By | December 31, 2010 76 Comments

Wishing you a happy, healthy and peaceful 2011!

It’s a New Year—another opportunity for a new beginning.

Of course, some of us have already embarked on new beginnings. I am always amazed, and gratified, to watch the journeys of recovery of so many Lovefraud readers.

People show up in tatters—betrayed, shocked and devastated. They gradually come to grips with what has happened. They seek help for extricating themselves from terrible situations, and the Lovefraud community offers advice, information and moral support. Eventually, feeling stronger and wiser, they turn around and help the most recent new arrivals, who have also shown up in tatters.

So here we are, in different stages of our healing journeys. Sometimes we slide back, but we are making forward progress.

I hope that in 2011 we all grow in strength and resolve. Let’s commit to:

  • Taking care of ourselves.
  • Heeding red flags when we see them.
  • Listening to our instincts.
  • Recognizing our own self-worth.
  • Walking in the direction that we want to go.

When we believe in ourselves, anything is possible. Happy New Year!

Posted in: Donna Andersen

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Happy New Year Donna & Everyone at LoveFraud 🙂

Make it a good one! ( with no spaths! )
Been great knowing you all thus far.

Ox Drover



Thank you, Donna, for this gathering place & sanctuary, & for the list of resolves for 2011. I’m going to commit to those the best I can & I’m adding these for myself:

*Leaving bitterness, anger, & regret behind.
*Consciously looking for all that’s lovely about life.
*Waking up every morning & going to sleep every nite in gratitude for all my blessings with positive expectations for every minute in the future.
*and always remembering, “He’s gone! & there’s nothing left to do but Smile, Smile, Smile!” 🙂

Happy New Year to ALL of my friends & fellow travelers here at LF. And as the Irish say,

“May the road rise to meet us,
May the wind be always at our backs,
May the sun shine warm upon our faces,
The rains fall soft upon our fields and,
May God hold us in the palm of His hand.”


Dear Donna,

Thank you for Love Fraud, having come here “in tatters” last winter. Your New Year’s Resolutions are ones that I can apply to myself, especially liking the one that say’s, “Walking in the direction that we want to go.” God Bless all who travel this rocky road.


You have made such a difference in so many lives, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Happy New Year my LF peeps!

super chic

Thanks Donna!
Happy New Year to you and yours! 😀


Hi Donna. This site has been wonderful, without it I would not be where I am today.

So thank you for helping me (us) to make sense of our trauma and for showing us the way forward.

Thank you too to all of the ‘family’ on here for their support/advice.

I think GP’s should have this site on prescription!

Happy New Year


Thank you Donna….I hope 2011 holds some magnificant opportunities for you and Terry!!!!



Thank you everyone on lovefraud for accepting and helping me out through the toughest situation of my life. I still find it hard to believe that there are good people out there who are trying to literally rescue me, unconditionally, like my family did. I will always appreciate all your kind words. Big thanks to Donna, one step, ox, Skylar, katydid and many more who have tried to lead me to thr right path. Perhaps in time, I’ll be okay. Right now all I have is hope for me and many others suffering out there, I do believe that good things happen to good people. God bless us all and hope that 2011 is a spath free year for us all!


I have exactly one year behind me. A year of healing, growing , and learning to like myself. After a 15 year destructive relationship, leaving me dead broke, with two kids to raise. I have used this site as my refuge. I never had to tell my story because I go to this site and I read my story in each and every painful blog.I have learned that misery may like company but company does not like misery so I keep my woe’s to a minimum. It took me a year to take hold of the fact I knew I was with a social-path long ago and shame on me for thinking I could fix him. What best advice I took from this site is he is and always will be what he is and he is someone elses pain now. I am angry because I feel Karma has knocked me to the ground broke and broken, and he has someone else with lots of money showering him with the good life trying to fix him now. He laughed when he told me she knows he is a broken man. He was mocking us both.
I have seen the light and I rejoice at the wisdom I have gained. I deeply thank each and every one of you with your wisdom shared. I have spent this year on my knees praying to my God and God is Good. Happy New Year my friends, keep this site alive, I believe it has been a life saver. 2011 will be a great year. For anyone coming in as I was a year ago…. all I can say is figure it out this time or you will keep getting the same lessons handed back to you until you get it right. God Bless us all and let God get revenge.

Ox Drover

Dear SueK,

I’m glad you are here and glad that you have received healing and comfort from this site. Like someone said a few days ago, it is the WORST CLUB, but the BEST PEOPLE if you need to join! That is so true, but I would add that the lessons we learn will be good for us in the future to protect us and also to help our children learn what to avoid in this life!

God bless and keep you for the new year. 1/1/11 (won’t be those numbers again for a while!


