By Darlene Nolin
I wrote my new book, Involved with a Cad for 7 Years in the Twilight Zone, so that I could gain some peace while going through my journey of healing and recovering after marriage fraud and abuse. It enabled me to move forward with my life in a more positive direction. I wanted to shine a bright light on a very dark chapter in my life, instead of sweeping it under the rug.
My story is an eye-opening cautionary tale exposing the devastating consequences of predatory foreign nationals who initiate internet relationships for the purpose of obtaining a green card through marriage to an American citizen. It was an ill-fated relationship marked by indifference, adversity, deceit, betrayal, and endurance.
I take you through my marriage with my foreign national ex-spouse, who went from charming to alarming to harming. During this insidious union with nefarious intent, I discovered that my marriage was one-sided and only for the purpose of securing him a United States visa, then a green card.
Read more: Is your partner a sociopath?
I felt as though I had a responsibility to myself as well as others to speak up and share my experience. By doing so I hope that it prevents others from embarking on a journey similar to my own. I wanted to help others recognize that they are involved with an online predator — one who wears a charming mask of deception — so that they can take action to end the insanity before it starts, in order to prevent it from going any further.
U.S. immigration fraud
I felt compelled to make some noise about U.S. Immigration marriage fraud – to give some small measure of justice for those who were and still are victims of the system and survivors of predators.
I found myself in a hopeless situation and abandoned in Europe for 6 years by my friends and family who refused to become a co-sponsor for “his” U.S. visa application. They actually saved my life by refusing to do so, and I needed to make this a known fact in order to save others from a similar or even worse fate.
While I was living in Europe for 6 years in a third world country, I found an online American Expat Facebook group of American citizens who were also married to European nationals. They also could not return home because no one would co-sponsor them either. I befriended a woman from Cambridge, Massachusetts who was also married to a foreign national from the same country as my ex-spouse. My ex-spouse severed the relationship that I had with her behind my back when he found out that her spouse divorced her after he gained U.S citizenship.
I also learned that the U.S. Immigration law Financial Affidavit of Support (form I-864) has been on the books now for a long time. It was originally put there to protect United States citizens from foreign nationals preying on them for a green card. However, it can also harm the U.S citizen if they do get their spouses visa application approved. By then they have entered into a legally binding contract with the US government, and they are now financially responsible for their foreign national spouse even after they are divorced.
Consequences of marriage fraud
Although I do not, and I never did consider myself to be a “his” victim, I am a survivor of psychological, emotional and financial abuse – and marriage fraud. My scars were invisible, and, on the inside, I was not okay.
Learn more: Escaping the sociopath and rebuilding your life
My book also highlights that severe health consequences can and did develop as a result of years of abuse. Putting your life back together after such an experience is a long road. Although it is starting to show some signs of improvement, it is a journey that I am still on four years in the aftermath.
By writing my book, Involved with a Cad for 7 Years in the Twilight Zone, and sharing it with the world I hope to highlight the dangers and risks of embarking on an online relationship with a stranger.
~Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do. ~
Even after the sociopath, you can choose hope and recovery
Darlene, I am so proud of you for this amazing accomplishment (your book) & for helping so many others! BRAVO!!
On your darkest days and nights you pulled yourself up out of the hell that this predator sucked you into.
Congratulations of your book! Amazing strength you have!!
Have you watched the show “90 days fianc’e” on the TLC channel?? It’s about American’s dating foreigners and the foreign gaining a visa for 90 days but they must marry in that time frame. Most are after the green card. Sad. Your book will help others. You might want to posted it on the TLC Facebook page under their 90 day fiance post to get much deserved attention for your book. (you can also find their videos on you tube maybe post there too this is a very important subject that you have written about).
Merry Christmas. Take care.
Jan, thank you so much for the information. I have never watched “90 days fiance” on the TLC channel, but thanks for the heads-up. I did go there and leave my calling card. https://darleneanolin.com – While I was there, I couldn’t help but notice some of the obvious and open displays of impending marriage fraud. My book has researched information about the 90-day “fiance visas.” I wanted to inform people also about another side to immigration marriage fraud that they don’t see. US Immigration marriage fraud that takes place overseas. Again, thank you for this information.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy, and very prosperous New Year!
Darlene
How scary! I am so glad you were able to extricate yourself from this scammer – and to write a book about it – amazing! It should be required reading for anyone who gets involved with people from out of their country. My first experience with this was from the “other side”. Back in the 70’s I worked with a woman who apparently made a lucrative side-income by marrying and divorcing foreign nationals – when I knew her she was on her fifth husband. She would charge them thousands of dollars to deal with the required paperwork, visas, marriage certificates, etc. until they qualified for citizenship, then divorce them. I asked about the “personal” side – she claimed sex was not part of the deal and they paid for all of her expenses, rent (they had to co-habituate), as well as a hefty fee. It seemed to be a beneficial relationship for both but sure smacked of the shady side. I am not sure if Immigration ever caught up to her. I am looking forward to reading your book!
Yes, Emillie it was scary. I would like my book to be required reading for the school curriculum. Awareness is key. Knowledge is power. Your ex-coworker could have faced a hefty fine and some jail time for committing marriage fraud. That is also in my book. My story is also a little different than most because it happened mostly outside of the United States. My book shows both sides of the coin about at home and abroad US Immigration marriage fraud.
Happy Holidays!