to look into.Particularly since there is little in the way, at present,for a medical solution.A list of some recent experiments to help spaths would be one way to address that question)..

Most people do not want to hear about a problem without possible solutions.
People blood-related,or connected lifelong to spaths(since there are so many in the world),
most likely will want to find help for their spath family member..not to
be told to avoid them,or run from them.
AND,even though WE know how gravely a spath can affect your life,
it may be considered persecution of a certain “type” of person.

I Love this website,and am ever so grateful that you have dedicated your life to this,and creating it as a movement.
As a matter of fact,Im not sure what I would’ve done without it this past few months.
Being able to vent,and talk to people with similar experiences,and learn how they overcame them,has been the best solution I have found,personally.
I Will order your book before I post any further ‘advice’,ha ha..
(And I doubt you have overlooked these things,if I wasn’t aware.If thats the case,I apologize)
But I would love to see more ideas explored on how a spath may be helped.
(Some articles I’ve read on the internet,have suggested that early childhood guidance helps,others I’ve read suggest that they may eventually arrive at a helpful form of medication..)
Dont know,just wanted to share some ideas.
Thanks for asking,and
Thanks for reading..

PS-
From the (AA)Twelve Traditions:
AA is not allied with any sect,denomination,organization,or institution,hence the AA name ought Never be drawn into public controversy…
(Alanon contains the same tradition.)

Sociosibs;
Nice post…..check your email.
🙂

Donna, I’m in!

Hi Donna,
I have talked to you by phone after the sp that i had been living with beat the hell out of me and left me violated with a broken cheek bone, several cracks in upper and lower jaw, black eye, and (wierd) but when he hit me i blacked out and a week after he assaulted me and after the swelling had gone down a bit there was a cord mark around my neck, not hands!! I was unconscous but the injuries on my neck were indicative of being strangled with something thin, like a cord. The man who did this to me is in jail but i worry that he will get out and come back and finish the job!!! The good news and my point here is that i work pretty close with a wonderful victims advocate that works for the DA’s office that i could introduce your website and your LF book if you would like? My e-mail does not work when sending e-mails to you the way you have it set up. So i would like to register to win one of your lovefraud books. Not only would i like to have it to read for personal use but i am getting counselling through a university with students and interns and i think that since they are just starting with their careers that they might like to learn about LF. Also the victims advocate Who’s name is Lisa Wright might be interested also. When i mention that my ex-bf is a sociopath she sais “yes that some people are institutionalized” but runs over the word sociopath. I would love to enlighten her and the university of this condition and maybe someone who will be treating victims like myself will see the corrolation between DV and sociapathy?! Just an idea, let me know what you would like me to do? light and love, Cathy

The DA’s office have sooo many victims of this type of abuse that i beleive LF the book and LF the web site would be beneficial to everyone that they come in contact with. Caylin/cathy

Dear Donna,

Thank-you so much for all of your time, trouble, and sharing your life by getting the word out about psychopaths.
I met, and married, a psychopath in 2007. God led me to your Lovefraud Site and used it to get me away from all the heartbreak that he put me through. I didn’t know there were people out there like him. The day I heard about your book, I ordered a copy. My heart broke to read about all that you went through, thanks for being so honest. For the past two and a half years I’ve also been writing a book about my experiences with a psychopath.
I’ve been praying about what to do with my book. Today I read the last post from Ox Drover. Her last line said, “You’ve got the perfect opportunity since you already know her. GO GIRL!!! TOWANDA.” I don’t know who she was referring to, but since my name is Wanda, I took it kind of personally. Maybe it’s time to help get the word out there. I’m with you, Donna
Keep up the good work, it is VERY much needed.

Dear Caylin.,

I’m sorry your victim’s advocate doesn’t get what a sociopath is, I think this is a great teaching moment for you.

Print off a couple of the “what is a sociopath” articles and take them to her, or get her a copy of Dr. Bob Hare’s book “Without Conscience” you can get used copies from Amazon for less than $6.00 each including shipping. The reason I am recommending Dr. Hare’s book over Donna’s at this point (the first book) is that he has the PhD and the professional clout behind his name that because Donna is not a medical professional isn’t behind hers. Not to belittle Donna’s book in any way, but if I were going to give a book to any professional, I would START with Dr. Hare’s book and then follow up with Donna’s book.