HAPPY NEW YEAR to ALL on here!
Donna, you took a terrible misfortune in your own life and used it to help SO many people in this world….words cannot
express how grateful I am that I found this site…

My “NewYears resolution” is to be TRUE to myself. To be TOTALLY confident in myself and my GUT FEELING and to trust it.

I will have the best year ever….because…all of my problems with socios, in my life….have been because of my LACK of confidence in WHO I AM….and NOT trusting my GUT FEELING.

I will listen to my BODY….when it doesn’t feel right…it isn’t.

NO MORE DOUBTING my inner “GOD” that tries to protect me.

Thank you ALL for saving my life….Donna, Oxy, Kathleen, ErinB….Skylar and all who I don’t have time to mention…

OMG…I am so BLESSED to have all of you.

LETS MAKE 2011 an better year than the last!

HUGS to all! 2B


Hi Donna,

Just added lf to ‘stumbledupon’. Have been mentioning it comments on other blogs and news articles this year.

I know that it’s been mentioned before and i want to check in to find out if there is a resource being developed for schools. Is there a workshop or a presentation, a plan for getting into the schools in development?


since this is the ‘new year’ thread I thought this was the best place to share this: i felt joy last night. as i prepared for my annual new year’s eve ritual i felt joy – it warmed my heart, and i felt its open spacious quality in my body; i could feel the smile on my face.

i don’t remember the last time….

i took a lot of the spath stuff off my computer this week. and i think i had a bit of a reaction to it. a fear of letting go of the familiar, a fear of the void. i did a bit more research on a different search engine and found out some more details about the spath (cost to my life: 30 minutes); and posted some educational responses about the nature of her disorder on another site where people were publicly commenting about something she did. I noticed that comments i had made a few months ago had been deleted/ marked as spam. This is probably her doing. (cost to my life: 20 minutes and feeling slimed by the eivl of her.) And I also contacted someone and asked them to post about her con of them, in another public forum. (cost: 15 minutes, and a questioning of myself – WTF am I doing???)

Today i recognize these actions as reaction to letting go – a taking back that cost me over an hour, SPACE in my head, a feeling of being slimed by contact – and i didn’t see my behavior coming. But maybe i will the next time. I need to prepare myself every time i let go of another thing about the spath – THERE WILL BE A VOID, and i may react to that.

just in the last week or so, i have become interested in the voids in my life – curious about letting them just ‘be’ – because with the voids, there is room for ‘new and right’, and i have become a little bit excited about the possibility of ‘new and right’ health, work, experiences, and maybe even people. People still scare the f*** out of me, but i am getting a bit more interested in what the universe may unfold. that i can even use words, such as ‘unfold’ and ‘universe’ again, is HUGE progress.


January 1, 2009 is when I let the sociopathic snake release his posion into my system. I get a little stronger every year but every new year I know this is when this person began his devilish plans to take all that I had. I trying to move forward and put the hurt and pain behind me its so so hard. I have this hole in my heart that never seem like it will fill. I don’t like feeling sad so I’m working on it everyday. I don’t think there a time limit on healing, some days are better than others.
Being on this site since that happen to me have help me so, I want to Thank everyone for responding to me when I’m hurting an have to express my feelings because unless a person been through it they would never understand.
Hope each an everyone on this site Have a Happy New Year!!!!!
Peace & Love


Happy New Year Everyone!!


Thanks so much for establishing this website. It really is a safe haven for me & everyone on here. It has helped me so much, and for that I am so eternally grateful!!

Thanks again and let’s hope 2011 brings much love, peace, & healing to all on here!!



Thank you so much giving us all a place to learn, heal , grow and support one another..

.on the road to recovery!!.


I found this site a few weeks ago as I was trying to process the departure 4 months ago of the psychopath with my life savings. As stories go, mine is short and not violent or dramatic – 3 years of living together, growing efforts at control backed up with non-physical abuse, then the great escape. My devastation and inability to process or conceive of what had happened. I am succeeding in the legal case for recovery of my life savings, but I was unable to understand why I found “no contact” so very very difficult. I have moved up the learning curve very quickly with this site, and now I feel almost secure on my road to recovery. I am looking forward to a much happier year in 2011.


When we believe in ourselves, anything is possible. Happy New Year!

Echo in reply- the same to you,


Welcome muganji, great to have you on board. As they say around here, its the worst club with the best people 🙂 Here’s to your learning, best wishes to you and also to a brand new year to expand your knowledge and gain strength & wisdom. Keep reading and feel free to share if you feel so inclined. Hugs


Donna, I look forward to hearing how the presentations go! Good luck!


Dear Donna, dear LF-community!

I would like to thank you Donna for making LF possible. Even when I do know you just from “Cyberspace”, by setting up this wonderful place you had and have a significant impact on my psychical well being (although I know I have to do “the works” myself). Thank you!

I wish you all a very happy New Year and a 2011 that is successful in every aspect!

