Steve Becker interviewed about narcissists

Lovefraud author Steve Becker, LCSW, was interviewed on Internet radio recently on the topic of narcissists. He explains the primary indicators that someone may have narcissistic personality disorder, and the destructive ways in which narcissists treat their partners.

The discussion is very informative. To listen to the interview, click the link below. Note: The horizontal purple bar under the headline is the audio feed indicator. There’s an arrow, barely visible, on the left end of the bar. Click the arrow to listen to the program.

Steve Becker, LCSW: It’s [not] all in your mind, dear

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60 Comments on "Steve Becker interviewed about narcissists"

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I remember how difficult it was, when the fog was just beginning to lift, to hang onto the reality of what he was doing and saying. As long as we doubt our own eyes and ears, no recovery is possible.

It helped me to write lists and keep them in various locations–my purse, my desk at work, on the refrigerator, on the mirror, by the phone, etc. I’d write a list of what I was certain he did. I’d write a list of what I suspected. (Turns out it was much, much worse, but I didn’t know it at the time.) I’d write the list of “Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths” from Martha Stout’s book. It really helped.

I am ashamed to tell how much repetition it took until I was finally able to break free of his mind control. I re-read the journals from those years and I am absolutely mortified by my own gullibility. Month after month after month, I’d write “This is it, this is the last straw.” Over and over and over. Two full years of it.

Pansy, it seems to me that you are doubting you own perceptions. Part of you accepts his “it was just sex talk” explanation. That’s not “sex talk,” that’s a death threat.

I absolutely agree with everyone on this thread who says that the bad guy in Pansy’s life is toying with her, setting her up for some retribution of his own design.

You simply cannot engage a person like that in any way. Other people can tell you these things, Pansy, all of us on LF can tell you, but until you convince YOURSELF, you can’t escape.

And as Oxy’s story illustrates, first you must survive. Even if you have to jump in your vehicle and flee for your life, DO IT. Trust your instincts. You must protect your own life. No job is worth your life. No home is worth your life. Nothing material in this world is worth your life.


I agree, that is better and more important than the advice I gave. Forget about asking for an investigation. If you do that, it should wait until you are in safety and situated in another state, and in a good place mentally and emotionally. Then you can decided whether to pursue, or like me, decide you just can’t put yourself through that.

My N/S/P made a rape threat against me, about forced sex where I would not be able to scream….and I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t. About 3 months later he did what he had threatened. And still I stayed. The mind games they pull on us are unbelievable. Like Todd, I’m amazed at how right I had it sometimes, and then how I would back down from that.

I thought I had read an earlier thread which someone had posted “highlights from the interview”…di I miss that????


I have found that the more ‘bizaar’ acusations and threats must be taken seriously.
They tend to drop hints on whats to come. You must pay attention to the ‘words’ and find the meaning behind them.
Don’t tread lightly with this one.
Keep yourself safe, on ALL levels……

I loved this radio show! Steve- your articles are great and I loved listening to you on the show. I also liked Martha and intend to return to her site as well. I really appreciate your careful explanations about narcissists and NPD. My husband is more of a N/S. I wish I knew about this years ago because it has been driving me crazy for years! It’s only been in the past few months that I’ve finally realized what he is and I am planning to get out. That is- I am planning to move to another state and have NO CONTACT with him or anyone he knows. And yes!- It’s so hard to be with someone who is very narcissistic but everyone loves him! It does make you doubt your own reality. His attitude of entitlement is unreal! And when disappointed he does respond with rage, contempt, and passive aggressive behavior. He has even said “Well I had to get back at you for what you said/did.”.Yes, everyone is expected to cater to him at all times. No one is “allowed” to complain about him and his absolute and total laziness, or lack of responsibility. He also uses the silent treatment. It used to work. It doesn’t anymore. I don’t want him in my life and can’t wait to get out.


Listen to these people here like Hecates Path, OxDrover- they have been in your shoes and know what a psychopath is capable of. You ARE in extreme danger! They know! I would take their advice. I am taking advice offered here because they have already been through it! I am still learning and so are you. Forgive yourself for what has happened and move on. You are worthy of love. We all are. We don’t always believe it. God Bless You!

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