Editor’s note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, encourages you to rebuild life after a toxic relationship by staying positive. Read more about Liberty.
By Liberty Forrest
I don’t read the paper. I don’t listen to the news. In fact, I’ll go a step further. I won’t read the paper and I won’t listen to the news. There’s so much torment and tragedy, murder and misery, nothing but story after story about man’s inhumanity to man, about horrible accidents, Acts of God that cause death and destruction.
And especially given that I’ve spent more than enough time in my own life dealing with the damage and pain caused by life with sociopaths and selfish, abusive, destructive people. Do I really need to hear every possible rotten, awful thing that has happened out there? Does it add anything to my life? Will I be worse off for not knowing about these terrible incidents?
No.
I figure that if there’s anything I really need to know, like the sky is falling or Armageddon’s happening after dinner on Tuesday, someone will tell me. I told a journalist friend once that I thought I ought to start up a newspaper that was full of only good news. He said it wouldn’t sell because people want the blood and guts (my words, not his, but that was the general idea). He said good news doesn’t (or wouldn’t) sell papers.
Read more: How to recover from a sociopath
He was wrong. There are plenty of successful online newspapers and magazines that are loaded with positivity, happy news, and uplifting stories. Some of us want to be surrounded by positivity. Some of us want to know the good news, the happy events, the wonderful moments and miracles that are happening in the world. Some of us want to be uplifted by the beauty that exists in the perfect stories of love and kindness that are taking place around us, especially when they happen between strangers.
Some of us prefer to be connected with light and lovely positive energy that allows growth and movement, rather than heavy, oppressive negative energy that keeps us stuck and stagnant. And if you’re already trying to lift yourself out of the negativity of Life After Sociopaths, the last thing you need is more dark energy.
I refuse to give attention to the negatives in my life or my environment, above and beyond what is absolutely essential in order to deal with certain issues. Beyond that, negative thoughts are chased away and replaced by positive ones. If I find myself wandering into contemplations about anything that is distressing or upsetting – particularly if it’s nothing I am able to change – I dismiss it, focusing instead on what I want – and not on what I don’t want.
I’ve spent – or rather wasted – far too much of my life enduring and choking on negatives already. I refuse to give that rubbish any more of my precious moments because they would only harm me. They would not add anything to my life; they would only take from it. Well, they would if I let them. But I won’t.
Instead, I am immersed in sparkling, radiant, shimmering, positive energy of the purest kind. I close my eyes and imagine myself being bathed in it. I will not feed the demons that thrive on negative energy; I let them starve to death, bloody tormentors that they wish they could be, if only I would allow them to ravage my life the way they used to do. They tore and clawed at it until it was in shreds, lapping at the dark red pools beneath the carcass of any dreams I might have had.
Learn more: The miracle in the madness—a pathway to healing from destructive relationships
No, there is no room for them in my life, my heart, any part of my being and they are unwelcome beasts. I have banished them from the sacred space that is Me. I am far more powerful than they could ever hope to be and they shall not destroy me again, nor shall I allow any more destruction of my time in this life.
Why would I choose to do anything else? Unless, of course, I had some burning desire to destroy my own life, my own happiness and wellbeing.
All of us have complete control over what we think and how we respond to anyone or anything. As we rebuild life after a toxic relationship, we have complete control in deciding where to focus our attention and energy. We can choose to make our lives better – or worse.
I know what I’m choosing. How about you?
This article was originally printed at LibertyForrest.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.
If There’s a Way into This Mess, There’s a Way Out
Thank you Ms Forrest – I wholeheartedly agree. My Mom always taught me that it is not so much what happens to you that is important, but how you react to it. I have been accused of being a “Pollyanna” all my life – and although it was flung at me as an insult, I did not take it as one. There is nothing intrinsically awful about trying to put a positive spin on life. I know people who dwell in misery, constantly bring up the horrid things that happened to them, refuse to forgive others or themselves…and they are miserable, sad, stunted individuals. Sometimes, I must admit, it takes a bit longer to dig myself out of the pits of self-pity and regret, but I work at it every day. Like you said – it IS a choice. On particularly difficult days I write down my angers, woes, regrets, sadness and put them in a little jar I call my “Pity Pot”, then I do something I love – take a walk in the woods behind the house, stand on the porch and listen to the rain – or better yet, watch a thunderstorm make it’s way over the ocean, call my sister, cuddle up in a warm blankie and read a book – whatever it takes to bring me out of myself.
I’ve always loved this story:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
I doubt, after over 20 years, if I ever have another relationship..I still shy away from men, even ‘nice’ guys..I dont trust them not to be two faced..when they’ve got you..Friends..maybe…there are many married men, who want ‘something on the side’..and stay married! No way…Or those who are separated..but not divorced…No way. Ive learned that being single, sure beats being in a BAD relationship! I like my freedom, to come and go as I choose to..