LF was and still is of tremendous help and support through my so far worst year in my life: lost my job by getting conned by a friend in March, moved in April, had a heavy car accident in July, my purse got stolen, I broke my arm and had water pouring from the ceiling in my new flat, all in December. But all turned out quite oK in hindsight: the new job I started in August is very good, in the car accident nobody was hurt and the new car I got from the insurance of my opponent is wonderful, and for safety reasons I commute with public transportation now which is a wonderful thing, the elbow has a cast and needs no operation, I can work 100% with it, and the stealing was in a moment of carelessness at a Christmas market in Switzerland which is no safe heaven anymore (it never was I am afraid, the newspapers were full these days of warnings that there are professional muggers around provoking dense crowds! I lost a small amount of money, and the worst is getting back all my cards, bank, security card, ID card, driver’s licence and the like, and the loss of my nice purse of course; but it is all replaceable).

Thank you all so much for being the lifeline for me, so that I am able to endure the “void” and not feeling too lonely and desperate. I try to see it as a pause of relaxing peace in the constant busy noise of life, but is not always easy at all.

((((Hugs)))) Libelle


have you considered a video of these presentations?
uploading them here or using them to get other schools interested are two options.



You sound resilent, and that makes me VERY happy!

lesson learned

Thank you Donna and to the contributers to this site who have written so many, MANY eye opening articles.

This place has been such a lifesaver for me and is helping me slowly put together the pieces in why I kept going back. There is a depth here in answers that I’ve received NO WHERE ELSE!!! I am so incredibly grateful and thankful.

To those of you who have taken time to post responses to me and encourage me, provide moral support and sharing your stories, you have no idea how much it means to me!! Or maybe you all do because the experiences seem just so shared. I have a feeling that this next year some wonderful friendships will be built here as I continue to walk through this healing journey. It’s still early in the process for me, but I no longer feel that there isn’t hope. This year means graduation from school for me, a long time coming. Lots of exciting things happening and I’m believing on that.

God bless you all and I hope everyone continues to inspire, heal and change!



Dear One,
best wishes back to you! It made me also happy to read that you feel healthier and that you can tolerate the BORE (aka void, pause, rest, silence, stillness, time to inhale, contemplation, meditation, introspection). Spaths cannot do that! We can outbore them!!!

In the middle ages they had the three fields farming: one field for crops over the earth, one field with growing plants under the surface, one field got a rest for a year to recover and was the fallow field. Let’s flourish and be fruitful after having been recovering at the fallow field!

Have you all a peaceful 2011! Libelle


I am so glad i found this website. Wish you all a very happy new year. Have you guyz watched this

It just Lifted me up !!!



Ox Drover

Dear Heaven Roaming,

We’re glad you found this site too. It is a healing [email protected]


libelle – this is the most beautiful metaphor for life cycles i have ever read: ‘In the middle ages they had the three fields farming: one field for crops over the earth, one field with growing plants under the surface, one field got a rest for a year to recover and was the fallow field.

I come form a farming background, and am a avid vegetable gardener, so have always been aware of fallowing fields – but this triumvirate you present is so… WHOLE! I am entering a root crop cycle! 🙂

super chic

HeavenRoaming, nice to meet you!
Thank you so much for posting that link,
I love that story, haven’t seen it in quite a while,
I think I’ll watch all 3 parts!! Happy New Year to you!


Nice metaphor, Libelle.
Not sure which cycle I’m in, maybe just leaving the root crop cycle, like Onestep. I can’t wait to bloom!


sooooo cool, thanks for that link. I love lions.


Dear ox drover its indeed a healing one . knowing that you are not alone helps. I have been reading on forums here but this was my first post. There are many people here who have gone through much more than what i have.

Shabbychic its nice to meet you too. you are most welcome Donna has done a gr8 service to the society by creating this website.

You were targeted by a sociopath this guarantees that you have a beautiful soul , loving, kind, generous …… the best human qualities.
what better place can there be to get in touch with our kind of people 🙂


you are welcome skylar. I am a big time dog lover
graduating to lions now he he


Dear Sky, that is the good thing about metaphors: you can choose what you like. In short: you cannot function 24/7/365 but every person/animal/thing/plant needs a REST!

For the technical inclined: you have to recharge the batteries, and while doing it you cannot use the cellphone etc.

“under the surface” means Carrots, Potatoes and the like, which is not bad either. And potato plants were used to embellish the gardens when they arrived in Europe. They have little yellow flowers. It is all about perspective 😉


Has anyone heard from Geminigirl? Can’t imagine her not wishing all Happy Holidays. The situation in Queensland is heart wrenching. Hope she and her family are safe.


Donna, I haven’t officially introduced myself as I just jumped in on one of the threads last week. Thank you so much for this site. I just ordered a couple of books that I am looking forward to reading this week.

