Hi I'm new and need help

Hi Sweetness1986, he is very manipulative. Your gut is telling you he is “using you” for sex, hotel & food. Believe your gut!!

This is not normal behavior for him to just walk out on a relationship over & over & over.

He most likely called for his “underwear” to control you & push your emotional button. They want us be an emotional wreak when they leave because then they have more control over us.

Write down everything he has done to you since day one that has hurt you. You will see that he had done endless things since day one that you have forgotten about. This will open your mind up to the truth. He is not a good guy & what you see right now in his horrible behavior is what you are always going to get from him. This is his habit in relationships.

It’s up to you to just say “Enough”. I deserve better then this guy.

Are you sure he is not cheating?

These types usually disappear because they have a new supply that is feeding their ego & giving them a place to live, food, sex etc. Then once that new supply has had enough of their using behavior they kick them to the curb. This is why a narcissist or sociopath keeps people (past relationships) still on the hook = so they always have a back up plan for a place to live etc.

It’s not easy to break it off with a narcissist. It requires mindfulness of your own behavior & emotions. We become addicted to their controlling ways. It’s not easy to break this bad addiction. Just like say alcohol or drugs. Again you have to be mindful.

When you feel sad, angry, lonely, crying etc. come here and read read read everything. Also watch the videos up at the top of this site. This will open your mind up during the times you want him back in your life. (Which by the way reading your post you really dont want him back you are just addicted to him & the drama & chaos he brings into your home).

FOLLOW THE “NO CONTACT RULE” (do a search on Lovefraud up at the top right corner & also on the net). Then follow this rule!!! IT’s the only way to break the addictive habit he has created in you.

It’s not easy at first to follow the no contact rule but the more time you have away from him the easier it gets. Fill your time with other things = spending time with your children, exercise, a hobby you have always wanted to do or even spring clean your home. What ever it takes to keep your mind on other things.

If you can change your phone number do it. Stop looking at his social media or photos of him. This is part of the No contact rule.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!

YOU CAN BREAK THIS RELATIONSHIP OFF ONCE & FOR ALL!!

Come here & vent if you need to clear your mind virus contacting him. It really does help.

Wishing you all the best.

Take care.

Hi Sweetness, you’re so welcome! We have all been where you are now. You want the pain to end but not quite ready to give up on the relationship.

You have to do a lot of soul searching to realize you deserve so much better then what you are settling for. It’s better to be alone with your children then to be in a emotional, mental & verbally abusive relationship.

Did you know that manipulation is emotional & mental abuse?

Do you know that lying is emotional, mental & verbal abuse?

Do you know he is trying to control you & have power over you every time he leaves you?

This is all abuse.

Do you know that you are in a abusive relationship?

Do you know that the bulk of domestic abuse is not physical abuse but rather emotional, mental, verbal & financial abuse?

The fact he is emailing/texting women while at your home leads me to believe that he is most likely cheating. Whether emotional cheating or physically cheating.

It is extremely common for narcissist & sociopaths to go missing for days or weeks when they are cheating on their mate. So open your mind up to this possibility seriously. He might have said things to you that you just chose to ignore or at the time made no sense but now his words make sense.

You should be proud of yourself. You are starting to see & accept the truth of his behavior. You should be proud that you have done some research into his behavior. Not reacting & acting “needy” is a good place to be & also a huge step in leaving him for good. So YES!! Be proud of yourself hon. We have all been where you are…it’s not easy to break free of a narcissist or sociopath narcissist. You are making amazing steps!!

These types will always use “sociopath blame shift” “narcissist blame shift” (do a search on LF & the net). He is dragging up the past to control your mind from seeing that once again he left you.

Beware these types always boomerang back to past victims.

At one point you have to make the chose to just get off the emotional roller coaster he is creating everyday. This is the “cycle of domestic abuse power & control wheel” (google”.

Nothing is ever solved with them. It’s always goes from calm, to tension building, to fighting, to break up to make up and then the cycle repeats over & over & over.

It’s emotionally & mentally & physically exhausting to be with a narcissist or sociopath narcissist.

The only time you truly have peace is when they are out of your life for good. You and your children deserve peace!!

Dear Sweetness, What is that saying about…if someone who doesn’t appreciate you walks out, it’s like the trash is taking itself out.

First of all, he DID cheat on your for a few years. Therefore, he is capable of it, and can/will do it again if the mood strikes him. Second, cheating isn’t the only form of disrespect. Third, it is one of many red flags that he does not take any responsibility. Fourth, what kind of person walks out for weeks or a month and then comes back? Even if other things were good, this is not a way to build trust or make your partner feel safe – by constantly disappearing. You cannot have a healthy nurturing relationship like this. This man is obviously incapable of a mature relationship, regardless of the label. He sounds emotionally stunted. Next time he walks out, change the locks. Or better yet, you be the one to walk out once and for all. Your life will improve in leaps and bounds once the chaos ends. Best wishes to you, dear.

Sweetness, it’s very normal for you to feel like you don’t even want to leave the house. You’ve faced a severe trauma which is the emotional equivalent of being run over by a mack truck. Try to do little things for yourself like take a bath, have a healthy meal, watch a favorite movie, stretch, give yourself a hand or foot massage – anything that brings a flicker of joy or well-being. Even doing these little things for yourself will help you through the grieving. So sorry you are going through this. I remember when I was there, and it was incredibly painful. I felt like I was in a black hole and would never come out of it. I did, and you will too. You are going to remember the good things about him, and you will miss him. When that happens, try to stay strong and remember all the disrespectful things he did. Know that he will NEVER change and can never be the man you want. This will help you stay away from him.