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I had a little girl with my ex. She is 4 months old now. I left him before she was 2 months. My ex is also a drug addict. I have tried to offer him 2 days a week with our daughter to start off because one of the many reasons I left was because he was so out of his mind on meth that he was hallucinating and he was down right frightening! So, until we have some trust built I feel like 2 days a week and him having to stay at his mom’s to be supervised is a good starting place. Well, of course he wants 50/50 custody. He doesn’t think he should have to have supervised visits. Am I being wrong here? The thought of him keeping my daughter alone at night scares me too death. It’s like my worst fear. And he knows this.. He will text me and if things aren’t the way he wants it he threatens more time with our daughter.. it’s like he’s using her. He said he is going to petition the court today for 50/50 custody. Is it that easy to do? We aren’t married but he signed the birth certificate and she has his last name.
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Amyloulou45, I’m sorry that you are dealing with this nightmare. You have amazing strength hon. Know this…it is not easy to leave a sociopath. But you did it with a young baby!! BRAVO for leaving him!!
YOUR GUT IS SCREAMING AT you NOT to let your daughter be with him:
1) during unsupervised visits
2) at night
LISTEN YOU YOUR STRONG GUT INTUITION!!
YOUR GUT INSTINCT IS CORRECT!!
Your daughter is number one priority!! Not what a drug addict wants!!
Who the HELL cares what he wants!! He has abused you & is abusing drugs. This is not a person you need to negotiate with as you will just run around in circles.
Narcisisit & sociaopth narcisiist will always push for what they want…they will always push other peoples boundaries to get what they want. They are master manipulators…they always run a con game. And he is manipulating you right now to get what he wants. Bet he is using pity play manipulation = make you feel bad for him?? This is what all sociopath use, when pity play does not work they will try intimidation, fear etc.
DO NOT LET HIM PUSH YOUR BOUNDARIES!! You are setting excellent boundaries when dealing with your ex = a drug addict.
Your daughter is counting on YOU, the healthy parent, to protect her!!
When dealing with a narcissist or sociopath in court you MUST set STRONG boundaries!! And dont feel bad doing this!! You are a nice person…but you can not be nice to this man & give him more days with your daughter. You do not know what he will do to harm her or if he is going to do drugs or bring people over to his home to do drugs…god forbid that happens…your daughter not only could be neglected but someone could kidnap her!
How do you stop doing what he wants? Dig deep hon & find your gumption…YOU do NOT have to be nice to him by giving into what he wants! You have to be respectable in court but you do not need to give him visitation rights unless the court mandates it. Giving him visitation rights is being WAY to nice!! DONT DO IT!! I’m guessing a judge is NOT going to give a drug addict days or nights unsupervised. SO in court highlight his drug use! (obviously talk to a lawyer for advise on all of this)
It’s not easy to set boundaries with a sociopath! Best to follow the LOW CONTACT RULE (google this) when it comes to dealing with them over custody issues.
Most courts have a court appointed person or “wizard” to be the middle man in a “high conflict” custody issue. Look into.
ALso, here on Lovefraud do a search on “Tina Swiften” and “one moms battle”. Donna has a video interview with Tina and also an article on her book. You are not the first to deal with this major issue. Tina has written a book called “one moms battle” I would recommend you buy this book.
ALso Donna (lovefraud creator) has articles that she has written on this subject. Just go up to the top right corner and do a search for child custody issues. And I believe she might have info on the home page in the Yellow box area.
Google:
Setting boundaries (there is a lot of info on this topic. When dealing with a normal person you dont really have to set to many boundaries but it’s society’s norm. But sociopath can care less about society normals. They are incredibly selfish & also love to mess with peoples minds. Your ex is most likely doing both.
also: Google “oprah gavin debecker you tube” to watch their video on listening to your gut instinct. Gavin Debecker is the author of The gift of fear. Your local library may have this book.
Contact your local abuse center for help with this issue ASAP…before you do anything because you may set him off & he may harm you or your daughters. In the USA the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799_SAFE. You can call them & get local numbers where you can talk with a free counselor & also attend free women group meeting.
Congratulations on your new baby. She is one lucky little girl to have you as her Momma Bear!!
sending Huge hugs!! ???
Take care.
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Also you have to learn that he pushes your buttons for fun, to create chaos & drama in your life & to have power & control over you!
You must learn to detach from him & his button pushing. Not easy to do. But once you learn to realize that he is pushing your buttons intentionally (i.e. I want more days with my daughter) you just let go and the end result is you are not being manipulated in his con game.
You learn to live your life on your terms not his.
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