Tell and show her that a psychopath/sociopath is NOT just an institutiionalized serial killer, but your every day domestic violence abuser.

For people going through the divorce process with a psychopath I would start with Dr. Hare’s book, then go to the “Legal Abuse Syndrome” and if they had children the book by Dr. Leedom “Just like his Father.” along with recommending her website “raising the at risk child.”

Always as well the “what is a sociopath” articles here on LF which I think are great reading and also promote LF and if the person llikes the article, will come back here to read more.

YOu can also recommend the proposed DSM-V manual which is on line now for comments so someone can read about the (new name) anti-social/psychopathic type personality disorder (I think I got that new name right!) The “anti-social” part makes them sound to me like a hermit, who doesn’t want to be social, but I guess since this was a “reworking” of the previous bad name “anti-social personality disorder” which again, to me sounded like a hermit is progress in that they included the term psychopath which is I think the most universally recognized term even if the definition in most people’s minds is “serial killer.”

ps Caylin,

I can’t remember where I got the statistic but maybe you can google and find it, but 75% of all DV abusers are thought to be psychopaths. THAT is a significant number. For someone who deals with DV and doesn’t know what a psychopath is, she has a big hole in her education! Get in there and plug that hole!!!!You’ave got the perfect opportunity since you already know her. GO GIRL!!! TOWANDA

Donna,

I STRONGLY suggest you put a DONATE button on your website. True, a revenue option for you is your book, but it’s not the ONLY option. The challenge with your book is that while many of us raced off to buy one of your first copies, it’s not exactly something you can by 10 copies of and give away as Christmas presents. A loyal LF follower may by one or two and give one to a friend, or family member who has witness the tragedy, but you NEED to give people another WAY to give you money.

And give you money they will.

You need your DONATE button (VERY easy to set up through PayPal) to be on the top left of your menu bar. They click on DONATE and go to the page where you talk about WHY the money is needed and where the PayPal DONATE button is. This will be the single easiest way to for LF users to demonstrate their appreciation.

PLEASE, PLEASE consider doing this option.

WE NEED YOU!

How does the book selling industry work?

I live in a very small town in the middle of nowhere, but we have 2 or 3 good bookstores,

I’m thinking about putting copies on the shelf and only getting paid when they sell. Like a consignment shop.

If readers could buy a few copies each, walk into stores and talk to the mgrs it might get things rolling at a grass roots level.

Another option would be to do an audio book and make it available for free for a single play or reduced cost etc….

Are you giving away free copies to shelters, libraries and such?

Just a few quick thoughts I had.

Donna,
I do not believe that any life LF has touched fails in the deepest level of gratitude for what you have done here. And it is a powerful response to a real human need for understanding.

That said, the issue of monetizing your work is an understandable problem.

In any new venture, there is “sunk cost” and that means money not recoverable to the entrepreneur which is a distateful, but real problem.

Book sales are one revenue stream, but you need others to keep going.

Looking toward who has vested interest in the success of the venture is a way of scanning where funding can come from. The Therapy and Counseling professions have vested interest because many people here are their clients or will be.

Have you considered working with Steve and Dr Leedom to run a subscription based thread for pros?

Divorce attornies and family law specialists have a stake in this population because they too are paid by the people who come here. A subscription based expertise thread for that arena may also be a potential revenue stream.

And finally, have you approached grant sources? In order to do that you may need a demographic survey of your users- Are we rural or urban residents, age, income etc…

I wonder why the American Medical Association and many of its aspects would not be a source of funding and partner- There must be mental health associations with the ability to help you fund.

The operating costs must be significant.

I hate to think that the next victim may have to go it without this resource and there are more everyday.

A very, very good plan for reaching out to people in need, my not on its own be a good business plan. And if you need a revenue model, think now in terms of business planning.

It sounds like for you and for Terry, its past time….

