How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Donna Andersen

Why you feel so shattered by the sociopath’s betrayal

//  by //  174 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Just about all Lovefraud readers share the feeling of being shattered by the sociopath. You just can't get your arms around the experience. "How can someone who claims to love me be so cruel?" "Do you mean he (she) never loved me? It was all a lie?" "I never knew people like this existed!" When you first begin to realize that you've been involved with someone who has a serious personality disorder, you may feel shattered by the sociopath, like you've lost your bearings in the world and you're drifting. You've had your heart broken before, but no previous relationship compared to this. Even if you've managed to get away from this toxic person, you feel lost. …

Why you feel so shattered by the sociopath’s betrayalRead More

Why psychopaths talk so much

//  by //  44 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Psychopaths tend to dominate conversation. Many of us know this first hand, but the reasons why psychopaths talk so much have been documented in a scientific paper published by the Public Library of Science, PLOS.org. Researchers brought together same-sex college students in groups of three people. None of them knew each other. The students were asked to engage in small talk. The conversations were videotaped, and researchers later analyzed who did all the talking. It turned out that study participants with higher scores in primary psychopathy, as measured by the Levenson Self-Report Psychopathy Scale (LSRP), spoke more words and controlled the conversation more than …

Why psychopaths talk so muchRead More

The six-month relationship: He lied, I paid

//  by //  1 Comment

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Sharon21. she met a guy online. While he lied, I paid, she said. Names are changed. Whew! This is hard to revisit! I’m still very much in the healing process. I have listened to so many books, I have read so much on Narcissism, it has consumed my life. Until I experienced what I did, Narcissist was just a word to me. I truly believe the Narc I was involved with could lead the pack! It was that bad. I’m an empath. Hands down. I’m educated. I’m professional. I hold a Management position with a large corporation. I spend my days, caring for and helping the elderly. I’m a single mom of 3 kids. I was with …

The six-month relationship: He lied, I paidRead More

When there seems to be no escape from the sociopath …

//  by //  7 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud once posted the story of "Billyjean" in an article called Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck. She described how she felt like there was no escape from the sociopath. The headline pretty much sums up Billyjean's position. This single mom had thought she found a man who loved her. She married him, became pregnant and discovered he was cheating on her. Now Billyjean has a baby, no family support, and can't afford to leave. Plus, although her ex doesn't want to be with her, he also doesn't want to divorce her. He provides some financial support, and therefore feels entitled to show up at Billyjean's apartment whenever he wants, supposedly to see the child …

When there seems to be no escape from the sociopath …Read More

Bullying and harassment in an Episcopal Church

//  by //  2 Comments

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story of sociopathic harassment in an Episcopal Church, endured, amazingly, by one of the church’s leaders. Names are changed. My name’s Benjamin, and my same-sex spouse and I are the victims of a sociopath. Even worse, the sociopath is the priest who married us. My story begins with a well-known Episcopal church. When I arrived there in 2011, it was love at first sight. People were friendly and welcoming, and the church beautiful. Even better the rector, whom we’ll call Dave (not his real name), was personable and gave a great sermon. It wasn’t long before I was asked to run for the vestry, which is the board of directors in an …

Bullying and harassment in an Episcopal ChurchRead More

Sociopaths say they want love, but what they really want is supply

//  by //  32 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Suzette." She can't understand why sociopaths say they want love, when their behavior is not at all loving. It's strange, my brother (who I have no doubt in my mind is a sociopath), craves being loved. He bounces from relationship to relationship, using his girlfriends. Yet when he screws up, and has his girlfriend threaten to leave him, he acts so desperate! Desperate for human connection.  He tells me that he can't live without love in his life, and that he NEEDS a girlfriend by his side. I don't understand this. He's a drug addict, and he uses his girlfriends for support - and before he had any …

Sociopaths say they want love, but what they really want is supplyRead More

Moral dilemma: Warning the next victim

//  by //  59 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call Alfred. The subject line of his email was, "A moral obligation?" I'm two years removed from the brutal break-up with my ex-spath and all in all, can say I'm doing quite well and have recovered nicely! It was a LONG journey to get to the place I'm at and it's a relief to be there after two years of continual obsessing and ruminating - I've finally reached the point where I just don't care anymore. The shock of what I had in my life for 14 years has finally dissipated - the last emotion to go. That being said, I know I still have some work to do on myself as evidenced by my need to periodically check-up …

Moral dilemma: Warning the next victimRead More

Why relationships with sociopaths are so addictive

//  by //  196 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021. Time and time again, when I do personal consultations, people tell me how they struggle to break away from a relationship with a sociopath. It is not your imagination. It's hard to get away. Let me help you understand why relationships with sociopaths are so addictive. You know the involvement is bad for you. But even when you're not forced to interact with the sociopath — you're not married, don't have kids with the person and don't work together — you can't cut the cord. There are psychological and biological reasons for this, which I'll explain. Psychological bond Any time two human beings enter into a relationship, a psychological love bond forms. This bond …

Why relationships with sociopaths are so addictiveRead More

Yes, sociopaths can create a totally fake persona

//  by //  2 Comments

Editor’s note: Last year, Lovefraud published a letter from “Natalia20” entitled “The sociopathic singer and his many women.” She was with a guy for five years, and he was cheating with multiple women the entire time. Natalia20 has written to Lovefraud again with a question about her ex's fake persona. Although it has been more than a year since my break-up with my sociopathic bf of many years, I still have more and more thoughts coming. Highly spiritual man The latest one is this: I met a highly spiritual man who would start his day by Tarot card reading, always reading self-help or spiritual books, his flat full of crystals for protection/energies, burning incense, making rituals, …

Yes, sociopaths can create a totally fake personaRead More

Why did I want to hug the sociopath, even though I know he is bad?

//  by //  30 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2021: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as "amhealing2012." She ran across her disordered ex, and suddenly wanted to hug the sociopath. Why? Miss Donna, I spoke by email to you about 2 years ago about a guy I had been dating. You confirmed he was indeed a sociopath. I have had no contact at all for over a year and a half. Strangely he has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks, thinking I saw him and thinking about him. Today while coming out of the mall with my older daughter I heard his voice say, "I hope you found what you were looking for." I turned and there he was with that cute grin on his face. IF not for my daughter being by me …

Why did I want to hug the sociopath, even though I know he is bad?Read More