UPDATED FOR 2024. You’re shattered. You thought you finally met your soul mate, the person you were waiting for all your life. This charming, charismatic and attentive romantic partner swept you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. It was good — no, it was fabulous — until it wasn’t. Now you know you had a romance with a sociopath. What does this mean?
Perhaps you were subjected to the “devalue and discard” routine. Or you discovered that your partner wasn’t the person he or she claimed to be. However it happened, you are heartbroken.
I talk to a lot of people, both men and women, who are, or were, romantically involved with sociopaths. They’re devastated, of course. But what is truly mind blowing is the level of deception that they experienced. What they felt as a true, heartfelt connection was, for the sociopath, nothing but a charade.
Based on my conversations with so many people, here are 10 facts about your sociopathic partner that you must believe, even though you don’t want to.
- Everything the sociopath said to you was manipulation. If it wasn’t an outright lie, there was certainly an ulterior motive.
- The sociopath’s objective from the beginning was exploitation. If the sociopath didn’t take anything, he or she was just looking for entertainment by playing with your emotions.
- If he or she acted in a helpful or caring manner, it was only to butter you up for later exploitation.
- The tears were fake.
- The proclamations of love and happily-ever-after were fake.
- All sociopaths really want is power, control and sex. Of the three, they want power and control the most.
- The sociopath intentionally isolated you, to make you easier to control.
- He or she knew you were hurting, but just didn’t care.
- Once a person is an adult, there is no treatment or cure for exploitative personality disorders.
- He or she never loved you. Sociopaths are incapable of love as we know it.
Learn more: Lovefraud Recovery Series
Lovefraud originally posted this article on July 31, 2017.
My journey through NPD abuse and the fight for my children
no. 7- the spath does try to isolate you.
This is me to a “T”. I’d arrive home to find chocolate on my door, or be woken up at 6am to the tune of I couldnt stop thinking about you.
As soon as we married, the week after the honeymoon, he had to spend time alone on his only day not working. He’d say he was running for coffee but 4 hours later and no explanation of where he’d been, took it’s toll on me emotionally. The isolation of not going to family or parties with me or not allowing me to be with friends for coffee was even harder.
The remarks that we’re put down to my self esteem…like you smell bad, youre not pretty or you should be happy someone as good looking as me married you were hard to take. I kept it going for 12 nightmarish years until our 9 yr old daughter said no more. Please divorce him…she had been under his radar since 4 and wanted out too.
Still fighting custody five years later but I’m free.
its sad, its infuriating, but its true. EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you tell a person like this, WILL be used as ammunition against you..endearments/compliments/loving gestures..all of it..it took me a lONG time to realize this. There were a few, just a few things I didnt confide to him..so glad I did. Everything he said or did, with you and for you, are bait..to lure you in, hook you and keep you under a thumb of control. I still dont trust others, not even friends..Im still afraid ‘the other shoe will drop’.