OxDrover,
Yes i do see the window of opportunity here. This is not my 1st BBQ! I have been involved with this type of person since i was a child. I just never really saw the correlation between the DV abusers, the emotional abusers, the pedaphiles, the liers, the con-men, and the psychopath….. But oh boy!!! there is more than a correlation here. I bet it is safe to say that out of all the family, friends, lovers, associates, and even babysitters that atleast 75-80% are sociopaths that i have had the misfortune to know and be affected by. Up until now i kinda kept everyone sepparated in their own little sub-catagory…… Example: There were the child molestors (called pedaphiles) in my book and i knew that THOSE type of abusers would always re-affend. Then there was the womanizers who simply had no respect for women, I never paid that much attention but i had never seen one change either. Then there was physical abusers who beat on women and children and i have always thought that just like a dog tasting blood, once they got that taste they would never be right again, craving more blood,etc… Then emotional abusers who picked on anyone who was weaker than them but have learned that it isn’t long before that emotional abuse turned physical and escalated just as in a rapist, with the escalation from fantasy to the real deal……. But now i am being forced to see one very important correlation between them all!!!! They are all sociopaths. GEEEZ…. So after meeting and having had the misfortune of having a relationship with each personality type, the physical abuser, the passive agrressive behavior pattern, the pathological liar, the emotional abuser, the narcasist, etc… I was sworn off of each type of person without knowing that they are all the same person wearing different clothes!!! They are all sociopaths, DUH!!!!! Kind of scary because, yes, they are all very dangerous to our mental, physical and financial health and they come in every type and they are everywhere. Thank god for this site and all of you here that support us…. Light and love, Caylin

Donna,

When I was starting to figure out that the h-spath might actually be “off”, I discovered your web site (last fall), and as I read the articles and the posters’ stories, I was shocked, being able to totally relate to their experiences (about sociopathy). Other people had “walked in my shoes” – they described some of my own experiences plus the emotional fall-out that occurs (I was a basketcase). I had started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life, doing a lot of crying at every session, but I never felt like he “got it” (about sociopathy), that I was living on the edge, feeling like I could collapse at any moment, but I couldn’t do so (I had to take care of my family). I had to force myself to be strong, endure. Your web site is a godsend. I will order two books (donating the extra book to a library) and would happily contribute financially to this cause, getting the word out about this disorder.

I am in and already do recommend this site to anyone. I have you on my facebook. I will buy your book. I believe in supporting this site as I think there are a lot of people out there who need to know about it. A lot of people come here after the fact. They’ve been through the wringer, they are devastated, they search for help, they find Lovefraud as I did.

It would be nice to get people aware of the site and reading the material before they get entangled with a sociopath, or even more prevalent these days, cyberpaths. That’s where I met mine.

Trouble is, someone who hasn’t had the experience will probably not understand the depth of pain, but the more awareness there is, even a bit of curiosity, it’s got to be better than no awareness at all.

I truly admire people like Donna who believe in what they do and never give up doing it.

Anything I can do I will. I am based in the UK where there seems to be little if any support around sociopaths. I ended up with an online counsellor who lived in South Africa who understood the pain and could help me. In the UK, counsellors don’t seem to have awareness of what a pathological relationship can do to someone. Or they are few and far between.

The support I see in this site is phenomenal. It’s literally a life saver.

Thanks to all who put so much into it, and to Donna who keeps it alive.

LJ

Amazing you came up with this idea. I am already wriying a book, which I was gong to ofer to you to sell, the proceeds of which would help folks abused by sociopaths ad predators.
Count me in!
When my manuscript is complete where do I sent it?
Melinda

Donna, I admire your spirit and courage to keep up the good fight.
It isn’t going to be easy, because sociopathy seems to dominate, but as long as we know how to spot them – that’s the KEY – we will be able to stick together. They will try to divide and conquer and cause drama among us. That’s how we will recognize them. And also by the pityploy, raging, charm-lovebombing.
We asked the question: why does the sociopath do good things sometimes? and we answered : they are faking it.
But maybe more important is: why do good people do BAD things sometimes? Usually there is a sociopath ensnaring them, but I’m still confused because it seems like the good person wouldn’t behave that way if it wasn’t in them already. The question is important because when a good person behaves badly, we forgive them, but this temporary lapse in judgement is the excuse that the sociopath hides behind. “oh, do you think I’m inconsiderate sometimes?” (that’s what the exP asked me)
Everytime we act like them we are giving their mask more credibility and making it more difficult for us to be able to spot them.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Donna – THIS is beyond beautiful! 4. We do get revenue from the Google ads appearing on this website ”“ and more revenue if you click on the ads. So please, go ahead and click. In fact, if you see a dating ad, click on it, get the url, and then send it to me so that we can block it.