Happy New Year to all



Shalom – Gem is on vacation in NZ.

Sky – I am just entering root crop! Putting down new roots, new stabilities, laying low, wintering over, etc.


Dear Donna,
And all the usual supects(i.e. EB,Oxy, Sky, One Gem and many many more who have contributed)
A VERY HAPPY AND JOYOUS NEWYEAR Let the work and healing continue.
Donna you know you have my support–let me know.
My Best to you Always—Seeing Clearly


Happy new year to you too Seeingclearly!

I read your note upthread about bottom feeders. I wonder if you sent Donna the IP address of the catfish, if that would be of any help? don’t know if she can block IP’s on wordpress or not, but worth asking.


Happy spath free new Year 2011 to all my wonderful LF friends!
Gem has a confession to make. I didnt go to New Zealand after all.Im sorry I didnt let you all know earlier. What happened was this. 2 days before we were due to leave for NZ, I was doubled up with acute cystitis pain. I was really in agony. I had to cancel the trip,-its non refundable but we can exchange it for another trip sometime before July 10th this year.{less a penalty fee of $60- each each way}.It wasnt just the bladder pain, I had the feeling some kind of catharsis was happening.What brought the whole thing to a head was reading a wonderful book by Sarah Strudwick, called”Dark Souls”, which is advertised on the LF book list. I heartily recommend it by the way to anyone who has lived with a spath. Its a very honest and helpful book. One thing Sarah mentioned was Psychic cord cutting, so I decided to try to get help to do this re my daughters, and anyone else who could still be tapping into my Psychic energiesfrom a distance..
There is a New Age type shop near where I live, and they have New Age practitioners who give readings.They let me ring one lady up, as everyone else seemed to be busy with families, etc, at this time of year.I spoke briefly to Kerry, -who does auric readings by phone and face to face.
She promised to ring me later that day, which she did.
She told me that everything went back to my Mum, and the poor parenting Id had from her,{narcissistic, controlling, manipulative, you get the picture.} All my other life choices,{most of them bad,LOL!} had come from her influence.
She urge d me to do my own cord cutting, which I did the next day, on my own, in my bedroom.
She told me that strange things could happen afterwards, and she was right,My brother Bill, who hasnt spoken to me in 6 years, sent me an email, a short one, thanking me for my Xmas e card.Not much but it was friendly, and at least he did contact me.
Next day I had AGONISING colic, almost like labour pains, -the gas seemed to go in a spiral, hitting my kidney area, then round to the front, round and round.
Eventually I got rid of it, and I remembered Kerry had told me my grief energy, instead of coming out thru the Lung and heart chakras, had got stuck in the 2nd lowest chakra,and was causin g all the pain.
So emotionally Id been stuck, and my energies were finally getting freed up. She said,”You must take responsibility for bringing all this stuff on yourself. she said my girls only hated me because Id hated myself.
Sarah Strudwick s great book was definitely the catalyst for all this good change.Shes certainly walked he walk!
I should have realised that even if we dont physically see the spath or spaths, they can still home in on our life energies and suck us dry.Sarah says thatwhat seems like cystitis pain can be mimicked by trapped energy in the lower chakras.
You must wonder why I didnt get back to you guys earlier,-well, i sensed I was in some sort of catharsis, and wanted to get clearer first. Im feelling a lot more positive now! Our Iranian kids came over on NY day, stayed overnight, had a good rest, nice food cooked by me, and we watched some great DVDs together. We all had a lovely time!These two are my REAL children now,I am so grateful to God for them.
So Mama Gem is back, stronger and better than ever! TOWANDA! And a happy spath free year to all of us!!
Thank you for you r thought s a nd good wishes, Im so touched you missed me!!
Love, and {{HUGS!!}} Mama Gem.XXX


Hi Gem,
Sorry about your trip. Glad to hear you have recouped from your sickness. Happy New Year! Spath free for sure!!!


Wow Gem, you sound different


Sounds like quite an experience! Cleansing for the New Year…..and beyond.

Probably much better for you than NZ right now…..NZ can wait….your health can’t!

Good for you… sound terrific!

Happy New year darlen.

Ox Drover

Dear Gem, I am BEAT from butchering for two days, and have to go to bed before I fall over, but just wanted to say I am glad that you are doing better and that you are looking forward to the new year! I’ll be back in a day or two when I have some energy! 12 hours on my feet doing hard manual labor isn’t as easy now as it use’ta be, but I stood up side by side, hour by hour with the young men and I’m proud of myself, They are moaning worse than me!!! LOL (((g’nite!)


GEM, I second sky’s ‘you sound different’.


🙂 🙂

🙂 🙂 🙂

..and now i am tearing up. I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!



OXY – yah, but THEY will be able to move tomorrow! Snort!
take care of your old bones!

lesson learned



Your post gives me SUCH hope!!!


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