I am linked to Lf via fb. I often leave comments on news stories about spaths, recommending lovefraud, and whenever their is a teachable moment, I take it. The most recent – agreeing to be a resource for a friend who is worried about a friend who has started internet dating; and having a long conversation about Russell Williams and sociopathy, and the media’s handling of his verdict and sentencing, with a cab driver who was listening to a radio report about him.

Donna,

I had already wanted to buy your book, just adding an extra one to the cart! A lot of times, I’ll take books from my own collection of books and donate them to the library. At least in the future, your new book can be found at one of the libraries in our city.

My ex-sociopath went to the same behavioral clinic that i did. it wasn’t until I kicked him out and went through the slandering and stalking that one of the therapists identified him as a sociopath. I had no idea what i had been put through, After googling, I found Lovefraud…it all became so clear.

I may not post here too often, but I never would have been able to get the help I need for PTSD and increased Anxiety Disorder if it wasn’t for Lovefraud. I never would have known what hit me. God Bless you all.

Dear Donna,
and Everyone Who takes the time to Post here. I am so grateful. When I started my search, most of what I found was WEB MD or clinical sites. The way I found this site is someone (I think my sister) saw a program which mentioned “Dancing With the Devil”. and that’s what I googled. Which brought me here. Thank you all for the insights. I am getting an education. I did not have a total devastation to this relationship, perhaps it was my corporate world mentally that kicked in. I have always tried to stay above the fray of the dog eat dog world.
Donna anything I can do to further your cause I will. Let’s have a forum and see what all of our rich talents can bring to the table. God Bless Stay Strong, Stay Safe and Stay Sane
Seeing Clearly Now

By the way, I am a very competent and talented 52 year old artist and antiques restorer. I may not always project myself very well, but this ex-spath devastated me. I never knew there were such people in this world. This person was a ‘friend’ for 13 years before he was about to be homeless and I let him in my home.

Lovefraud.com not only has useful references for identifying sociopaths and other invaluable information, it’s the only site I’ve found where readers may comment about their experiences and discuss with each other what they’ve learned by sharing the knowledge they’ve acquired to help others. Those just discovering the site are met with supportive, understanding readers who “get it,” and it helps us feel less alone. Until you’ve experienced a sociopath, you might think it can’t happen to you, and after it does happen, you’re in a fog, not knowing what to do or where to turn. I was lucky enough to discover Lovefraud.com early in my search for explanations and answers. I am thankful that Donna started this site when she did, and it is evident that many hours have gone into getting the word out since 2005. I am also certain Lovefraud.com will continue to grow in recognition as I believe it already has in less than a year since I found it when searching online. Let’s all be part of raising awareness in the movement of taking Lovefraud to the Next Level!

yes, the ‘fog’. Thank you.

Hi Donna,
Great idea! We need to get the word out as much as we can. So many people are unaware that there are people like this. I thought I was mature and bright, yet I had never associated with a sociopath before. The experience has taught me so much. And Love-fraud let me know that there were others dealing with the same “stealth emotional abuse”. I believe the number of sociopaths is increasing. I see it with my teen/young adult children and their relationships. I now have the tools to educate them.

Donna,

I didn’t discover your LF book and website until two years after my divorce from my ex, the sociopath. Now that I have, I finally feel like I can begin to heal. I have a much clearer understanding of the disorder, the man, and even myself. I often wish I would have discovered the truth about him, and the information provided here sooner. Then I could have begun healing sooner! Maybe I could have gotten out of the relationship before so much damage was done and I lost almost everything. For so long, I felt alone and so sad. I can’t talk to friends and family about my experience because if a person hasn’t been through it, they simply don’t get it.

Then I think about all of the victims who are still stuck. The ones who haven’t figured out who they really married. They know something’s wrong but just can’t figure out what it is. They may know they need to get out but they’re hopeful things will improve. Or they’re ready to leave but don’t have enough emotional support to follow through.

I am positive that the work you have done so far, has saved lives! I am so grateful for your work, your time, your desire to educate and support the victims of sociopaths. Please do whatever it takes to spread the word. Consider me on board with whatever I can do to help the cause!

Folks…I heard a comment on the John Tess radio show that sent chills down my spine. He was talking about teens, and especially girls who are now in or have been in abusive or controlling relationships and thought it is NORMAL. Scary..we need to be diligent and stop (nip it in the bud) this. As a mentor of mine use to say there comes a time when you draw a line in the sand—you’re either in or out. Decision time has come. Donna I will send you a check for up to $1000.00,
(one thousand dollars) of matching funds from readers that will contribute for the next 48 hours. Post where the funds should be sent. This is our time and place to make a difference. The marathon starts now. Let’s ROLL and keep on ROLLING for ourselves and our daughters and sons who should not have to endure any of this crap. I have searched for a reason this happened to me because I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it finding this site and this cause. Let us all work together to expose these theives of our time, love, emotions and money. I’m serious about this, I’m mad as h— and I’m not taking it no more. See you at the finish line. I am Seeing Clearly Now.

Dear Jazzy,

I just last year culled a person from my rolodex that I had been friends with since college days, and one I considered a GOOD friend….for a bit of greed. He isn’t a psychopath, but he IS dysfunctional and when I saw that little bit of greed come out (over a lousy $56 dollars). I have no desire to have anyone like that in my life.

Last January/December (about the first of the year) I sent my biological son packing because he LIED TO ME—not over anything “big” or “bad” just a LIE that if he had told me the truth over would have been NOTHING AT ALL….but he LIED. I do NOT tolerate lies from anyone. It hurt like a Sum-b1atch to realize he had lied to me, over “nothing.” But I wasn’t about to make an excuse about why it was “okay” or how I could “trust him” again. NO MORE, not ever again. He’s a grown man. I don’t hate him, he isn’t a psychopath, but he is a liar and I can’t “do” liars in my life.

Sure, you may have to work with them, or live next door to them, or your best friend may marry one, but YOU do not have to let those people inside your EMOTIONAL CENTER OF TRUST.

One of my and my son’s closest male friends is married to a drama queen that we completely detest, but if we want to visit with him, we sort of have to be around her some, so we do, but she is not inside our “circle” of intimate friends, she’s just THERE to be endured in small doses, if it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t even say “hi” to her walking down the street.

I’ve learned to set boundaries—both physical and emotional boundaries–so that people who are liable to hurt our use or abuse me in either of those ways are never allowed close enough to swing a “punch.” (Physical or emotional)

MEDIA ALERT!!! Did you guys see the internet article this a.m. about the Scam with the Holocost? Unbelievable… however we all know this is all to common on a smaller scale. Let’s fight back. Please read my comment above. Action speaks louder than words. A good day to all. I’m off to earn a decent living. DO GOOD TODAY. Stay Strong Stay Safe and Stay Sane. Best Always—-Seeing Clearly Now

SeeingClearly, wow, what a wonderful offer you’ve made!!!! I would make a donation to keep things rolling!!

I wish there was an easy way to warn people about sociopaths. My ex is out there on Plenty of Fish – still being his bottom feeder personality and preying on his new conquest. He is out for someone new to help him since he will be losing his job shortly and needs medical coverage – I am sure once he finds his “fish” he will reel her in, move in and probably marry her (especially if she has money and willing to part with it). He cheated on his ex-wife and cheated on me. How do we warn others without a law suit being put against us? I have been told his people don’t like me because of the way I treated him – but I just got wise and fed up with the lies and finally stood up to him – so I am the “BAD, CRAZY” person – even though his sister in law warned me he was a sociopath. We even went for professional counseling and he LIED to the counselor – turned it around that it was all my issues and in my mind!!! I told him he should be a professional poker player since he can look someone dead in the eyes and lie.

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